How to Reclaim Confidence After A Breakup

Reclaim Confidence

Guest Post by Daniel of

Breakups can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Yes, it can be very troublesome to go through a breakup. But with the right tools, you can reclaim confidence again.

A breakup with someone you deeply loved can be devastating to your self-esteem. The post-breakup slump is hard. And, yes, getting over your ex can be even more difficult.

But you don’t need to wallow in misery for the rest of your days. Here are a few things you can do to reclaim confidence with a big boost and face the future with your head held high!

How to Reclaim Confidence

Realize you are not the many things that your ex (or people) said about you.

First and foremost, one of the best ways to reclaim confidence after a breakup is to stop blaming yourself!

You may not have felt appreciated, valued, or loved in your past relationship. Stop focusing on every little thing you did that made the relationship fail.

When a romantic relationship ends, an individual’s self-concept is vulnerable to change, according to research published in 2009 in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Using three studies, the researchers examined self-concept changes that can happen after a breakup.

They found that individuals have reduced self-concept clarity after a breakup. This reduced clarity can contribute to emotional distress. Studies have shown that the loss of the relationship has many psychological consequences, including the tendency for individuals to feel that they are subjectively less clear and even smaller.

Instead, keep in mind your best qualities that made the relationship last for as long as it did. Know that you’re enough just as you are, and the “right” someone is out there waiting to discover you!

Be kind and real to yourself by accepting the fact that you can only do so much. It’s not all your fault, you know!

Confidence starts with your attitude and clarity of one’s self, not what others think of you.

Stay in the present moment.

Accept this moment exactly how it is and accept that being without this person is how it is. Be gentle and kind to yourself as you work with your denial and acceptance of change. Open your mind and your heart to the reality that there are things beyond your control that could have made your relationship crumble.

It’s okay. You did what you could. You’re allowed to feel the pain and grieve for your loss. Feel the sadness wash over you, and then slowly let it go. You are who you are, and you’re a great person even if your ex fails to see that anymore.

When you look back, look at your past relationship more objectively.

This helps you see that you didn’t detach yourself from the idea of a fairy-tale relationship. Where did you resist seeing reality?

You must close one door before opening the next. Making peace with your past relationships is critical to attracting a healthy, lasting and loving relationship in the future.

Look ahead, not backward, because you can’t go there anyway.

Your destiny and a better relationship are waiting for you to let go of your past.

Spoil Yourself

After a breakup, it’s important to give yourself some extra loving care. This is your time. Take very good care of yourself. Get a massage. Take a trip with good friends. Get lost in a new book. Hit the gym. Learn a new language. Travel. Volunteer.

Or try on some new clothes or visit a thrift store to find some designer clothing there, which is surprisingly like new! If you’re not into shopping, try redecorating your house and finding some new things to go in your home.

You’ll enjoy a new outfit or atmosphere, whichever one you choose.
Whatever it is that you couldn’t do when you were with your ex, do it now! When you’re busying yourself with learning a new skill, it can help keep your mind off the breakup that’s wreaking havoc on your self-esteem.

Don’t drown your sorrows in ice cream or cookies and expect to boost your confidence. One of the best ways to feel good about yourself is to eat well and take care of yourself nutritionally. You’ll feel better mentally and your body will look great! Don’t diet: eat well!

Not only does this help you get over your ex, but it also serves to mentally, emotionally and physically clear away traces of your ex from your life. It’s a great starting point to help you rebuild your identity now that you’re single and free.

Start Dating Again

You’ve spent some time grieving the loss of your ex and your relationship. You’ve let go of anger, and you’ve learned from the relationship about what type of partner would be a better fit and which red flags to look out for. Now it’s time to move on and begin to date again.

Dating, even if they’re duds, is a great way to boost your confidence.

Get yourself out there and show the world how fabulous you are. If you wallow in anger or sadness for too long, it can be difficult to get yourself back out there.

A study published in the Journal of Neuroscience found that doing something that makes you feel like you are getting over your ex may help fix your broken heart. But, just be sure you aren’t rushing into anything or trying to rebound. That only ends badly―trust me!

And remember to treat each person you date as a clean slate. Don’t talk about your ex with your new dates. And do not project your ex’s negative qualities onto the next person. They are not the ones who hurt you.

All in all, cry until you have no tears left inside you. Talk to people you feel safe with. Try to remember the good, even when the bad keeps trying to take centre stage. And have faith that when one door closes it’s because another is meant to open. Let the emotions pour out of you: feel them, embrace them, and set them free.

Also, no matter what you do, remember your integrity. Because even in the darkest moments, integrity is the one thing that is yours and that you own. And no one can take that away from you.

Finally, if you want to become the best, sexiest more desirable  version of you so you’ll have your choice of men… check out Anna’s WakeUP2Luv program!

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Matchmaker and Dating, Love and Relationship Expert Founder: Wingmam

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