These tips for separated men come from a viewer, Almost Divorced Man (thanks, ADM!), who is at the tail end of finalizing his divorce. Yay for Almost Divorced Man!
For the sake of clarity, the indented paragraphs are ADM’s words; the rest are Anna’s interjections.
If I haven’t made a note, I completely agree with ADM and no additional commentary is needed.
If you thought getting divorced sucks, the bad news is that dating as a separated Man is even worse.
Religion, family, girlfriends and even dating videos have infused bad connotations in woman’s minds about Separated Men.
I could not find one dating video that supported dating tips for Separated Men or Women. Even … Anna has a video telling guys to stay away from Separated Women.
True. I don’t think anyone should look for their next forever love with their still entangled with the last one. I explain why later in this post…
All is not lost! There are things you can do to find women as a Separated Man.
Woman want stability and certainty and being a man in “limbo” with a divorce pushes all the wrong buttons with many women.
I was never sure how you become instantaneously more attractive or a better person the day after your divorce, but that is how many women think.
It has nothing to do with worth, as I’ll explain in the Risks section.
As with all problems, you have to face it before you can deal with it.
Analyze why your marriage, or marriages (in my case) did not work.
Whether it was that you grew apart, family issues, financial issues, careers or whether either one or both of you cheated.
No matter what happened, you bear some of the responsibility.
Your next love deserves the true answer as to why it went off the tracks.
Do not make the same mistake again.
Do a criteria list for your next love (I have 23 items on mine). Stay true to that list.
Especially for the older, Separated Man, you are going to be dealing with the box of broken toys.
Every woman is going to have some issues. Your criteria list will help sort through your feelings on a woman.
Do not compromise or settle from the critical criteria items on your list. You are better than that!
Cough: WakeUP2Luv… Ok, continue reading…
It is a lot better to be alone or hang with your buddies than be in another unhappy relationship.
The dating process as a Separated Man sucks, especially as an older man.
Do a list for what you have to do and act to stay positive and to keep your spirits up (I have 13 items on my list).
Watch Anna’s other videos for key behavioral points that you have to follow.
Make sure you are able to tolerate rejection and frustration because there will be a lot of that.
Get to the gym, hair stylist and clothing / shoe store.
Spend some money on yourself. The last thing a woman wants is a broken man.
Identify married women who you find attractive, have the right financial status and have common interests and values as you and ask them to fix you up with their single friends.
Do this with strangers as well as women you know. Many women fancy themselves as matchmakers.
Some are good at it, some are really good at it and some just fix you up with a hopelessly, damaged friend. Given them some basic criteria on what you are looking for.
Unfortunately, these married women are only good for one fix up.
They will invariably fix you up with a friend or relative and will not compromise that friendship or relationship by fixing you up with another woman.
This is the ultimate numbers game, so get as many married women working for you as possible.
Drop the bad fixups and find more married women to fix you up.
Be absolutely clear with women where you are in your divorce, whether you are at the beginning, end, in mediation, close to a settlement or in a long fight.
If you are in for a long fight with your ex, you are likely screwed in finding the woman of your dreams.
You will have to settle for a [less than ideal] woman or a life of playing golf with your buddies and looking for one-night stands.
Many women will not go out with you because you are a Separated Man or on the second date will inform you that they do not want to see you again until you are divorced.
A great [suggestion] here:
When a woman says that her principles will not allow her to go on a date with a Separated Man, tell her that you understand and tell her to label the next time with you as just something with a “friend.”
A woman is self-compelled to communicate that she is a “good girl”. Give her a way out of it by not calling it a date.
Women are naturally curious creatures and love to get into your business, especially your divorce.
Ask them to review your divorce filings and ask them for advice on the process.
Consider her counsel but don’t automatically go with what she says. You hired a lawyer for a reason.
Bring them under the tent and keep them updated every step of the way.
This is risky for sure as you are going to lay everything out there, but no better way to build teamwork, emotional intimacy and trust with a woman.
Women who have been divorced or widowed for a few years are likely to be set in their ways, have lots of girlfriends, travel groups, and rely on family, church, friends etc. for support and companionship.
Some even have their ex’s as friends.
These women may say they want a man in their lives but do not believe them. They do not have a place in their heart or time in their schedule for you.
They may have a place in their heart for a man, but even if they’re open to being with the right guy, a “separated man” won’t be him.
Take trips to places where there are available women.
Go to warm, trendy places with action and things going on.
Worry about a commuting relationship later.
You are in the middle of two of the hardest processes in your life.
Do not be angry and keep your emotions in check.
Anger is normal and healthy, just don’t get stuck in it and don’t take it express it inappropriately.
Take advantage of your time as a Separated Man to improve yourself, find new friends and stock the shelves with women who will go out with you after your divorce.
If you are really lucky, you will find Your Next Love before your divorce.
Either way, be in control and stay in control.
There some stellar tips for separated men right there! Again, thanks Almost Divorced Man. (Feel free to contact ADM here: DivorcedSCman@yahoo.com)
Now, let’s look at some of the areas to remind yourself to be cautiously aware of…
So take these tips for separated men with a bucket of salt. Do not place said salt in divorce wound. Go forth knowing … this too shall pass.
I searched far and wide for additional resources for men who want to be their best regardless of what women want.
This is for men who want to reclaim what they feel women have stolen from them in a bad relationship and reconnect with their masculine confidence in all areas of life.
I am excited to be partnered as an affiliate with 21 Studios, the best one-stop resource for good men who love women but are tired of the “damaged” ones.
Please use these links when purchasing a membership or convention tickets as it helps me stock decent chocolate and might even help me get to the convention! (God willing!)
21 Studios University Membership Site (Tons of videos!)
21 Studios Convention for Men (This is your tribe, fellas!)
I’ve really got nothing new to report on my health issues, so I’ll just add that there truly are good women out there who won’t divorce-rape you, even if you divorce.
And while it was still an emotionally painful process for both my ex-husband and me, we negotiated our own settlement amicably.
He got more in the divorce agreement because he came into the relationship with more (I was 23 and he was 39 when we met), even though my income and entrepreneurial acumen acquired substantial equity for us.
I also felt that because I had more working years left in me than he did, I could financially recover within those extra working years.
Our respective lawyers simply had to draft the paperwork. It cost less than $1,200. Canadian!
After the divorce, we continued doing business together for over five years (he was a builder and I was a land pimp aka REALTOR®) until I moved on to this career.
My ex is remarried and retired and while we’re no longer friends (time, distance, respect for his new wife) I sincerely wish him health, wealth and true happiness.
My sharing this isn’t to make you feel worse about your situation, but to emphasize that NAWALT (not all women are like that).
I was not a perfect wife by far, but I was as good a woman as one could get for a divorce.
There’s so much more that could be said here, but I’ll leave it at that.
Take the time to heal so you don’t wind up choosing poorly because of loneliness.
Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)