What men want from women, but especially from a woman they’ll settle down with: respect, appreciation, and adoration—R/A/A. Not that different from what women want.
These attractive qualities are not outrageous requests, but I’m shocked at how often I meet women who resist giving a man what he needs. Usually, the most resistance comes from successful, independent, female #bossbabes.
It takes a great deal of vulnerability to let ourselves overtly respect, appreciate and adore a man just for being a man when we are well-rounded and super-grounded and getting big business points in the corporate world.
But why is this?
Why can’t a man be good enough “as is, where is” and simply deserve our respect, appreciation and adoration? Why does a man have to earn more money than us—which, as feminists, we resent, anyway? Why does a man have to do things for us—which, as independent ladies, we don’t need?
Why are we so afraid to adore men?
It’s because we lack trust. In ourselves.
We don’t trust our own judgment to allow that kind of vulnerability with a man because men can hurt us. They can break our hearts, and they have in the past.
We’ve learned to take care of ourselves and to not let a man in too close. We want him close, but we’re too afraid to allow it, so we end up pushing him away by making him feel inferior.
We don’t trust ourselves to watch for red flags, establish healthy boundaries or leave if it turns out that we judged poorly.
And yet, most of us want a guy with a backbone. A guy who’ll protect us even though we can protect ourselves. A guy who isn’t a doormat. A guy we can respect, appreciate and adore.
The things is that men settle down with women who give them the benefit of the doubt and respect, appreciate and adore them before they’ve fully earned it.
But, Anna, shouldn’t he earn it first?
Yes and, to a degree, he even wants to—needs to! But if we want men to want to earn more R/A/A points, we must dole some points out a little at a time for every good behaviour.
Men need to experience a taste of what they can get for more good behaviour. Yep, just like a puppy dog! Or a child. Or, yeah, like how we all respond to positive, non-derogatory feedback!
The most attractive creatures on the planet to men are women who can show men respect, appreciation and adoration while maintaining their own high standards.
p.s. Um, just in case it’s not obvi, do not give good points for bad behaviour! But if you’re brave and kind, tell a guy which better behaviour you prefer. He ain’t fucking up on purpose.
Dating, Love and Relationship Coach Founder: Wingmam, Vancouver, Canada Warning: Not PC, not a feminist ❤️