Women fall for unavailable men all. the. time. So why are women attracted to jerks?
And why do men often go for “bitches?”
Why are we attracted to the wrong partner and why do we attract the wrong partners?
This is a complex issue but I’ll sum up in as short a post as possible.
The main reasons we’re attracted to jerks, er, I mean the wrong (for us) partners, are:
We haven’t dealt with our baggage even if we’re aware of said crappola.
As cliche as it is, our poop-storm of emotional baggage likely started with our parents (or primary caretakers).
We go for the “good” and “bad” traits in a romantic partner that unconsciously remind us of one or both of our parents.
If our parents were critical we go for a perfectionist who us “helps us be/do better” (read: makes us feel inferior and not good enough).
And if we were emotionally or literally abandoned, we go for someone who will leave us or not be there for us or…
…treat us so horribly that we leave them—like constantly telling us we’re “needy” when really they’re “emotionally unavailable”.
It’s been said for eons that men like a chase.
They’re the hunters and they value what they must work for.
I’ve found this to be true. And guess what? Women like a challenge, too!
But there’s a difference between a healthy challenge (emotional or intellectual growth-stimulating partnership) and flat out I-can’t-have-you-so-I-SO-want-you.
We don’t know what the hell we want so we keep getting whatever comes along because they smell / look / taste good *twinkle*.
Awareness, acknowledgment and acceptance of our history, tendencies and fallibilities is the first step to changing our self-defeating pattern of going for Mr. Wrong-Run-Away-Fast!
Because if we always do what we’ve always done, we’ll always get what we’ve always gotten. Bam! (And, damn.)
I cover more of the “how to date better / be better / attract your right mate” in my online study-in-yo-PJs program WakeUp2Luv.
Dating, Love and Relationship Coach Founder: Wingmam, Vancouver, Canada Warning: Not PC, not a feminist ❤️