After Kissing You or After Asking for Another Date

I received another inquiry via WingmamTV—my “how to get a boyfriend” YouTube channel—from a woman wondering why a man would ghost (aka vanish without a trace) after kissing her and asking for second date. What are the reasons why men disappear??

Yes, I totally agree—this behaviour from boy-men is frustrating AF!

But, let’s look at it from the guy’s perspective …

Why Men Ghost After Kissing You

There are several possible reasons why men ghost after kissing you, most of which you ain’t gonna like, but because you’re here for straight-up, straightforward answers, I ain’t gonna sugarcoat the answer.

1. You’re a lousy kisser. Ok, fine—the sugarcoated version is that your mouths just don’t jive together. Or maybe you ate a snitch too much garlic at dinner. But, girl, if you’ve got gingivitis caused by nasty plaque build-up, then skip the sip—as in one too many lattes—slow down on teeth-staining caffeine and invest in some dental hygiene a-sap. But he kissed you, anyway, and now he feels obligated to ask for Date #2.
2. He’s a play-ah. If a guy is a for-sex-only Player, he’ll tell you whatever he thinks will work to get you into bed today, including and not limited to promising second dates that he has no intention of following through on—unless you’re really good in bed, then you’ll get filed in his Booty Call book. How to get a boyfriend? Not so much.
3. The dude has “nice guy syndrome.” A guy who is too nice also won’t be honest—not because he only wants sex, but because he’s allergic to disappointing women anyone. So, he’ll say what he thinks you want to hear right now so that he doesn’t have to face disappointing you, even though you’ll be way more hurt (and confused) later. He just wasn’t feeling it with you. Sorry.
4. He’s got a job—yay!—and a full life—yay!—and will get back to you in a reasonable amount of time … if you don’t hound the F out of him thus turning him off with your desperate need for immediate attention. Girl, unless you want a puppy dog lapping at your feet—you don’t if you is healthy, yo—then you gotta give a man some breathing room.
5. He was caught up in the moment, or at least his dick was, and overly enthusiastic, but at some time later—whether 10 minutes or 10 hours—he realized that you’re not The One. Damn. Rather than face disappointing you, he simply compartmentalizes the experience and moves on to Allison, the girl who friend-zoned him but who he’s been pining for all along.

Bonus Reason: I’m sorry, the person you were just kissing and imagining forever-after with has been maimed in a vehicular accident and is suffering with amnesia or is chilling in the morg. #Itcouldhappen

What to Do if You’ve Been Ghosted

So, you thought for sure you were going to land a boyfriend, but he’s gone n’ disappeared without a trace. Before you call the authorities or local hospitals, ask yourself a few questions:

1. How long after the date are you worried about him being MIA? Too soon translates into Desperate Jess.
2. How many times did you text him after the date? Too much one-way communicado—you texting him—screams Needy Nelly.
3. Did you even ask him if he is looking for the same kind of relationship you are? i.e. long term? short term? hookup only? Never assume, girl!
4. Who did most of the talking on the date, you or him? He did—he’s nervous and/or trying to impress you. You did—he didn’t get a word in edgewise. Unless most of your words were flirty or naughty, he zoned out at some point. A balance between your voice and his is key.
5. How did you meet? (Is there a history of familiarity or friendship?) Meeting online makes it too easy to move on if there’s not mega spark, but if he ghosts a friend (you), he’ll get balled out about it from your mutual social crew. Word.
6. Seriously, when was the last time you got your chiclets professionally cleaned?
7. Did you interrogate him or have a conversation? Asking too many lawyer-esque questions ain’t fun for anyone, Hun.
8. How many times did you bring up your ex, whether you said he was a Brad Pitt look-alike or a Larry Loser? The right answer: um, none.
9. Were you a cocktease? Blue balls is never a good gift to give a guy.
10. Were you a little too cool for school? If you don’t show any interest, he’s gonna think you’re not interested. Reminder: men don’t speak hint.

Why Men Ghost and What to Do When a Guy Ghosts Summary

1. Get a life and forget about it! (Him)
2. If you did everything right, then he’s just wrong (for you).
3. If you did everything wrong, then girl, get yo shit right before you date.
4. Consider investing in yourself with my Get A Boyfriend Guaranteed program.
5. Girl, revisit #4! Hello, guaranteed!

Yes, yes, it is annoying when men act like boys, but it is what it is. We can’t change the way men are wired, so we might as well change our MO—modus operandi—the way we go about winning over men’s loyal hearts. There is a way, and so far—like Edison and the lightbulb—you’ve discovered some ways that don’t work.

Ready to try something that does?

GET A BOYFRIEND.

xo AJ

p.s. If you’re hesitating, read this awesome possum feature article written about me by DatingAdvice.com about the Wingmaming magic that can happen when you follow my advice!