Why Fear Is Your New Best Friend

Don’t Get Over Fear—Go Through It

Life is fucking scary. And that is why fear is your new best friend.

This simple reality, when embraced, loses it chest-clutching grip on us.

Almost everyone experiences fear because we loathe to face reality:

Loved ones die.

Lovers leave us.

Long-held careers fold.

Old friends change.

We are alone.

There is so much out of our control that the sooner we get over it the better we’ll feel.

Stick to what we can control—ourselves. Our thoughts. Our actions (and reactions).

When we stop avoiding the things that terrify us (but aren’t legitimate threats to our lives), fear becomes the catalyst for our own inner super power—self-empowerment.

AJ True Short Story

As many of you know, I used to be clinically shy.

How shy?

Okay, my most on-point shyness story is when I peed my pants in class in Grade 7 (Grade 7, people!) because I was too shy and self-conscious to raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom.

I lived most of my life in various degrees of fear, and it wasn’t until I started actively working to conquer my shyness that I got through fear.

Case in point—I applied to do a live TedTalk this year. Yes, where you stand up in front of thousands of people and share your pee stories.

They rejected my application—I’d applied to speak on shyness!—but I was still scared shitless to apply. (What if they’d said, “Yes?” Exactly. Balls of steel, my friends, balls of steel. Or, actually, pussy of steel, but you get my point.)

Even when we get good at getting over our fears in one area, new fears will pop up elsewhere—and that’s a good thing!

AJ True Short Story in My Head

I still get nervous about doing some things, like public speaking, but now I challenge myself to face fear and have a little convo with it. It goes something like this …

Hey, Fear.

Hey, Red.

R: Whatchu you doing in my ‘hood today?

F: Oh, you know, didn’t want you to forget me.

R: How could I? *flutter* But seriously, why you here? *squinty eyes*

F: Just wanted to challenge you a bit. Do you really want to do “[the scary thing]?”

R: Hmm, lemme think.

F: You might fail, look like a fool, be laughed at—fuck, girl, you might succeed and then what?

R: Eek. Okay, so if I do this thing and the worst happens, what’s the worst?

F: Nothing, really. But, what if the worst is the worst and you gotta run away and hide in a hobbit house in the woods forever. Spiders, just saying.

R: That won’t happen. Plus, I’ll feel victorious for trying. And … what if it goes perfectly?

F: Not likely.

R: So what—victorious for trying, Fear, victorious for trying.

F: Ok, you win. See you next time.

R: Looking forward to it! … Hey, before you go—

F: Yeah?

R: Thanks for victorious, wouldn’t happen without you.

F: *Rolls eyes, shuffles off*

Fear is Your New Best Friend Takeaway

Without fear there is no courage and courage is SEXY AF, y’all—especially to ourselves.

Fear is Your New Best Friend Actionable

  1. Pick one thing you’ve been putting off because of illegitimate fear. Hint: illegitimate fear is anything that won’t kill you or hurt others.
  2. Do one thing that moves you toward doing that thing.
  3. Tell me about it! Comment!

You’re a love warrior, Sir.

xo AJ

p.s. If you’re ready for the shortcut map to your love meadow, check out my Get A Girlfriend Program here.

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam

Leave a Comment:

Ron Werner says May 5, 2017

Too true. Fear of rejection is a big one. I remember staring at the phone debating whether to call a lady to ask her out. Now, its more do I write the email or not, ie how long do I spend writing a letter that may never get replied to. I fire it off with the thought, ok, at least I asked.

    Anna Jorgensen says May 6, 2017

    And if we go in with no expectations but simply to “do the thing we’re afraid of” it gets easier. Of course, if we keep bombing out, we may want to adjust our strategy!

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