AJ here: Hey, guys! Whether you’re looking for the best dating app or the best dating sites, you’re going to love this interview with Mr. Schwartz about how to make your online dating a shit ton more effective, and I dare say … fun!
Make sure to read to the end, because as aside from some stellar dating app / dating site advice, our honorary guest interviewee has an amazing offer for you!
GS: I started because years ago a friend was venting to me about dating. Bars were terrible, Meetups didn’t work, friends didn’t introduce him to women they knew… nothing worked!
He hadn’t said anything about online dating, so I asked him how that was going.
He became infuriated! “Greg, online dating doesn’t work for me. Online dating doesn’t work for ANY of our friends. You’re the only one online dating works for! So stop $^#@$@# suggesting I use online dating!”
GS: I was shocked, and changed the subject so he’d calm down.
I thought it was interesting that he’d gotten so mad, especially since we DID have friends that it had worked for. And I thought that even though I meet most of the women I date online, I’m as frustrated with online dating as everyone else, aren’t I?
So I started researching how people felt about online dating. And I found that not only was I much better at it, but that most people absolutely hated it!
“It doesn’t make sense”, “I can’t get it to work”, “Women are rude online”, “Men are awful online” etc.
So I created a course teaching people how I approach online dating, and it eventually morphed into the courses I offer now.
GS: For men I have my Get More Dates 90 Day Program.
Many men I talk to struggle with getting enough dates and want to be confident that they’re working on the right parts of dating. My program not only takes their profile from bland to amazing, it also teaches how to appeal to the kind of woman they want, so she’ll love his photos and profile.
I also offer in-person workshops for both men (and women).
GS: Definitely, let’s do that … The biggest source of dating stress is expecting the woman to act the way you want, when you want.
Having empathy for the other person (regardless of gender and orientation) is one of the biggest things I see missing from dating.
When you have empathy and someone cancels a date at the last minute you don’t say, “Ugh, she’s a flake and a loser” or “Wow, she’s so high maintenance and self-absorbed”.
You say, “Oh, I’m disappointed that you’re canceling. What’s going on?”
Then they can tell you about why and you can actually connect over it. And that increased connection makes it easier to reschedule (whether they offer or you ask).
GS: It’s hard to generalize like that. But, here are what I most often hear:
That said, everyone looks for all those things! I simply tend to usually hear those things first.
If you don’t do it, you’ll miss out on a lot of chances for connection. Can it be done badly, or taken too far? Absolutely! But throwing it out automatically is a huge mistake.
GS: There isn’t one site that’s best. It depends on you and who you want to attract. Are you looking for someone religious? Try eHarmony. Are you looking for someone well educated? Try OkCupid. Are you looking for someone who has a corporate job? Try Coffee Meets Bagel or Hinge. And so on.
Great photos serve at least two of the above purposes. If a photo doesn’t serve at least two of those purposes, delete it right away.
GS: Never, ever play hard to get.
This type of behaviour is what creates a lot of the cultural issues North American society is running into, and it’s why men have been trained not to take “no” for an answer. Playing games is why everyone — I hear this frequently from both men and women — feels like they can’t be honest when they’re attracted to someone.
Playing hard to get is purposefully saying one thing when you mean another to create confusion for the other person. It can work, but it doesn’t create healthy relationships.
GS: Story is exactly it! Come up with true stories about aspects of you that are attractive to the people you are interested in. Practice telling those stories.
Telling a story allows you to show those attractive qualities in a believable way, unlike saying, “I’m smart!” which no one believes.
Telling a story is also attractive because having a story that you’re comfortable with helps you feel confident, which is very attractive.
Finally, stories are how people connect and make for a much more fun date than “uh, so what do you do? And where did you go to school?”
GS: I love the lightbulb moments when they suddenly understand a concept. And when they get the date they were hoping for — the celebration, the jumping up and down, the fist pumps, the cheering!
GS: Actually, everyone’s pretty hard on themselves. I focus on helping them be authentic and proud of themselves.
GS:I took a client through a lesson on figuring out what qualities he wanted in a woman and what aspects of himself would be attractive to a woman with those qualities. Then I helped him brainstorm stories that showed those aspects of himself and gave him homework to practice and polish the stories.
On our next call he told me that he’d gone to two parties and naturally started sharing those stories with women he was interested in. Instead of their eyes glazing over and wandering away — the usual reaction, if he could even work up the nerve to talk to an attractive woman — they couldn’t wait to hear more!
He ended up getting two of their phone numbers, and was blown away! He’d never before gotten a woman’s number at a party, let alone two.
GS: Get clear on the qualities you’re looking for in someone beyond the usual qualities people look for: body, height, income, occupation, car, etc. Knowing what those qualities are will help you better recognize that kind of person, even if they aren’t quite your usual “type.” Then brainstorm the aspects of you that would appeal to that kind of person.
GS: Since Anna is awesome, I’m going to gift the first 7 of your readers with an Online Dating Breakthrough Session!
This isn’t free coaching. It’s to help you become clear on what you want (beyond the usual qualities: body, height, etc), and what’s not working for you in dating. If there’s a fit and resonance, I’ll tell you how I can help.
Go to makeonlinedatingfun to sign up! Only the first 7 people will get that gift and everyone will get my Cheat Sheet for the Best Profile Photos.
AJ: Wow, you guys! I wasn’t expecting this offer. Let that be a ‘note to self’: Under promise and over deliver.
Greg really knows his stuff, so get on over there and take advantage of his generous offer.
Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam