Every time a new year rolls around and we’re still rolling around the sheets single, we start searching the Net for “how to find love” and land on a thousand new articles—
—and a hundred other key phrases that are not going to help you find love, Luv.
You read that right. All the “how to find love” in the cyber world—including all my advice—ain’t gonna help you find love until you start loving yourself a fucking lot.
Isn’t loving yourself a lot kinda arrogant or narcissistic?
Arrogance or narcissism is when you need constant external validation from others by boasting, showing off, acting excessively sexual (sexual beyond the real you), or in any other way valuing your worth based solely on the opinions or reactions of others.
Loving yourself fully is not giving a fuck what others think of you, not in a negative way, just in an “I’m OK, you’re OK” way. If there’s any negativity or shitty feeling about it, it’s not love.
(Though it’s still more self-loving to not give two fucks rather than to give any fucks for what others think of us—even if we are dicks.)
Wait, how do I love my damn fool self?
Glad you asked.
You ain’t gonna love your damn fool self until you start to get a life.
Hey, I wrote: “simple steps” not “easy steps.” This moves us straight into—
If every story you’ve told yourself your whole damn fool life isn’t true, could you rewrite your life?
AJ TMI true story:
My half-brother died when I was in my mid-20s. (I didn’t really know him; he lived in Mexico.) My mom told me that he “killed himself,” which I took literally and believed for over 15 years until, when writing my memoir, I found out that he accidentally caused his own death.
The point being—I believed a story that wasn’t true, but it was my reality. You can imagine how much difference the “new truth” held for me.
If we can believe untrue stories, we might as well believe true or untrue stories that serve us and others in a positive way.
AJ RX: Question every disempowering thought and belief (your true or untrue stories) and choose to replace it with an empowering story instead.
Some of my personal favourites:
Way Old Story: I’m too shy to take acting classes.
Old Story: I’m not good enough to take acting classes. Or “I don’t deserve to …” etc.
New Story: Fuck it! I don’t have to be anything but brave to take a fucking acting class.
So, make up some new stories; you’ll feel better, I promise!
But you still won’t find love until you get your ass out in the real world and start looking for love.
Wait, where do I find love?
I just wrote it down—in. the. real. world.
What you’re going to find in the real world is doing the stuff you love. That kind of love.
Go do shit that gets you happy, juiced up, jazzed, pumped, and heart-poundingly proud! Hint: You don’t even have to be any good at it. You just gotta be passionate about it, because—
Passion is persuasively sexy and—bonus!—you’ve a better chance of meeting a mate who’s into the same things you are.
And even if you don’t magically meet your match at an acting glass, kick-boxing class, hiking / skiing / knickers-knitting group, you’re doing something that makes you happy and passionate, and that translates into all areas of your life.
Happy, passionate people are HOTTIES IN DEMAND.
Now, go forth and procreate, or at least go create a life you love!
p.s. Guess I’m signing up for acting classes, y’all, and making a #damnfool of myself.
If you want the 30-day guided, daily step-by-step action plan to make this shit happen, my WakeUP2Luv self-study-in-my-PJs program could be right for you. Subscribe to #JustTheTip weekly newsletter to be the first to know when the program launches and to receive the loyalty discount. (Limited time offer.)
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Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam