True or False: Nice Guys Finish Last?

Nice Guys Finish Last But Good Men Come In First

The difference between nice guys and good guys is … self-assurance.

And now here’s a photo of a dolphin …

waxing your dolphin

No, just kidding. Well, yes, it is a photo of a dolphin, but there’s more to this whole nice-guys-finish-last story. And if you don’t want to be a single guy waxing his dolphin forever, focus here fellas!

Nice Guys:

  • don’t trust themselves enough to have solid opinions
  • agree with everything she says to be amenable
  • avoid potential mistakes by not making decisions

Good Guys:

  • trust themselves enough to have solid opinions and aren’t afraid to share them
  • disagree with things that don’t align with their beliefs (respectfully)
  • are confident decision makers because they’ve learned from practicing [making decisions]

Women prefer good men over nice guys because women want to feel safe, and a man with self-assurance makes her feel safe.

Let’s analyze …

A woman believes that a man with solid opinions, who can make decisions and disagree when necessary, will be able to “take care of” her, and since women’s primary need is to feel safe—emotionally and physically—his self-assurance goes a long way to achieving that goal—even if he isn’t capable of taking care of her.

Do women need to be taken care of?

In the modern age and in the Western world, not really, but despite a bazillion years of evolution, feeling safe is still an innate need. I don’t know a woman who doesn’t want to feel safe and taken care of. And this doesn’t mean a man needs bags of money. I’m not necessarily talking about that kind of “taken care of.”

The three most powerful words a man can say to a woman are, “I got this!
Bryan Reeves

And because of evolutionary biology, women are attuned to the most innocuous feelings of others: we had to communicate silently while berry-picking to not get picked off by predators. The feminine aspect of (most) women’s nature is far more sensitive to picking up subtle signs of niceness over goodness.

When you’re “too nice,” she won’t trust that you’re being honest and real with her and, therefore, aren’t trustworthy!

I’ll tell you right now, fibbers don’t make women feel safe. Nuhuh, no, sir, do not pass go. Go back to the hand lotion. Back off and whack off, Buster! (<—That last line is from my fab editor!!)

But when a man has his own opinions, and especially when he can disagree with her in a kind or even playful way, then she knows he’ll have an opinion when it really counts—like when he has an opportunity to physically protect her or verbally defend her. Or even when she feels unsure about something and wants his opinion.

How to Go From Nice Guy to Good Man:

  1. Monitor yourself in conversations—with everyone, not just women.
  2. Contemplate how you feel about certain things that you usually simply agree with.
  3. When you discover a conflicting opinion, instead of agreeing with the person, ask questions.
  4. When you get comfy asking questions, offer alternative opinions, “Some people think [this], what do you think?” They may ask for your opinion. Here’s your opportunity to share your take in a non-aggressive way.
  5. Make decisions. If a friends says―Where do you want to eat?―even if you don’t care, offer a suggestion. You can make it easy on yourself by saying what you crave and letting them make the decision, or ask them what they crave and make the decision on where to eat.

Nice Guys Finish Last Takeaways:

  1. Lack of self-assurance comes from lack of practice; lack of practice comes from lack of self-esteem.
  2. Nice = fake. Kind = respectful.

The backbone to my #WakeUP2Luv program is a step-by-step what-to-do plan to rewrite your (love) life, inside and outside… because you can read a bazillion blogs on how to build a bicycle, but until you start putting parts together, dude, you ain’t got no ride.

xo AJ

Ladies, ever gone out with someone “too nice?” What was the worst part? Comment below!

If you enjoyed this blog or know someone who’s got a Costco card for hand cream, please share!

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Matchmaker and Dating, Love and Relationship Expert Founder: Wingmam

Leave a Comment:

2 comments
Ron says October 8, 2016

Heard too often, “You’re a nice guy, but…”
Love is one way, Relationships are a two way street. From my experience with some women, I offer a differing opinion and I’m not allowed to have it. I MUST accept hers. I’m wrong, she’s right. Isn’t that what a lot of memes imply? That puts the fault on the women, not the guy.

Don’t agree with all this evolution stuff. Tried to make it work step by step. It falls apart. Need to find another reasoning for why women are the way they are. Pride and design perhaps.

What’s the verse almost every marriage has: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
BUT, if a man demonstrates these characteristics is he too nice, or is he too good?

Reply
    Anna Jorgensen says October 9, 2016

    Thanks for your comment, Ron 🙂
    My initial thoughts are:
    You’re not presenting your opinion respectfully or the women you’re choosing to share your differing opinions with are emotionally immature or, finally, your differences are more than opinion deep: you have misaligned values, which most people have trouble tolerating within close relationships.
    We are allowed to have different opinions.
    Women and men certainly are different in many ways, some of which affect how well we receive info from the opposite sex. Our brains process info differently. Most people don’t know or understand what the differences are so they expect the other person to act/react as they would. (That’s a book in itself!)
    As for the “Love is” poem…that is something we would all be best striving for, but no one is perfect and we are all at different places on the path. Find people close to where you are and you’ll find more understanding.
    Hope this helps!!
    Anna

    Reply
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