Project: 50 First Dates―Date #4: Women’s Safety

For Women’s Safety & Your Dating Success…

Women’s primary need with men is to feel safe, therefore women’s safety should be at the forefront of your mind when online dating.

If you’re new to my blog, several years ago when I had just started blogging about my relationship theories, I “took up” online dating as a sort of study.

And, yes, I did disclose up front (on my profile), that I was doing research.

A few good men took me up on the offer of a real fake date and in exchange I provided them with honest feedback, something you’ll rarely if ever get on a real real date.

If you haven’t read about dates one, two and three, you can find them here, here, and here.

Date #4: Women’s Safety

Dating site: match.com
Age: early 50s
Kids: none
Work: network management

Concerned Citizen messages me on match.com to see if I’m also seriously looking for a mate or selectively soliciting business.

I replied back, “You’ll get honest feedback. Might help with the next one.”

We exchanged a couple brief texts, then he suggested we go to an exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery, and if things went well, maybe lunch after. Like.

A couple days later―why drag it out―I arrived early at the VAG. I texted him to let him know. He worked nearby and agreed to meet me early.

When he arrived, we got right to it. (No, not “that” to it. Sheesh.)

I told him why I’d been away for a month (family member died), which lead to a heavy conversation right off. (My bad.)

But at least he’d similarly offered intimate insights of his life.

We chatted about online dating, and I remember him telling me, after some hesitation, “Women give too much away.”

I asked him, “What do you mean?”

He replied, “Well, this is going to sound creepy. No, I better not.”

Hint: When you say, “I’d better not say…” know that you’re going to have to say!

I prodded, “Now, you have to tell me! No judgments. I’m here to learn, too.”

And so he told me how easy it is to find out “who they are and where they live and work and …”

He closed with, “I’m not a stalker.”

I said, “Yeah, but that does sound creepy. I might not start an interaction with that.”

Our whole conversation felt factual more than emotional.

I took it to mean he was either reserved, shy or nervous. (He actually didn’t come across as creepy.)

He reminded me he was really not a stalker and didn’t know how to tell women to watch out for guys who are.

“I’ll write about it. Alert the ladies. Safety first, after all.”

We went to the VAG exhibit―theme: culture. Effect: creepy!

However, the array of way-out-there exhibits was def definitely intellectually stimulating.

After 90 minutes exploring two of the four floors of VAG, I was mentally exhausted with brain overload.

“That’s all I can handle.” I told him, referring to the exhibit, and he agreed.

We left the building, not speaking but silently absorbing what we’d experienced―at least I was. Even though I had somewhere else to be, I wanted to go home for a nap.

I gave him a hug, and we parted ways.

Concerned Citizen seemed like a great guy, but because of our convo “Creepy Citizen” was my associated feeling toward him. (Which I told him is how all women would feel.)

Takeaways:

  1. Artsy-fartsy cultural events provide for interesting amusement and stimulating conversation, but be sure to interact during the exhibition―your date is the main attraction, after all.
  2. If your date place is somewhere mentally rousing―not arousing, fellas―allot an hour maximum for that part so you have time and think-ability to chat after.
  3. Guys: Don’t do your “background checks” until you have a date secured―otherwise, that will creep women out and they’ll run like a scared hare.
  4. Incase any ladies are reading this: Be careful; there are weirdos out there! Do do your background checks first!
  5. Laughter is key especially on a first date. Though some serious topics can safely be discussed on Date #2, I’d skip the “women’s safety” and other deep convo on Date #1. Stick to mostly fun and playful.

I’m still getting over the bunny’s-head-on-big-stick exhibit. #creepy

If you want the map to better online dating during/post covid get my Double Your Online Dating video training today.

It’s short, sweet, compact and only $10US (price subject to change!), less than your next bad coffee date even if you go Dutch. 😉

If you’re offended (or Dutch), I won’t apologize for the non-PC remark, political correctness has gone too far.

xo Anna

Also! Check out this fab playlist on online dating, texting and long distance relationships!

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)

Leave a Comment:

5 comments
George says September 26, 2020

Listen. Don’t give too much info. Ask her interests. Discuss the event where you are. Think of the effect the next thing you say will have on the relationship, and mostly, how it will be taken. Women never forget, may forgive, but never forget (personal experience). Oh, and by the way, ask how she takes her coffee. HA, that last ones for you girl. Do believe l like your hair short. (Scratch that) l think your hair looks good short. (See what l mean)
Always can learn from some of your tips.Sad thing is, l realize the mistakes l made in the past were all my own. We learn through our mistakes, but, we shouldn’t make that the only way we learn. That’s where your advice comes into play, sooner or later.
Hopefully sooner.

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George says September 26, 2020

I don’t lack confidence and like to keep things light. Example:
Saw a lady wiggling to the music, watching others dance. Walked up behind her and said ‘You going to stand there and wiggle all night or do you want to dance?’ We danced, and when we were through she said ‘ I’ve never been asked to dance that way before.’ We just laughed.
Sometimes l feel like a nut, sometimes l don’t.

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    Anna Jorgensen says September 28, 2020

    Well done! 🙂 AJ

    Reply
John says September 30, 2020

1) Nice, really liked the suggestion for ice breaker, please do more of those
2) regarding hair, if you’re in a serious relationship ask him, isn’t that the most important opinion? I don’t get why women ignore the desires of the one they love for opinions of strangers… then wonder why he looks elsewhere… dolt!….
3) General comment – Kudos to you, you’re videos lately have been really great. You’ve been giving more specifics for those of us trying to get started. I’m 60 and having to start over after 35 yrs of marriage, it is really a challenge as nothing is clear, obvious or familiar. I know I’m a great catch (ex’s friends used to call me a saint, and perfect hubby), but trying to get that out there in online dating is challenging. So please keep up these very detailed videos they are great.
4) Finally I’ll check in a moment, but if you don’t already offer a service to review a profile, make very specific (verses general) comments/corrections, for a smallish fee (say an hour of your time… or less if you’re really fast). Then I would recommend it. I for one would really like someone with your skills to assess and give feedback. Of course the best way would be for you to have an account on the major sites, as they seem to each have a different format.

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rodney Burke says October 22, 2020

where to meet a woman who is 45+ and ready to date again. I am 77 in excellent health

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