How to make a woman feel safe is best understood with a story.
Once upon a time, there was an average guy named John who wasn’t the tallest, richest or best looking fella but the ladies thought he was stellar!
He had the knack of ATTRACTING seducing the most beautiful women.
The women John met not only craved to be his cuddle buddy but they fell in love with him.
What did John have that other average guys didn’t?
He knew how to make women feel safe with him.
If you’ve watched a few of my videos, you know that women’s primary need is to feel safe, both physically and emotionally.
You might also know women generally don’t feel safe right away with a man they don’t know.
Let’s get back to John’s story…
After many years of being too nice and a people pleaser and constantly getting rejected, friend zoned or dumped after only a few dates, John started taking small steps toward being more authentic and assertive.
So, what did John do?
He took baby steps until he learned that doing things a little differently was having a huge impact not only on his love life but on his whole life.
When John met a girl for the first time, let’s call her Ashley, he made sure she knew he was as concerned for her safety as she was.
Most guys don’t do that. They’re too busy thinking about getting rejected.
It was in the little things John did, like—
Shifting his stance to ensure he was never blocking Ashley’s exit, while at the same time placing himself between her and potential danger—like that Creepy Guy checking her out.
John didn’t even try to make it subtle.
He might even say, “How about I stand here so you get the good view.” Winking so she knew they were in on it together.
John knew Ashley would feel safer having an escape route and that she wouldn’t want to be harassed by Creepy Guy.
Instinctively, Ashley felt protected and understood, which instantly gave her butterflies and made her feel a tinge of attraction toward John that wasn’t there when she first saw him.
Sometimes, John would use this scenario as a conversation opener by playfully teasing a pretty girl he’d just met saying, “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from that creepy guy.”
He usually got a giggle or laugh, which he knew means she’s open to conversation.
Now sometimes, the girl didn’t laugh but John never took it personally. She might be having a bad day or maybe a bad life.
Instead of feeling rejected, John chose to feel sorry for those girls and always sincerely smiled and said, “Have a good day” as he left.
He knew if a girl was simply having a bad day, she’d already feel bad for having a cranky reaction to him and if she was having a bad life and always acted like that, well, he’d just been spared a future with someone who probably wasn’t worth the trouble.
John made women feel physically safe with him because he always considered the physical safety factors women worry about.
Women are always, if unconsciously, thinking about their physical safety.
But John also got really good at making women feel emotionally safe with him, and that’s why they fell in love with him.
John learned that the real keepers, the high value emotionally healthy women, need to feel emotionally safe with a man in order to fall in love with him.
He’d learned the hard way after being with a few emotionally unhealthy women it’s the damaged ones that go for the real bad boys, not the keepers.
So, he vowed to be a strong, alpha man without being truly bad.
He made tough decisions, took calculated risks, and was always honest even when he knew the girl wouldn’t like what he was saying.
John knew women respect men who can make a decision and take risks in life.
He knew women respect men who are direct and honest.
And he knew that respect precedes attraction. No respect, no attraction.
John took small steps toward becoming more alpha assertive until it became natural.
Then he might say, “I’d like to take you out for dinner. What’s your number?
Or once he was dating a girl, he’d say, “Wear something nice tonight, I’m taking you to a fancy restaurant.”
Or, “If I don’t get the promotion I deserve, I’ll start my own business.”
Or, “Yes, I did notice that scantily clad woman. Any red-blooded man would. No, I didn’t flirt with her. Why go for mutton when you’ve got steak.”
Or, “No, I’m not a fan of your friend, Jane, she’s catty and makes you feel bad.”
John became a straight shooter because being a people pleaser didn’t make women respect him or feel safe with him.
But he was never a jerk. Being a real bad boy only attracts the messed up throw-backs!
So, because of these qualities John developed, women instinctively trusted him.
And if a woman trusts you and respects you, she’ll feel safe with you.
It took courage for John to trust himself enough to move away from his “too nice people pleasing ways” but he did it one step at a time.
And now John is with an amazing girl who meets his high standards and always feels safe with him.
Be like John.
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Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)