The Dreaded Friend Zone
Gentlemen: This is tricky for you. You don’t want to come across as sleazy or cheesy but if you want to avoid the Friend zone, you’ve got to keep the sexual tension—without the erection—in the interaction.
Here’s “the how to”:
- Give her the lopsided Gerard Butler grin. You know something about her that might make her blush. (Yeah, we know you don’t know anything like that yet, but pretend! You’re the star of your own romantic comedy remember?)
- Innuendo. Slightly naughty quips—not directed toward her (very important at this stage)—but only applied after you’ve made her laugh about something non-sexual. Restrict innuendo usage to once or twice maximum—if she laughed the first time—during an encounter, even if she plays along. Don’t worry, it’ll set the tone.
- If you’re acting like you would with a guy or gal pal that you’re not sexually attracted to, you’re playing it too safe. No risk, no reward.
- However! Watch for signs from her: If she seems nervous, shy, uninterested, or stand-off ish—abort! abort!
- If #4 applies, still try to make her laugh, but without any sexual references, or she’ll think you’re creepy or too forward. (And if she doesn’t laugh at all: not your fault. Next.)
Ladies: This is easy to do, and you don’t have to be easy.
Here’s “the how to”:
- Keep it light and playful. Yes, we have reason to be guarded, but that simply doesn’t fly. You’re a brave goddess; give the dude a break already.
- Laugh at his silly jokes—he is making an effort to make you smile. Even if he misses the mark every time … he. is. trying.
- Give him the lopsided smirk! For real. This works equally for men with women and women with men.
- Innuendo. See men’s how to’s #2, but do direct the quip (e.g., “just the tip”) at him, but not too suggestive. Example of going too far: “Just the tip? Just to see how it feels?” (Woah, Nancy! Save that for after a few dates.) Example of keeping it juuuuust right: “Just the tip?” (smirk, laugh, blush, giggle, gasp or whatever light and playful animation suits your true personality).
- Don’t make the whole conversation sexual, or you’ll go straight from the Friend Zone to the Bone Zone. You want him to be attracted but not just sexually. Remember, it doesn’t take as much for men to become aroused—the sexual area of their brains are 20 times larger than women’s. (He probably got a tingle in his dingle just reading the word “aroused.”)
And even though the secret is out on both sides of this “keep it sexy” topic, it no matta!
Bonus for both genders: Flirting is fun! It can make both parties feel attractive and appreciated, but remember to know where and when to draw the line: men can inadvertently come across as creepy, and women can come across as a cock tease-y. No es buenos.