Dear Self, Please Stop Self-Sabotaging My Love Life

How to Stop Self-Sabotage in Its Tracks

Dear Self, I love you, but please stop self-sabogating my (love) life. I think it’s time we—me and me—had a little chitchat …

We’re trying to lose weight, get fit and lose five pounds, but then we go to the closest greasy burger joint and eat a mound of meaty burger at 9pm. Self, WTF!?

We want to expand our social circle—geez, even just have one—and join a Meetup Group but then neverrr go to any of the events. Seriously?

We want to find a loving cuddle buddy for life and sign up on a dating site but get frustrated in 10 minutes and cancel our profile. Ok, Hun, something’s gotta give …

Does this feel familiar?

You’re not alone. We all self-sabotage. That burger one? Yeah, that was me a few days ago. Anna J, WTF, girl!?

The Reason We Can’t Seem to Stop Self-Sabotaging

Our ego / subconscious mind / primate brain / Inner Evil Twin likes what is familiar. Familiar feels safe even if…

  • Familiar is doing a line of cocaine and having risky sex every Friday night.
  • Our obesity is causing us health concerns.
  • Our frigid, fearful heart is a block of Arctic ice whenever we meet an actual, decent guy.

Damn, hey.

But there’s hope! Awareness is the key.

When we’re aware of what we’re doing, we can ask our Inner Angel Twin—there’s only two of us, really, the good-for-us us and the bad-for-us us—to come out and tackle the Inner Evil Twin.

Seriously. If this sounds silly, that’s your Inner Evil Twin hijacking your path to happiness, girl friend!

Be willing to try something new. Be willing to suspend disbelief long enough to try something new. Because, as I’ve annoyingly said over and over again, nothing changes if nothing changes.

Stop Self-Sabotaging Takeaway

Self-Sabotage is actually our subconscious trying to keep us safe, even if that “safe thing” isn’t actually good for us. Familiar feels safe.

Stop Self-Sabotaging Actionables

  1. Thank your Inner Evil Twin for good intentions—tryin’a keep y’all safe.
  2. Tell Inner Evil Twin that Inner Angel Twin is going to help out for a while.
  3. Whenever Evil takes over—like, when you’re a meanie to a nice man—stop, tuck and think: “What would Angel Twin do?” Hint: She’d be open and vulnerable.
  4. Don’t beat up your Evil self: that just makes her rebellious and more likely to be a repeat offender.
  5. Take a new action. Anything, something small starts the ball rolling. Example: Find a guy—any guy—to purposefully and warmly engage with a-sap. He’ll likely be super appreciative of the kind attention received. This helps your subconscious (Evil Twin) learn that being warm with men is safe. Repeat three times as soon as possible to reinforce the new learning. Then keep repeating as often as possible.

xo AJ

p.s. If you’ve been reading these blogs for more than three months and you’re still single—and don’t want to be—then it might be time to take the next step to actually having that amazing (and safe) cuddle buddy for life. Find out more here.

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Matchmaker and Dating, Love and Relationship Expert Founder: Wingmam

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