The difference between nice guys and good guys is … self-assurance.
And now here’s a photo of a dolphin …
No, just kidding. Well, yes, it is a photo of a dolphin, but there’s more to this whole nice-guys-finish-last story. And if you don’t want to be a single guy waxing his dolphin forever, focus here fellas!
Women prefer good men over nice guys because women want to feel safe, and a man with self-assurance makes her feel safe.
Let’s analyze …
A woman believes that a man with solid opinions, who can make decisions and disagree when necessary, will be able to “take care of” her, and since women’s primary need is to feel safe—emotionally and physically—his self-assurance goes a long way to achieving that goal—even if he isn’t capable of taking care of her.
Do women need to be taken care of?
In the modern age and in the Western world, not really, but despite a bazillion years of evolution, feeling safe is still an innate need. I don’t know a woman who doesn’t want to feel safe and taken care of. And this doesn’t mean a man needs bags of money. I’m not necessarily talking about that kind of “taken care of.”
The three most powerful words a man can say to a woman are, “I got this!”
And because of evolutionary biology, women are attuned to the most innocuous feelings of others: we had to communicate silently while berry-picking to not get picked off by predators. The feminine aspect of (most) women’s nature is far more sensitive to picking up subtle signs of niceness over goodness.
When you’re “too nice,” she won’t trust that you’re being honest and real with her and, therefore, aren’t trustworthy!
I’ll tell you right now, fibbers don’t make women feel safe. Nuhuh, no, sir, do not pass go. Go back to the hand lotion. Back off and whack off, Buster! (<—That last line is from my fab editor!!)
But when a man has his own opinions, and especially when he can disagree with her in a kind or even playful way, then she knows he’ll have an opinion when it really counts—like when he has an opportunity to physically protect her or verbally defend her. Or even when she feels unsure about something and wants his opinion.
The backbone to my #WakeUP2Luv program is a step-by-step what-to-do plan to rewrite your (love) life, inside and outside… because you can read a bazillion blogs on how to build a bicycle, but until you start putting parts together, dude, you ain’t got no ride.
Ladies, ever gone out with someone “too nice?” What was the worst part? Comment below!
If you enjoyed this blog or know someone who’s got a Costco card for hand cream, please share!
Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam