Find The Right Guy on a Dating Site – Really?
“What’s your selection process?” Jane asks me the other day. “Your journey to help women find the the right guy on a dating site?”
Jane is a matchmaker.
She tells me, “The biggest complaint in the real world of dating is about the journey to finding that right person.”
I wrote the book on how to be successful in online dating. (Links at end of post.)
Here’s what I shared with Jane…
How to Find the Right Guy on a Dating Site
First, know your “Top Five”—the five deal-makers (/breakers), must-haves (/must-not-haves) in a mate.
Part of how to find the right guy on a dating is the mindset of: if any one of these qualities is missing you’d rather choose to be single foreverrr rather than settle.
Side story:
Once upon a time not that long ago, while working through my Top Five process with a client, I suddenly figured out why my marriage to Good Man, who seemed to meet my Top Five, hadn’t worked out. (We amicably divorced 10 years ago.)
I realized that my Top Five had changed!
So, I called a friend right after the session: “My number four isn’t ‘he adores me’! I got over that need years ago.
I need intellectual stimulation! He adored me but didn’t stimulate me! Dealbreaker.”
Breakthrough!
And a big relief because I’d thought there was something wrong with me—aside from all my (self-) acceptable (adorable?) “flaws.”
So I took myself through my own Top Five process (in my soon-to-be-released WakeUP2Luv self-study at-home-in-your-pjs program) and figured out my true Top Five.
Filtering is easy if you —
- know what you really want;
- put what you want in your dating site profiles (men who read can filter you out!);
- know what you don’t want;
- put what you don’t want in you dating site profile/s playfully (people are sensitive to negatives);
- limit the list to five things (lest you scare away a potential right catch)!
Additional Tips for Finding the Right Guy on a Dating Site
- Only engage with a potential “prospect” that meets your Top Five no matter how sexy his photo is, which means read profiles before making contact or replying.
- Don’t discount a potential mate that meets your Top Five even if he’s not Gerard Butler’s stunt double.
- Dedicate a certain amount of time to “window shopping” and to dating—the same amount of time you’d have, or make available, for a potentially permanent Plus One.
- This means that if there are more options—men interested in dating you—than you have time for, then go to your secondary list to narrow it down.
- Don’t be afraid to be the one to initiate contact first!
- Finally, experience has shown that the idea of “building a relationship” before meeting is a huge risk.
There is too much at stake: built-up expectations, hopes, dreams, blah blah blah yada yada.
Simply a bad idea. (Unless, it’s an “arranged marriage.” But that’s a whole other blog.)
AJ Prevention RX: Talk on the phone ASAP and, if that goes well, then meet pronto.
Take These Tips into the Real World
How to find the right guy on a dating site isn’t much different than in the real world with one big exception…
In the real world you know right away if there’s zero physical attraction.
- You really do have to be able to imagine kissing the other person without a vomitous reaction, which has less to do with looks than connection and chemistry.
- Find out within the first meet-‘n-greet if he meets your Top Five bring it up y’all—crazy tactic!
- But bring it up in a way that is fun, light-hearted and flirty … in other words: don’t scare the fish off the line before you know if he’s a keeper.
Hint: He’s evaluating you, too, but if he’s still there after a few moments, he’s attracted.
The key is keeping the fun in it all!
Most people go to work and put in their 8 hours a day.
Sometimes they like the job; sometimes they don’t. But if they don’t work, they don’t eat.
If you don’t date, there’s a good chance you will stay single and eat alone. So date more but filter better.
The Takeaways:
- Figure out your Top Five deal-makers/breakers.
- Filter! Filter filter filter!
- Dedicate time to “dumpster diving”—there must be a diamond in there somewhere.
- Meet ‘n greet a-sap!
- Our mate-finding mantra: dating is fun, damn it!
Xo
Anna
P.S. My WakeUP2Luv program will help you narrow down your real top 5 (hint: they’re different than you think)!
P.P.S. If you want to be a Sexy(r) Goddess attracting your stud my ebooks are here. They’re short, funny and, best of all, free!
Thanks for the advise
You are most welcome! Thanks for taking the time to comment 🙂