How many women think, “Should I change to get a man?” It might not seem like a liberated, empowering quandary to ask ourselves, but there’s some merit to the idea. Don’t bitch me out, because I totally understand your stanza on this hot topic ‘cause my blood boiled before my Higher Self tapped me on the shoulder with the “aha” I’m ‘bout to share!
Short answer: Nope, no way, nuhuh, not gonna happen, fuck off.
Higher Self answer: Will changing [whatever quality] make me become a better version of myself and give me greater happiness within regardless of what men, women, children, The Pope, Audrey Hepburn’s Spirit, my neighbour’s dog think?
High Self, why you gotta be so S.M.R.T.?
So, no, don’t change for anyone except yourself.
Awhile back I had a boyfriend who was tres deliciously handsome. He was (and still is) half Italian and wholely hot—my typical type: tall, dark and asshole. (In all fairness, that’s a joke. He’s a sweet man, just verily verily vain!)
I’ve told this story before. We went boating—like, on a boat, on the ocean—in the middle of nowhere. Well, it wasn’t a boat, it was a yacht and it wasn’t nowhere, it was Desolation Sound, a gorgeous ocean channel near Vancouver Island, the farthest west you can get in Canadian territory.
The point is… “desolation” — Hello! Remote. Hello! Pristine forests. Which means that despite the yacht (whoopdeedooda<– sarcasm) there was no Gucci. No Prada. No nada!
I’ll sum up… He dissed me for not wearing makeup.
I remember thinking, “We’re on a boat. This is kinda like camping, but on water. Who the hell wears makeup when they go camping?”He had a different idea about being out and about on a boat—a glamorous idea. I guess he was more into glamping.
Even though I do love a good glam night out, most of the time I’m natural gal, so I felt ugly with him, not only then, but throughout our whole relationship.
I decided I’d rather be single than sorry—or feeling sorry for myself, so I broke up with him.
I’d rather be alone than with someone who I felt “less than” with. You know what I mean!
On the other hand, I used to be ridiculously jealous (which comes from insecurity) and I went out with a guy who helped me get over that insecurity. Now, THAT was a positive change!
If you’re going to be a better person by changing, then change. But don’t do it for someone else. Do it for you.
p.s. Yep, there’s a step-by-step hold-your-hand plan in my self-study Get My Dream Guy program. #srsly #begin!
Vancouver Matchmaker and Dating, Love and Relationship Expert