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Cougar Life: Older Women Dating Younger Men


What’s the Deal with Older Women Dating Younger Men?

Cougar:

1.
Also called mountain lion, panther, puma; a large, tawny cat, Felis concolor, of North and South America: now greatly reduced in number and endangered in some areas.
2.
Informal. An older woman who seeks sexual relationships with much younger men:
He’s in his 20s, but he prefers cougars in their 40s and 50s to women his own age.

It’s only an insult if you’re offended. #lightenup #ownitgirlfriend

For the purpose of this post, a Cougar is a woman at least 10 years older than her lover / mate.

Recently, I posted a blog on an appropriate age difference when dating. The post focused on older men and younger women. But what about older women dating younger men?

Again, I have some experience in this department. After my marriage to a man 16 years my senior ended (after 13 years together), I dated a man who was 11 years younger. What a pendulum swing! And what a ride—figuratively and literally.

It was, to say the least and with tongue-in-cheek cheekiness, a coming of age—for me …

Warning: TMI ahead. Brace yourself! Or, quick, look away from the screen!

Ok, for all the nosy pervs who want to know more about my foray in the forest as Little Miss Cougar … thank you for caring. 😉 (Or at least wanting to learn. Whatever. You’re still here, and I appreciate it.)

When I first met my husband-to-be, I was more than a tad insecure—about sex, myself, life, everything.

People who know me now find this hard to believe because my self-esteem is in the clouds, which is a way better place to be! But I assure you, despite my husband being kind, loving, supportive and super attracted to me, I was ridonkulously self-conscious and had severely low self-esteem.

How low was it, Anna?

Fiiiine. Since you want to know what that looked like in my world …

Example: I couldn’t undress with the lights on, even after years of being together.

Example: I would get anxiety watching Top Gun. The woman! The sexy scenes! My paralyzing inferiority complex. Oy. Top Gun, people!

Example: I removed and tossed the CD covers to any/all Celine Dion and Shania Twain albums my husband owned. Double oy.

Example: If we went to a restaurant, I’d interrogate my husband about whether or not he had the hots for the (female) server. (Or patron or chick walking down the street or blah blah blah.) Seriously—OY.

Okay, Anna, we get it. You were a freak with a suitcase of insecurity. What does that have to do with older women with younger men?

Right. The point is that I had super low self-esteem, which I mostly taught myself to get over during the course of our marriage, albeit my tender, sensitive and extremely patient husband also helped. I finished the job with Junior, the young stud who came (a lot) after my divorce.

After my marriage ended, I decided that being insecure wasn’t serving me or anyone else, so when I started fornicating with Junior—a hot-ass personal trainer, no less, and no less ironic—I was determined to be a different version of me. A self-secure, sexy-as-hell, Yes, please!, naked-in-daylight version.

Essentially, I faked it until I made it. (Though, I never “faked it.”)

But I had reservations about being with someone so much younger, especially since he was only in his mid-20s at the time…

  • Would he still be interested in me in 10 years’ time?
  • Did I want children?
  • Did he want children?
  • Would our let’s-make-like-bunnies baby-making schedules coordinate?
  • Would he still be interested in me in 10 years’ time??

We lasted about a year and a half if you included our several breakups and makeups—largely related to my legitimate concerns about “the generation gap” and parenthood. (We were on a different offspring schedule, for sure.)

Nonetheless, I have no regrets. With Junior, I became the sexual diva I am to this day, which is currently dormant, but that’s beside the point!

I’m grateful for the sexual escapades I had with him, and I’m grateful to have experienced a committed relationship with a man who was in a different generation.

10 Things Older Women Dating Younger Men Should Consider:

  1. As per my “does age matter” post, if the man is in his 20s—it’s a big risk if you’re looking for long term.
  2. Unless a man is over his mid-30s, his certainty about not wanting children is subject to change. (Example: Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher.)
  3. Sugar Momma is a real thing. If you’ve got wads of dough, you’ve got more chance of getting wads from young bucks than if you’re low on fun(ds). (Same deal for the Sugar Daddy.) If you’re OK with that, milk it for as long as you can. He will.
  4. Some men prefer older women. Even without bank. I shit you not. Though, it’s true, some just want to taste “mature” ice cream. #realityland #bucketlist
  5. No matter which way you swing, if there’s a 10-year age difference or more, you’re going to notice a generation gap. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you have solid self-esteem, but I felt like the old lady amongst all of Junior’s friends who were his age. (Incidentally, my friendships―now and then―range from more than 10 years younger to more than 10 years older with no notice of age differences.)
  6. The older we get, the less we notice the “age difference.” That is, until we get really old. Hmm.
  7. The older we get, the better chance of long-term success. It’s natural for us to “grow into ourselves” as we get older, which translates into knowing what our long-term goals are. Thus, we can determine if those goals are compatible.
  8. Cats are fluffy. (That was just to see if you’re paying attention.)
  9. There are no relationship guarantees for older women dating younger men, just like there are no guarantees with any relationship.
  10. We all stand a better chance of keeping our partner interested if—hello—we’re interesting!

Older Woman Dating Younger Men Takeaway:

  1. Long-term success relies on chemistry, similar values and compatible long-term goals―no matter what age you and your partner are.

Roar!

xo AJ former Big Catolder-women-with-younger-men

p.s. A Facebook post just informed me that a friend of Junior’s (same age) just married a woman 10+ years older. And that’s the game! #touchdowndance

p.p.s. WakeUP2Luv teaches how to get over shyness and other insecurities.

p.p.p.s. Here’s a related article I wrote for FrankTalks on why older women should sleep with younger men A-sap!

Have an age-difference dating or love story? Or an opinion? Share in the comments!!

Anna Jorgensen

About the author

Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️
(Not PC and not a feminist.)

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  1. Another good reason to date younger men, is so women won’t be alone in their mature years. As women often live longer than their husbands by 10 to 20 years, we increase the chances of long-term companionship by being with a much younger man. It’s just makes demographic sense.

    1. Excellent point, Lorraine! The ladies will like that. And the men, well, they’re getting “a mature woman with life experience (and a lot of sexual confidence!)” as one reader shared with me. 🙂

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