When to Give (in) and When to Knock It Off Already!
How do women know when to keep giving or give up?
Women are notorious givers. There’s a long list of biological (hormonal influences) and psychological (social influences) reasons for why women are such givers. When we give give give — to a partner, friend, boss, charity — and don’t get back what we think we’re due, we may start to ask ourselves when enough is enough.
In this post, we’ll focus on romantic partnerships.
To understand why women get to that enough-is-enough point, we must first understand …
The Differences Between Men and Women
Although men and women have physical, emotional and psychological differences, we all want to be understood, accepted and loved.
The biggest difference between men and women is how our brains are wired.
The way men’s and women’s brains are structured, organized and used are not the same in certain areas.
Like it or not, ladies, men are more logical thinkers, whereas we are more emotional thinkers. We can blame that partly on hormones and their fluctuations!
Some of our differences come from nature, as described above, but some come from nurture: social upbringing and influence.
Little boys are given “masculine” toys to play with and little girls are given “Barbie.” (This dynamic is starting to change, but even children of liberal, less sexist parents are influenced outside of home by teachers, media and other “traditional” parents.)
Whether from nature or nurture …
Men generally tend to focus on:
- Achieving goals
- Accomplishing “stuff”
- Fixing or solving
- Providing
- Getting results
- #Doing
Women tend to focus on: 
- Connecting with people
- Caring for others
- Developing relationships
- Communicating feelings
- #Giving
Men are not wired to give. (They are wired to provide for, but that’s not the same thing.)
Keep Giving or Give Up?
Giving feels good when the act of giving has no expectations of return other than seeing someone else feel good.
But if we’re constantly giving and being treated like shit, then giving doesn’t feel good. We can expect respect for our generosity. That’s basic self-love.
But what if we’re not being treated horribly? What if we’re simply not getting the appreciation we want?
The problem for women isn’t so much with giving, but with checking in with ourselves about our expectations about giving and with setting standards and boundaries when giving doesn’t feel good.
3 Things Women Need to Remember
- No one is a mind reader, least of all, a man.
- We train people how to treat us.
- It’s more challenging to change the dynamics of a relationship after expectations are established.
No one respects a doormat. And we don’t respect ourselves when we allow ourselves to be treated in a way that feels like getting walked on, taken advantage of, or taken for granted.
The longer we let the trespass go on, the more difficult it is to “re-train” our partner. They will resist.
But before we get pissy about our partner’s resistance to change, we would better serve our relationship by putting ourselves in their shoes. Resistance to unexpected or unwanted change is a normal reaction.
If we feel negative or bitter about something or someone, that’s our inner voice telling us that something’s got to give — and it shouldn’t be us giving more! (Refer to boundaries post.)
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Healthy Relationships
In a healthy relationship, we don’t keep track of the giving because we’re getting as much back from our partner, even if it’s in different ways.
Most of my readers are single, but a few are in relationships. Although I wrote this for coupled-up folks, it could be for any type of relationship.
If you’re single but have given too much in a relationship before, it may be time to re-evaluate how you contributed to the dynamic. This is an opportunity to figure out why you over-gave so that you can start your next relationship in a healthier way.
Know your standards and set your boundaries. 
Giving a man your playbook is a gift he’ll appreciate, if you give with femininity: gently, kindly, lovingly — but firmly.
Hope this has helped you figure out then answer to whether to keep giving or give up in your current or next relationship.
xo Anna
p.s. Yep, my WakeUP2Luv course goes over some of the stuff that went “wrong” in your history, but focuses on how to get it right in the future so you can find your Mr. Right. (Or help “fix” your current relationship.)
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