Why “Just Be Yourself” Isn’t Enough Unless…

You’re Enough but Just Be Yourself Isn’t.

If you know me or have read my posts for a while, you know that I like to ruffle feathers and stir shit up, as in: challenge the status quo. (Whatever that means.)

But before you read this be yourself blog, I must disclose that either because of leftover Mercury retrograde, MSG consumption, or whatever, I feel cranky and sarcastic … in other words, this post may offend sensitive beings. (If that offended you, you is a sensitive being. #ownit)

I’m writing this post unfiltered for a reason—beside bitchiness. And that reason is for your benefit. (I’ll let you know what that benefit is by the end of the post, I totally promise.)

Ok, so let’s say you’re a gal looking for a guy. How do feel about dating this guy?

Here’s an example of a be yourself dating site profile—though, really, some people practically advertise their real-world self in this way:

Semi-Fictional Single Guy Profile:

Hey, I’m a great guy but you’ll find that I’m way too shy to talk to you and usually don’t make eye contact, but I’m not a Sheddie’s Killer, I promise. Maybe it’s my insecurities about my ___ (height / weight / income / personality / gold fish obsession).

I really do want to settle down, though. I think we’ll get along if you take the lead and suggest every new activity we try, because I’m kinda lazy.

Also, it would be great if you could choose the restaurants we frequent, because I don’t want to disappoint you if I pick one that sucks. Please, also make the reservations, thanks.

Hopefully, you have some friends, because I don’t and Anna says a social life is important.

Are you healthy? I hope so, because I’m not so you’ll probably outlive me. Bonus if you have an RCA certificate for when I become incontinent. Shit happens?

Speaking of… you’d better have a sense of humour, you’re going to need it. I’m a bit of a hermit with fluctuating bouts of depression and anxiety.

But I should probably mention some of my flaws …

So, ladies, who’s first in line for this fella? What’s that? No takers?

Alrighty, then how about this stellar babe?

Semi-Fictional Single Gal Profile example:

I just want a great guy with a stacked bank account to pay for my shopping addiction. I know you want me to look good on your arm, but babe, that costs $$!

I hope you can afford for me to get regular cosmetic “enhancements” because I don’t like my ___ (breasts / thighs / wrinkles / knees / face—well, everything could use a little “nip tuck.”)

I need a guy who can read my mind and correctly assume my wishes based on nano-emotionally-displayed evidence. Especially when we’re apart, because that’s when I usually feel the most needy, insecure and jealous and require a lot of reassurance.

Look, it’s not my fault I chose badly in the past. Until you prove men are honourable, it’s safer to assume they’re not. (No offence.)

If you look like Brad Pitt or The Gerry (Gerard Butler, duh) that’s a bonus, but if not then all I want is six-pack abs. And a full head of hair. On a 6’2” frame.

I don’t take great care of myself, but I’ve got Spanx.

Oh, and I get severe PMS—which is why mind-reading is especially important—can you say, “Hello, mood swings?”

But I should probably mention some of my flaws… *blink blink*

Whatcha think, guys? Is she a keeper or what? (Or what. *wink wink*)

These two individuals exist, people! Maybe you can even see yourself in some of their descriptions. And guess what? All joking aside, there’s a right match out there for both of them. (Maybe each other!)

The point is this—

Authenticity is extremely attractive, even if there’s no romantic interest, because it displays a level of self-confidence and honesty that automatically allows people to trust us—warranted or not—earlier on.

If you relate to the above examples and “just be yourself” without really owning it, it may take a long time to meet your mate. Is that what you want?

If not, then as with everything in life, you have two choices:

  1. Learn to love yourself “as is where is” and own it—totally dig yourself, bae!
  2. Yo—change.

I’ll have you know that I think I’m great! Not in an “I’m better than you” way, but in a “Hey, I’m OK, you’re OK” kind of way.just-be-yourself

Which brings me to the benefit for you of this post being unfiltered …

My authentic personality is essentially the same as always. However, I am more apt to display—or more likely to refrain from hiding—my “flaws” than I used to, like occasional unfiltered bitchiness. (See this post for a few of my other quirks.)

I’ve learned to accept, and even like, some of my “flaws.” Others, well, I’m working on it—and hell, no one’s perfect. (Or, we all are.)

What has changed is that I figured out how to get over my severe shyness and incredible insecurities and embrace—how cliché—my authentic self. (Even though I was obsessed with self-help for years, it was by accident that it all clicked and I figured out how to do this, but at least it’s replicable.)

“Just Be Yourself” Takeaway:

  1. Just Be Yourself isn’t going to draw them in and win them over unless you own it—as in: love your flawed self. (And have a hilarious sense of humour like moi.) 😉 #humblelikeghandi

xo AJ

So, come on, come clean …what are some of your favourite “flaws” in yourself or others? Share in the comments!

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About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam

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