Whyyy? Why Doesn’t He Call? Text? Send a Smoke Signal for Jebus Sake??
This one time, right after a first date, my roommate gave me two weeks’ notice to move, my car went to the repair shop, and then I got a call that my mom was in the hospital, so I borrowed a friend’s car and rushed back to Vancouver Island from Vancouver. And all of this happened within five days after the date.
Guess what? The date wasn’t my priority.
Guess what else? When I didn’t reply back immediately, the guy texted me this, “I guess you’re not as nice as you say you are … blah blah blah …”
His not giving me the benefit of the doubt made me give him the boot.
Ladies: This will seem totally counterintuitive, but men actually don’t want to disappoint us. That’s why he doesn’t fess up that he’s not interested. He doesn’t know that it’s way fucking worse to disappear without a word.
Gents: We think you’re lousy a-holes with no balls when you “ghost” us. We’ll respect you more and feel respected if you just grow some and let us know when you’re not interested. We may get pissy, but it’s short-term, you’ll get over it just like we will.
Takeaways:
- Always take the high road and assume a positive. He or she may not be interested, or they may have a lot of shit happening in their life. How you handle this can (rightfully) make or break the date.
- Ask questions, don’t assume.
- Be honest! My god, have some decency. If you’re not that into the person, say so. Kindly. For example, “Really sorry, I wasn’t feeling the romantic chemistry. :(” Or how about this crazy courageous communication: “I had a really great time with you. I need to deal with some other stuff in my life right now.” (Note to self.) This message is a softer exit.
xo AJ
p.s. Additional excuses, er, reasons for disappearing like a ghost are welcome in the comments! Like if you already met someone else and that person suddenly reappeared and you want to explore the potential of that relationship first. If you want to know how to handle that situation, let me know in the comments and I’ll write about it for you.
p.p.s. I’m kinda Christian-y spiritual and I say lighten up on the religious judgments, that’s God’s job. (In case you were offended by the Jebus reference. Also, note that fuck isn’t a blaspheme, it’s simply vulgar.)
