The Top 5 Qualities of An Effective Dating Coach or Matchmaker

Dating Coach or Matchmaker? Both!

Psychology Today (PT) wrote an article entitled “5 Qualities That Tell You a Therapist Is Effective.” For single men and women considering hiring a dating coach or matchamaker, the same principles apply.

The article squashed several myths about what a therapist should be, such as someone who has a university or doctoral degree, has written several scholarly books or articles on the topic or who uses only “scientifically validated” methods.

If you read my memoir of my mid-(on-going?) life crisis, Me: A Rewrite, you’ll know that I may not have used scientifically validated methods, but I learned a helluva lot about women’s and men’s relationships!

(Men should not read my memoir because I talk about my chin hair. Women should read my memoir for the same reason!)

While the qualities of education and authorship do add value to the therapist’s intellectual knowledge, PT states that “an effective therapist is a warm, caring, empathic, and knowledgeable person who knows how to interact with a client in a way that is healing … a kind person.”

Bam! That’s me! Seriously, people frequently open up to me with all kinds of personal stuff.

Side Note Personal AJ Short Story

I was in a bank line up a couple years ago, and by the time I got to my turn, the old fella behind me had told me of the guilt he felt for a nine-year affair he’d been having. Apparently, he’d never told anyone. Naturally, we went for coffee after and I “counselled” him.


The same principles apply to finding a great dating coach or matchmaker.

Kind Coaches Finish First. And so do their clients.

While knowledge is essential, the best―and possibly only―way to actually help clients learn and grow from the coach’s knowledge is through gentle guidance that suits the client.

Qualities of an Effective Dating Coach or Matchmaker

  1. The dating coach / matchmaker focuses on what the client’s needs are and, considering personal and cultural needs, collaborates with the client to find the best course of action or most suitable match for him/her. One size does not fit all.
  2. The coach / matchmaker checks with the client for feedback on whether or not the client feels the coaching is beneficial. Or in the case of a blind date, how the date went. Feedback is key. The coach thinks in terms of partnership, not teacher/student, and is willing to change directions if needed.
  3. The dating coach / matchmaker listens with empathy, sensitivity, acceptance and caring.
  4. The dating coach / matchmaker has “cultural humility” and realizes coaches can learn from their clients.
  5. The coach / matchmaker trusts that the client has all that they need within themselves and supports the client in (re)claiming these self-qualities and presenting the best of themselves as much as possible.

These client-care qualities ultimately empower clients to achieve their relationship and love goals. And because it’s a partnership, the coach has the bonus of living vicariously when the client wins in love. Hight five!

Dating Coach or Matchmaker Takeaway

It’s not the letters behind the name that make a great dating coach or best matchmaker. It’s the amount of gentle understanding and effective guidance—and results!—that should win your heart so that you can find your heart’s desire.

Dating Coach or Matchmaker Actionable

  1. Ask yourself why you haven’t taken the next step to end singlehood.
  2. Let me know what’s important to you in a good dating coach or matchmaker! #alwayslearning #yourneedscomefirst
  3. Do something different in your life—anything—because nothing changes if nothing changes.


I never saw the old fella again. I wonder if he ever told his wife or ended the affair.

P.S. If you’re not ready for a dating coach or matchmaker, you might be ready for some self-study! Check out WakeUP2Luv—Get the Guy. Before I launched it, I asked a few professional associates to “test” it for me. One said the course might’ve saved her last relationship. The course is easy to follow, entertaining and beneficial. Plus, ladies, it’s anonymous and it’s Money Back Guaranteed. #truestory

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Matchmaker and Dating, Love and Relationship Expert Founder: Wingmam

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