How to Find Love by Changing Crappy Beliefs

Change Your Mind. Change Your Life.

In my last post, “Why We Self-Sabotage From Finding Love,” we explored the why’s. Now let’s look at the how-to’s, specifically: How to find love by changing crappy beliefs.

If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.
—Henry Ford

Quick review on beliefs:

  • Beliefs are thoughts.
  • Thoughts create feelings.
  • To change our feelings, we need to change our thoughts.

AJ TMI #JustTheTip True Story

A few days ago, I was at a pizza joint chowing down on a delish piece of pizza pie (mmm, NY-style pizza), and there’s this guy two tables over from me. We both face the same direction, and there’s no one at the table in between us.

He looks over a few times—don’t underestimate peripheral vision—and I’m deciding if I feel like chatting. I’d spent the day volunteering at a speaking summit, so I was kinda tired and not feeling social, but I thought of you, my readers! (I’m not kidding.)

Finally, I glanced his way and smiled, and he took the opportunity to make a comment.

You want to know what he said that got my attention?

I can’t remember! Maybe he asked what kind of pizza I was eating. Maybe he said something else. The point is—it wasn’t memorable, and it didn’t matter.

We chatted for a bit back and forth, and then he moved to the closer table. We chatted for a bit longer.

I (purposefully) left before he could ask me out because I wasn’t romantically interested, and I don’t have enough time for the (sorely neglected) friends I already have.

By the way, I was eating a piece of spicy Capicola. Mmm…pizza…

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
—Wayne Gretzky.

How to Find Love by Changing Crappy Beliefs

  1. Go through the actions that you take—or don’t take—in your love life, and make a list of all the beliefs you think you have that suck. For example: If your best friend actually said the crap that you think about yourself to you in front of someone who loves you, that friend would get a punch to the throat—or, at least, a verbal whipping—from that loved one.
  2. Figure out the real belief behind it. Keep asking yourself, “What’s the real belief?” until you know the answer.
  3. Ask yourself if that belief is fact or fiction. Hint: If you feel defensive, it’s probably fiction.
  4. Choose a better belief. Seriously, make shit up.
  5. Talk nice to yourself from now on.

How to Find Love by Changing Beliefs Takeaways

  1. Beliefs are just thoughts that translate into feelings—fear, anxiety, and worry.
  2. Thoughts can be changed to better-feeling thoughts. Better-feeling thoughts lead to more confident actions.

xo AJ

Fast forward to the happy ending bits here: Get A Girlfriend here.

Ladies: Get a Good Man here.

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam

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