July 14, 2020 | Dating 101, Tips For Chicks | By:  Michelle Castillo0 Comments


How to Be More Beautiful and Feminine…

Cultivating Qualities Good Men Crave! (The Full Manifesto)

Make Women Great Again™. That’s the title of a convention in Florida this coming October (2020) hosted by 21Studios with an all male speakers lineup that will teach women how to be more beautiful by understanding men.

Ladies, did just reading that trigger you?

A few years ago, it would’ve triggered me, too — big time.

But now…

Well, I think the phrase has merit.

I believe radical feminism has had a devastating effect on femininity.

If you’re a woman, you may not equate femininity with beauty — but, a lot of men do.

Before you click away, please hear me out.

I believe feminism started with equality in mind — fair treatment of men and woman, but as feminism has evolved, female femininity has devolved.

Side note: Third and fourth wave feminism seems to be focused on attaining inequality and the superiority of the female gender; and anything that devalues an entire subset of the population simply because of their sex goes too far as far as I’m concerned — but that is best saved for another post.

Many of us women are so busy trying to be boss babes, we’ve forgotten how to be women.

In the eyes of God, I believe we are all equal; equally valued, equally loved.

Equal but Different

By and large, men and women remain biologically, neurologically and emotionally wired and / or socially adapted to be different in many ways.

Sure, everyone, male or female, has a sliding scale of masculine and feminine qualities.

And, yes, there are always exceptions and the number of those exceptions may be growing because of those socialization aspects.

Social pressures, standards and influences (like feminism) affect our physiology (our neurology), and our beliefs, values and actions.

We’re breeding and conditioning out femininity like it’s some sort of irreparable flaw.

How messed up is that?

Hint: Very messed up!

If you’re wondering why that’s messed up, perhaps you’ve forgotten the value of female femininity and its relationship to beauty.

Most of the world’s societies allow us to choose how we’ll be — think, speak, act — in the world.

So, if you’re a woman who wants a masculine man or you simply want a man who values a woman’s true beauty and femininity, but you can’t seem to find, attract or keep a good guy, then this post is for you.

If you are not open to being more femininely beautiful, this post is not for you.

And while there are many attractive qualities a woman can, and dare I say should, cultivate if not naturally posses, like financial responsibility, accountability, confidence, and self-development to name a few, this manifesto focuses on traits I consider more femininely beautiful.

Where This ‘Be More Beautiful’ Manifesto Will Journey

First, we’ll go over a list of the 12 Qualities That Make a Woman Beautiful to Men as described by Alexander J. Cortes in his controversial twitter post.

Then, I’ll provide my own list of 18 additional qualities on how to be more beautiful that all women would do well to work on, regardless of whether you’re single and looking, married, or content going solo.

Next, I’ll offer some ideas on how you can help yourself get in the mood to be more feminine by providing some real world actionables feminine self-care so that this whole “how to be more beautiful” list feels natural.

Finally, I’ll provide details on where you can meet great men who appreciate true feminine beauty and who lead with safe, loving masculinity; as well as similar-minded women to can connect with who support and value real beauty and femininity.

Men and Women Really Are Different

Just before we get into Cortes’ list, remember that men and women are different!

Meaning, Cortes’ list may offend some ladybirds with it’s directness. (Directness is a masculine trait, after all. And if you’re offended by the affectionate term “ladybird,” best to click away now!)

Still here?

Yay!

Question: Do you have standards about the kind of man you want? (I hope so!)

Well, men have standards, too.

We want men to be honest, but when they’re honest and tell us exactly how to be more beautiful and feminine in their eyes, we punish them.

That’s messed up, ladies.

So, without further adieu, and with some minor “softening by Anna J for the sensitive” here’s…

Alexander Cortes’ List of How to Be Beautiful

  1. Be fit and healthy.
  2. Be a good cook.
  3. Have long hair.
  4. Wear makeup.
  5. Be feminine.
  6. Have gracefulness.
  7. Be sensual.
  8. Shave.
  9. Be fashionable.
  10. Wear pink and feminine colours.
  11. Love & listen to men.
  12. Stay classy.

That’s it.

Did you cringe? Did you get your back up? Are you still reading this?

Honestly, this list isn’t awful, yet the man who penned it sure got a lot of flack about it.

Let’s break it down a bit…

1. Be fit and healthy (I believe Cortes actually stated: slim)

Ideally, if you’re looking for true love and not just a fat wallet, you want a man who isn’t going to croak next week.

Men don’t want an unhealthy woman, either.

Yeah, but Anna, they also want us to be fit and healthy because they just like the look of skinny girls with big boobs. That’s so vain and shallow.

First of all, what men find attractive does vary somewhat.

Second of all, if they prefer skinny with boobs, so what?

You have a right to be turned on by what you’re turned on by and so do men.

And! Men are biologically wired to notice women’s physical bodies more than women are built to notice and be affected by a guy with six-pack abs.

Some things just are what they are and we need to get over it, already.

2. Be a Good Cook

Oh, man. I so fail at this one!

Well, not entirely true. I’m a good cook when I actually cook. But I’m a lazy kitchen nymph.

The old saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” still rings true, today.

Again, if this is what a man desires, accept the fact.

Just like if you want a man who’s romantic or spontaneous or complimentary or whatever it is that YOU desire and appreciate.

If you don’t want to learn how to be a good cook, don’t. But don’t try to take away his desire to appreciate this quality in a woman.

And if you’re working full-time and come home exhausted every day, then making a gourmet meal might not be on the daily to-do list, but if you wanted to, I’d bet you could find the time — or negotiate on other tasks — to make a meal made with love once in awhile.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

3. Have Long Hair

Biologically, men in general do respond more positively to longer hair on women, at least subconsciously.

But, I will say two things about this. In my opinion:

  • Styling to suit your face is more important than length — think of Halle Berry who most will agree looks stunning with short hair.
  • Personally, I’ve had waist-length hair, which men over 30 preferred, and Halle Berry short hair cuts, which men under 30 preferred.

My suggestion is to do with your hair whatever suits your face and personality and you’ll attract a man who likes the real you.

Just be sure to actually “do” your hair once in awhile, like wash it and, um, style it.

How to be more beautiful does include not being a slob.

4. Wear Makeup

Again, there’s a range here of what men prefer.

Some men like a lot of makeup, a total glam gal; others prefer the girl-next-door natural makeup look; and some prefer variety!

Very few women can get away with absolutely no makeup and look feminine. #Doutzen

If you want to be and feel more beautiful, makeup was created to enhance our femininity.

5. Be Feminine

Of all the how to be more beautiful suggestions, this one may cover them all!

This one’s such a broad category, you’re best to stay tuned for the Anna J list. 😉

6. Be Graceful

Move like a woman, not like a man.

Most women don’t thump and clomp around like guys sometimes do, but often we rush and move around rather abruptly.

I get it, we’re busy, we’ve got a lot to do. All. The. Time.

But if you want to be more femininely beautiful, slow down a bit.

Grace and sensuality are closely related with the main (but significant) difference being that being graceful removes the sexually charged energy that being sensual amplifies.

Personally, I think graceful also includes smiling sincerely and easily.

Technically, a demure smile can be considered seductive, but it depends on the energy behind the smile.

Which brings us to…

7. Be Sensual

Oh la la! Men do love a sensual woman!

What is sensual?

It’s being more present and not rushing but instead fully and viscerally enjoying the experience of whatever you’re doing I the moment.

Again, take a deep breath and slow down.

Talk more softly and languidly, relax and soften your facial muscles, lower your eyelids and linger longer with meaningful eye contact.

Sexy is a fitted red dress and / or revealing bare legs and / or cleavage.

But sensuality, ooh la la, that’s your whole aura when you feel sexy in that dress.

If you really want to feel sensual in the presence of a worthy man, cock your head slightly, lightly stroke your upper décolletage and lick or bite your lower lip while maintaining eye contact with your man.

That’ll drive him wild.

This can feel really uncomfortable if you haven’t done it in awhile (or ever)!

Be brave, boss babe. 😉

8. Shave

Maybe they’re okay with hairy pits and Sasquatch gams in other lands, but in Western Society, most men prefer smooth.

As for your lady bits, well, that’s a subjective area, but again most men at least prefer a tidy lady’s garden and not an overgrown bush.

The 70s have left the building.

Enough said.

9. 10. Be Fashionable, Wear Pink and Feminine Colours

Most men don’t care if you’re in the most recent fashions, but they do care that you care how you put yourself together.

Wear clothes that flatter your body and make you feel beautiful, sensuous and/or sexy … while still being classy.

We all have our own style, but there are options that offer more feminine colours, styles, prints, fabrics etc.

What does feminine style look like?

Thanks for asking!

Think pink if you want to go with delicate femininity; red if you desire the siren seductress image.

Florals, flowing fabrics, silks and satins, soft colours, dresses and skirts, ruffles and draping necklines are all feminine.

I repeat, do not go around looking like a slob in dirty sweat pants and military boots if you want to look and feel more femininely beautiful.

11. Love Men! Listen to Men!

I combined these two because to me one goes with the other.

Ladies, if you’re resentful of men in general, that is as far away from feminine beauty as you can get.

You must love men for being men and want to understand them, which means listening to and hearing them, not berating them or trying to change them into women.

If you cannot do this and / or don’t want to, I beg you to remain single without getting bitter about how God designed us.

Listening to men also means validating their opinions, suggestions and stories!

There are effectively feminine ways of compromising or negotiating that don’t break a man’s spirit.

Which brings me to…

12. Stay Classy

Consider your words when in conversation. Try not to offend.

If you know your man dislikes cuss words, keep those on reserve for the rare point of emphasis — or ditch the swears altogether. (Lord knows I’ve reigned in my potty mouth! #truckdriversdaughter)

If you don’t want to modify yourself to be more feminine, then don’t.

You must honour yourself first and foremost.

But stay classy about it.

Don’t get bitter and resentful if what you’re offering doesn’t have a broad dating market.

Hint: I tell men the same thing!

If you stay classy — see AJ list, up next! — then you’ll have a chance to win the heart of the man who wants to sign up for what you’ve got.

By the way, you’ll notice that much of my list is fairly gender neutral and all of the qualities can be attained by any woman, because beauty is amplified by the golden rule…

Do unto others as you’d have others do unto you.

When going through this list, try to imagine how you’d treat your best girl friend, assuming she’s an emotionally healthy and supportive BFF!, and how you’d want to be treated!

Anna’s Additions on How to Be More Beautiful

Be:

  1. Kind, gracious, courteous
  2. Tender, gentle
  3. Compassionate
  4. Humble, down to earth
  5. Charming
  6. Nurturing and sensitive
  7. Supportive and encouraging
  8. Respectful
  9. Loyal
  10. Playful
  11. Happy, content
  12. Open and curious
  13. Giving, generous
  14. Receptive
  15. Honest
  16. Vulnerable and submissive
  17. Body confident
  18. Virtuous

Let’s Go Through These!

13. Be Kind, Gracious, Courteous

There is always room for kindness and grace.

Yes, even when we’re stipulating our standards and enforcing our boundaries.

Yes, even when someone has treated us with disrespect.

It amazes me how rude some women can be, especially to men. We must stop that, ladies.

Not all men are arrogant, lecherous pigs. Yes, some are, but don’t assume every man you meet is like that.

We can communicate standards, set boundaries and, if necessary, follow through on consequences if someone has treated us poorly — and we can do all of this with grace.

Kindness, grace and courtesy also extend to how we treat others, especially those who are strangers or in the service industry or who we don’t see as adding any required value to our lives.

14. Be Tender and Gentle

Just like we have sensitive emotional areas, men do, too.

My Little Mom used to say, “You attract more bees with honey than with vinegar.”

How true that is!

When we are emotionally triggered — whether we are a man or a woman — we all revert to feeling like a child inside.

How would you treat a child who’s behaved in a way that you didn’t like? How would you have wanted to be treated as that child?

If you have children, how would you want to be able to treat them when they are hurting?

If you’re an emotionally healthy mother, you probably want to treat them with gentle tenderness, right?

Well, if you are with a man you call your own, be tender and gentle with him, too. #BFF 😉

And if you’re not with a man of your own, practice on all men!

That’s one way we can practice how to be more beautiful.

15. Be Compassionate

Along the same lines as be tender, think of how most women don’t divulge all their challenges to everyone they meet, so remember that everyone else is going through a struggle you know nothing about.

Are you understanding of people’s weaknesses and flaws or judgmental and critical?

Are you perfect in every way? No, of course not.

Men these days are doubly troubled trying to fit into a world where they’re told that they’re no longer needed.

Yet they’re also told they must be strong and stoic.

No wonder they keep their troubles to themselves!

Whether or not he is able to be vulnerable and tell you what’s bothering him in the relationship or in life, be compassionate.

Try to see things from his perspective.

You’d want the same, no?

Compassion toward him doesn’t mean what’s important to you doesn’t matter.

Instead, compassion allows for a more constructive conversation that has the possibility of mutually satisfactory solutions.

And, again, practice compassion with all men. They suffer, too.

16. Be Humble, down-to-earth

Are you concerned about appearances or content with who you are?

Beauty shines more radiantly when we aren’t arrogant about our positive traits and advantages in life.

This doesn’t mean that we aren’t confident in who we are, but when we’re humble and down to earth we don’t look down on others or try to make ourselves appear better than them.

As well, some ladies like the finer things in life like luxury brands or fancy restaurants, but can you adjust when those offerings aren’t available?

Are you high maintenance? Or worse: feel entitled and proud of it?

Or are you easy-going and down to earth?

As much as some men can afford the finer things in life, most men — all the good ones, IMHO 😉 — prefer a lady who is ok with modest conveniences and letting others shine, too.

This leads us right into…

17. Be Charming

To charm is to flirt without sexual tension or intention.

Can you carry a conversation and make the person or group you’re chatting with feel seen and heard?

Or do you hog the conversation never allowing others their turn to shine?

Sometimes, charm does mean carrying the bulk of the conversation if we’re speaking with someone who lacks social skills or who is shy.

In which case, can we share a story that makes them feel included or draws them out of their timidness?

Laughter and humour is a great way of using charm to disarm others and make them feel more relaxed.

But the ultimate way of charming isn’t to be interesting but to be interested in them.

Men love a woman who can handle herself well in a social situation without having to babysit her.

Esther Perel, clinical psychologist and world renown expert on infidelity, says that her research suggests we are most drawn to our partner when we see them from a slight distance radiating to others.

Being a charming conversationalist is an effective way on how to be more beautiful to our partner by him seeing us through the eyes of others.

And when that social situation isn’t her cup of breve latte, because it’s an “about him” function, we get bonus beauty points for being a charming conversationalist!

18. Be Nurturing and Sensitive

When I suggest being sensitive, I don’t mean acting highly reactive.

I mean the opposite, in fact.

Be sensitive in trying to understand men’s reality.

Again, how would you feel if you had an ill child? (And how you’d want to be treated if you were that child.)

If we want to be more femininely attractive to men, especially to our mate, that’s how we should treat our men, particularly when their chips are down.

Remember that mothering and nurturing are two different things!

Both men and women get turned off by us mothering them, but both men and women feel greater intimacy when we ladies allow ourselves to nurture our men.

Do you make it emotionally safe for him to share his desires and fears with you or do you make it unsafe for him to let his guard down?

Helping our men feel safe being vulnerable with us is another tip on how to be more beautiful.

19. Be Supportive and Encouraging

Women often cheer for each other when our female friends are up; and when they’re down we try to remind them of the good things about them or in their life.

Why does it seem so much more difficult to do this for the men in our lives?

If he’s up and winning in the world, we should be his biggest cheerleader.

And if he’s down and losing in the world, we should be his biggest cheerleader.

If you are in a relationship, do you cheer him on or find flaws in his ideas and dreams?

Do you demean or him or point out his strengths?

How would you treat your best girl friend?

How would you want to be treated?

It is extremely ego destroying for a man to not be doing well in the world.

Men hate disappointing themselves and looking like failures to their peers or superiors, but it devastates their sense of self to think they’ve failed as a man in the eyes of their woman.

A man will be far more motivated — inspired! — to pick himself up and try again or earnestly want to win the respect of the woman by his side if she is supportive and encouraging.

Never kick a man when he’s down — instead, get out those pompoms!

20. Be Respectful

The opposite of supportive and encouraging is blatant disrespect.

Ladies, our words cut deep.

Too many of us allow our emotions to rile us up into acting and speaking to men without any hint of respect.

Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully, but if we want to have a healthy happy relationship, we must curtail the bad habit of emotional reactivity.

Yes, it’s how we’re built either by nature or nurture, but men are built to look at women’s boobs and we tell them that’s not ok.

Some men have trained themselves to be less obvious and more respectful to those of us women who are sensitive about that natural instinct.

Should we not also make an effort to control our natural instinct to react emotionally, especially if disrespectfully?

If you want to be more feminine, beautiful, and happy, then yes, we should.

How different would our reaction be if we were speaking to another woman we deeply cared for?

We all know it would be very different and that means we can control ourselves.

But, Anna, another woman would “know better than to…”

Men are not hairy women. ~ Alison Armstrong

Men are men. Ladies, we are different. Be respectful.

21. Be Loyal

Loyalty isn’t only about not sharing your body with in an adulterous way, though that’s certainly part of loyalty.

Another definition of loyalty has to do with dedication and commitment of the heart, mind and mouth.

Here’s what I mean…

When our loyalty is of body, mind and spirit, we don’t trash talk our man behind his back.

We don’t run to all of our girlfriends and tell them every little thing he’s done wrong or where we think he falls short.

That’s not to say that we can’t have a trusted friend who can help guide us through rough patches — but if we are loyal to our man, we’ll do so only with someone who can view both sides objectively and who’ll remind us to check in where we’ve slipped up (in the situation or in general).

In other words, we only share — and even as such, sparingly — with one woman (yep, no men get to be in on this convo), who is also loyal to our relationship with our partner. They want our relationship to succeed.

This is a tough one for many women!

We think we need to vent. In reality, we don’t and we shouldn’t.

And, because we don’t want to make our friends jealous, we tend to not share nearly as much of the good stuff about our partner.

But I do believe we sometimes need an objective opinion to help us out of the fog and into win-win solutions.

To know if what you’re saying to your BFF is breaking loyalty lines with your partner, ask yourself:

If my partner’s best guy friend — assuming he’s a decent friend and genuinely cares for your partner — knew the details of the conversation you just had with your best gal pal about your partner, would he (partner’s BMF) be able to legitimately say to your man that it was the right thing to do?

Y’all know in your heart if you’re being honest about your answer.

22. Be Playful

Are you easy-going and curious about how he sees things? Or set in your ways?

Are you fun to be with? Funny? Or a Debbie Downer?

If you can make a man laugh, you’ve got a rare gift, but you don’t need to be a jokester to be playful.

Being playful can look like having a pet name for him or flirting with him or even being able to make silly faces that only the two of you share.

Every man is different, so not all men will be impressed with a woman with a goofy demeanour. Some men may prefer sly wit or even good-hearted sarcasm. And some won’t care if you’re funny at all.

But every man enjoys when a woman laughs at his jokes or at appropriate times when he’s telling a story!

Giving a man our laughter when he hopes he’s been funny is a gracious gift — even if it’s the umpteenth tim he’s told it. (Especially if it’s the umpteenth time!)

Don’t think your man is that funny? Try to laugh, anyway, it doesn’t hurt your face and adds immeasurable joy to his heart.

How to be more beautiful includes laughing at some bad jokes. 😉

If it’s a hurtful joke at your expense, well, that’s a whole other matter, but I’m talking about innocent humour.

Besides, laughter releases feel-good endorphins, and we can all use more of those.

23. Be Happy, Content

A smile is contagious, they say.

Whoever “they” are is right!

Is life a bowl of cherries, or are you cracking your teeth on the pits?

Are you chronically dissatisfied or generally content no matter what’s going awry?

While life doesn’t always go the way we want or expect, our outlook is far more telling about what it might be like to spend a life with us.

If we’re always focused on the negative and never happy, our man will likely never be able to make a dent in our joy meter and he’ll be constantly disappointed for disappointing us.

But when we’re thankful for the simple (but most important) things in life like friends, family, health, and a welcoming home in whatever state they are, life with us provides peace and ease.

And being with a woman who can roll with the punches of life and still smile — or even laugh — gives our men the strength to want to lead us through those tough times.

Don’t be a Debbie Downer.

24. Be Open and Curious

Is it your way or the highway or are you curious about his ways?

Part of what we appreciate about children is their unending sense of openness and curiosity.

I believe a part of us longs to be more childlike, as in youthful not immature.

So, instead of automatically saying, “No” to his new idea, be curious, ask questions that get him excited to talk about his passions, not questions meant to interrogate and discover ineptness.

“Tell me more…” is a phrase that both men and women would do well to use more frequently in relationships with each other, especially on things that really matter to their partner.

And you never know what kind of new stimulus you might discover you enjoy.

When we’re open and curious, our relationships can continue to feel fresh and exciting.

Discovering new adventures together is a great way of deepening our connection with our partner.

How to be more beautiful? Be open and curious with positive intent.

25. Giving, generous

Generosity doesn’t mean financial spoiling.

Giving is much more than that when we’re giving with beauty in mind.

When a woman gives her time, positive attention, loving affection, and tenderness, that’s beautiful to a man.

But to give only to get isn’t beautiful at all. It’s kinda ugly, actually.

If you’re giving only to get, you’re missing out on the true beauty we feel as women when we’re generous from the heart.

Takers aren’t beautiful.

A note about giving when having been given to…

Men love to provide for us in many ways. They’re natural givers. And what they want for what they give may surprise you.

Generally, men simply want genuine appreciation and respect, and yes, they often feel especially rewarded if that appreciation is accompanied with physical affection in the form of sexual intimacy.

Men bond with the woman they deeply care for through sexual closeness.

Read that again.

But what they don’t want is for us to try to one up them by buying a bigger / pricier / more impressive or elaborate gift, favour etc!

This is not a competition, which brings us to…

26. Be Receptive

While being receptive may seem a lot like being open, what I mean by being receptive is to be willing to receive.

This may seem contradictory, or perhaps complentary, to the last point, so let me explain…

Gracious receiving is tough for a lot of us independent ladies!

We’re so used to being able to do things for ourselves, we’ve forgotten how to allow a man to provide for us.

I don’t mean financially!

I mean being receptive and thankful when a man opens a door for us.

Or offers to carry our groceries or change the lightbulb or lift that heavy thing or whatever!

Do you let him help you or are you staunchly independent?

But Anna, that’s so antiquated!

Actually, it’s so chivalrous.

There’s a distinction between chauvinism and chivalry, the former being disrespectful the latter being respectfully gentleman-like.

But Anna, then I’ll feel like I owe him something!

You’ll owe him a gracious and sincere thank-you, that’s all he needs — unless he’s got a hidden agenda playing the nice guy card to get something, which is a whole other thing.

Nonetheless, he still deserves a thank-you. That’s all.

27. Honest

Believe it or not, men want us to be honest with them!

They also prefer that our communications be direct and clear. (With fewer words would be the cherry on top!)

What they do not want is criticism, condemnation, ridicule, being berated, nagging, emasculation, stonewalling or your defensiveness.

C’mon, ladies, you know you’re guilty of at least one of these Nasty Nelly traits — we’ve all been there at least a time or two (or too many).

Communication is a feminine quality, but it’s not just about saying the right words.

Men don’t speak hint, but they don’t listen either when we speak without regard to their feelings.

Yep, men have feelings. In fact, I believe they love us a lot more deeply and less conditionally than we love them.

Read that again.

So, yes, speak up and be honest, but do so with kindness, respect, tenderness and compassion.

The best way to do this is to ask for what you need from him specifically and tell him what his accommodating your need will provide for you.

Example 1 (Partner):

Instead of, “We need to talk” which only makes him wonder what he’s done wrong ‘this time,’ try, “I need to speak with you about taking out the garbage, would tonight after dinner around 7pm work for you?”

But, Anna, you make it sound like I’m making an appointment with a colleague!

Yep. Until we’re really good at treating our partners with as much respect as we’d treat our boss we really like, such measures are recommended.

Example 1 (Dating):

Instead of, “Don’t call me hot, it’s demeaning and I hate it” try, “You know, I prefer if you called me beautiful. Hot makes me feel like a sexual object, while beautiful makes me feel like a woman who wants to offer my sexuality…. except when we’re getting busy, then I prefer if you call me sexy. Would you do that for me?”

These are the rare cases that men prefer we use more words!

Be open to be flexible. You’ll feel better and he’ll react better. Win win.

28. Vulnerable and submissive

Before you get your panties in a knot about the “S” word, let’s explore…

In order to be able to have those deeply intimidating conversations in a respectful, and more likely to be effective, conversations we need to dig deep and accept the uncomfortableness of vulnerability.

This is the one that holds us back from all of the traits up to this point.

As women, we’re afraid that if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable that men will take advantage of us.

But by and large, most real good men still want to protect us from harm.

Of course, there are the few emotionally wounded guys who have lost their way and we certainly must be cautious. (If you’re in a relationship with an abusive man, please seek appropriate help.)

But I’m talking about when we’ve established our safety with a man yet we keep our guard up.

Men need us to trust them, to allow them to lead, and to allow our hearts to open to them.

But, Anna, I’ve been burned before! How do I know I can trust him?

Time.

Vulnerability doesn’t need to be handed over on a first date. Heck, no!

Allowing him to lead in the important things doesn’t need to happen in the first month. Definitely not!

Trust is given a little at a time to a man who is worthy. Only time can reveal who deserves our deepest vulnerability.

If, over time, he shows us that he will protect us and our relationship by making the relationship a priority, and genuinely consider our needs and desires, especially when they may conflict with his own, then we should feel safer yielding to his lead.

If he’s a good man, but has maybe slacked off in areas you’d like him to pay attention to, be the ripple in your own relationship pond by trying out the suggestions in this list without expectation or resentment.

Because when we get there, ladies, there is nothing better than having a man at your side who you can lean into and trust to feel emotionally safe with.

29. Body confident

Confidence and feeling sure of our feminine self is not only beautiful but it’s ultra sexy!

Combine that self-assurance with body confidence and you’ll have the key to how to be more beautiful to your man.

There are few things that are more of a turnoff to a man in the bedroom (or wherever) than when he’s got to constantly reassure his woman that she’s beautiful to him naked.

Yes, I know, this one can be challenging. With all the photoshopped social media and magazines out there, how could one not be affected, right?

Well, hint: stop looking at that stuff if it makes you feel bad about your body when you get naked with your man!

Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Do you know your own worth without needing external sexual validation? — Cough: filtered trout pout IG pics! — Or do you need all those likes on your photoshopped images?

What happens when you actually get naked with your guy? Do you cower and cover up or turn off the lights? Or have to enlist liquid courage — #booze — to lower your inhibitions?

Being insecure about our bodies isn’t beautiful and it isn’t fun for men, either.

So, love the bod God gave you — but refer back to #1: be healthy — and get naked with uninhibited pride.

Which brings us to…

30. Be Virtuous

Virtuous means being honest, honourable, ethical and if we want to feel comfortable getting uncomfortably vulnerable, virtuous means chaste.

Woah! Wait a minute, Anna, you just said be uninhibited and sensual!

Yes, but that’s for when you’ve vetted the prospect and made your selection based on the quality of his character.

The guys are all like, We were with you until you #29 Anna, now we’re bailing!

Bear (not bare) with me, fellas. (And, hey, thanks for reading, and sharing, this!)

Being selective about who we become intimate with is ultimately feminine.

Remember, men are the ones producing millions of swimmers every day, and women produce one egg a month.

Of course, it’s because of that fact that the men won’t want you to put a chastity belt on.

But if they’re ready for a committed relationship and potentially a family one day, I’m sure most men agree that they appreciate the woman who hasn’t been indulgently “sexually liberated.”

When a woman is selective and a man has had to earn and / or wait for it, he’ll also know that when he gets it from this particular lady it’s because he has higher value than the guys that came before him (but didn’t actually get to come before him, if you know what I mean).

I’m not saying wait until you’re married. Do whatever you like. Feminism gave you that.

But in my opinion, and that of many men, promiscuous women lower their own value when they’re not selective about sexual partners.

So, have higher standards based on a man’s character (not just on shallow traits like looks, money, status) and don’t spread ‘em for any Tom or Harry’s dick.

How to be more beautiful?

Be feminine. And develop all of the above traits to Treat Men Great Again!

Of all the men I’ve spoken with who want a long term relationship, the common thing they long for is to find a woman who can be their lover and best friend.

Masculine and feminine energy are present to varying degrees in everyone, male, female or other! These energies have a polarity effect; like a magnet, they attract each other.

Embody the qualities in this list and you’ll have the man of your dreams by your side in no time — even if it’s the one who’s there now. 😉

So, if you want to attract and keep a good, safe, worthy masculine man then you’ll need to tap into your feminine energy.

Remember, masculine energy is grounded in the head, while feminine energy is grounded in the body, which brings us to…

How to Feel More Femininely Beautiful

  1. Move! No, not to a new city; move your body: try dance, yoga, pottery…
  2. Style! Wear what makes you feel goddess-y; clothes, makeup, perfume, lingerie. 😉
  3. Connect! Go for brunch with your besties.
  4. Slow down! The pace of your walk, speech, life!
  5. Self-care! Get a massage, take a bubble bath, read a novel.
  6. Create! Art, a DIY project, a delicious meal for your man!
  7. Redecorate! On a budget? Move stuff around, feng shui it!
  8. Express Yourself! With your style, in a blog or journal, through photography or art.
  9. Smile! Genuinely, often and at everyone!
  10. Trust Yourself! Knowing you can save yourself allows us to be femininely vulnerable.

Where to Meet Good Men (& Likeminded Women)!

Want to meet strong, safe masculine men and likeminded women who embrace the art of femininity?

Consider attending the 22 Studios Convention for Women (Make Women Great Again™!) held in Florida this October 2020, assuming we’ll be able to travel by then.

If there are any fellas reading this, please click here for 21 Studios Convention details.

If y’all purchase through my affiliate links, it helps get me there, too. (God willing!)

Thank you so much and hope to see you there!

xo Anna

How to be more beautiful? Boss babe, lovely lady, glorious goddess … you got this.


About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Dating, Love and Relationship Coach Founder: Wingmam, Vancouver, Canada Warning: Not PC, not a feminist ❤️


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