Start Going for Assertive Guys. Stop Getting Assholes. Wait, What?
Ohhhh, I know all about this topic! My last boyfriend was a bad boy. He even named his company with the common phrase “Bad boys finish first!” If you want to know why women like bad boys, let me share my wisdom—earned from a woeful tale—with you …
I’d read this Bad Boy’s best-selling book, The Manual, and fell in love with his easy-going and humorous “writer’s voice.” OK, I admit that I swooned over his devilish good looks, too, and put his handsome face
on my screensaver—be careful what you wish to manifest, ladies!
Three years later, I moved to L.A. and straight into a live-in relationship with him.
You’re curious about the deets of how I made that happen—well, you can find out all in the how-to-get-(almost)-any-guy-you-want in my WakeUP2Luv Course—but that part doesn’t matter for the purpose of this blog. This blog is about …
The Biology of Why Women Like Bad Boys
The quick and dirty of why we love bad boys is simply because bad boys tend to offer all the qualities our un-evolved primate brain—the amygdala—recognizes as “safe,” even though our logical brain—the neocortex—totally shakes its finger at us!
Bad Boys are—
— uber, super duper self-assured
— mysterious, independent wolves
— constantly assessing and assertive
— masters of seduction
Let’s take a quick and dirty look at these bad boy traits…
- When a guy is self-assured, our primate brain tells us that he can handle the shit-storm of life. We trust him to take down the mammoth and bring home the dinner.
- When he’s independent, we intuitively interpret that as his not needing anyone to figure shit out. He’s the leader. If it came down to just you and him, he’d know what to do if, for example, life took a MadMax turn.
- A man who automatically assesses (everything) is less at risk to make decisions that will lead to homelessness. And his assertiveness means he won’t put up with getting overcharged on the phone bill.
- And my personal favourite, men who know the art of seduction. Well, ladies that not only gets us wet and ready for sex, but that gets us wet and ready for sex—as in, our primate brain is still set to “must reproduce” even if our neocortex tells us we’re allergic to children.
Why Women Like Bad Boys Takeaway
We crave bad-boy traits because we’re biologically wired to be attracted to the positive qualities that bad boys display. But if we want a happy-happy joy-filled relationship, we’ve got to choose a mate with a balance of bad-boy but good-man traits.
Why Women Like Bad Boys Actionable
Read The Manual by Steve Santagati. There’s some stuff in there that’ll make you cringe, but it’s also half of what I used to get that bad boy … The other half was my own concoction, which you’ll find in WakeUP2Luv! (Just sayin’!)
And by the way, Steve maintains that a bad boy is a good man, but a player is simply a misogynistic asshole. I couldn’t agree more!
xo AJ
p.s. We’re still friends, and he’s still annoyingly gorgeous!
Jus a thought i had after your nice guy bash. In the 30plus yrs ive been talking to women…not once have they ever said theyve been screwed over by a nice guy. It always the last guy the “had his own opinions” …which translates to ” he really doesnt care if she stays or goes.
Reference the movie Hitch. In the beginning he lost the girl because he needed her and chased her and told her he loved her. The problem wss not him, it was the girl! She hadnt figured it out yet.
At the end of the movie he kept and won the girl because he chased her and told her he neeced her and loved her. This time it worked because the girl had clued in. Girls want a nice guy, but they just dont want a nice guy. As Nomad stated in Star Trek- The Changling about Uhura…this unit is a mass of conflicting impulses.
Well, Ron, looks like you and I may have to agree to disagree, because I will always recommend self-development (“bashing” as you call it) a man who doesn’t have the courage to be honest with himself or others aka “nice guys.”
To be clear (again), a “nice guy” isn’t the same as a “kind guy.” The former has a selfish, if subconscious, agenda, the latter doesn’t.
If you’re open to reading another man’s quoted words on the topic, check out “Homertoeclipper” remarks in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA-eO02Kepk&lc=z220ij2y4s3evpifxacdp433p0rm55c1bwu0klq41lhw03c010c.1506173700167736
So, do we disagree or did you misunderstand me? 😉
Anna
Did you miss this part: “…a bad boy is, essentially, a man with his own opinions, life and purpose…” or this part: “…Bad Boys love women. Players use women…” or this part: “…our value as women exponates … when you don’t need us, but rather choose to be with us…" or this part: "…Bad Boys aren’t assholes—refer back to Player for the asshole definition—but they (Bad Boys) do have their own opinions, life and purpose…" Um, basically this whole post lol… Might want to do a self-check-up from the neck up and ask yo-self which of these offends you — and why. Or is it as simple as your acceptance of society's common interpretation of "bad boy" ??
I will never be a “bad boy” it’s just not in my nature. But I am trying to eliminate my “nice guy” habits. I’m trying to be the middle ground: a kind but strong gentleman.