Facebook Friend/Follower sent in this question re: Sex Toys
“You asked about a writing topic. Ok lol …
During my dating time [when] we both clicked, [it] usually took 3 dates before sleeping together. Of those, sex had always started more on the innocent side, could be hot but no ‘hardware’ was used. Those were slowly implemented over time if the relationship lasted.
But [sometimes] (…including the first-date sex), the toy truck was unloaded and machinery was used to such a high degree I wasn’t even sure what my role was other than operator of said equipment.
Question is: When is the appropriate timing to bring out the selfie equipment in a relationship.”
Well, well, well … Now, we’re cooking with gas! (If you get that, you is old, too!)
First, what are sex toys? 
Essentially, sex toys are any non-organic addition to sexual intimacy—vibrators, dildos, whips, chains, “outfits,” butt plugs, and—for the purpose of this blog—porn, amongst others.
Second, I’m no master(bator) with sex toys—I prefer organic—but that doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion on such inorganic matters. And―I’ll admit―I’ve “played” with partners who have been into various sex toys and in the longer term relationships I’ve had. TMI? You’re welcome.
Third, there’s no hard-and-fast rule, but here are some things to consider when you’re considering mechanical or non-mechanical sex enhancement “themes” aka sex toys:
- Sex toys are used by both men and women, but not all men and women.
- Sex toys are considered by many to be an “advanced intimacy” level of sex play.
- Sex toys are highly individual and reveal a part of your partner’s vulnerable psyche.
Everyone is different in their sexual preferences. Some people need sex toys to get off, some prefer the added erotica of sex toys, and some simply shy away from sex toys. There’s no wrong answer!
But there might be a wrong answer for you. And that’s OK!
So, when should you introduce sex toys?
Like it or not, if and when we decide to unload the arsenal of sex hardware, it will have an impact on the psyche of our sex partner.
Before pulling out the arsenal of pleasure enhancers, keep in mind:
- Because sex toys are considered to be an intensely personal choice, if we introduce them into our sex life too soon, the partner we’re with may be turned on, or they may be turned off—like the gent who wrote in questioning his role in the sex play action.
- When introduced too soon, the partner may feel sexually intimidated, inadequate, or (rightly or wrongly—dual meaning) used.
- When introduced too soon, the partner may not feel “special.” If you pull out all the goodies on the first go, well, they think you do that with everyone. And you probably do.
In my humble opinion, unless you have a fetish—unable to get off without the use of X toy or theme—and you’re interested in a long-term, committed relationship, I recommend holding off on the gamut of gadgets until you’ve gotten far enough down the garden path with your partner that you can discuss dildos and such together before using them. This makes the enhanced fun mutually naughty and can up the sex ante without the negative side effects noted above.
If you don’t give a damn what the other person wants because you just want to get off, then go for it, but be honest. It’s both people’s responsibility to know what they want and to communicate that long before the clothes start flying.
Have you had an interesting experience with sex toys? Share your story in the comments!
xo AJ