Every guy on the planet wants to know the answer to this question: “Why do some women play mind games?” In fact, on one of my WingmamTV videos, How to Play Hard to Get (Should You Play Hard to Get?), Andre asks, “Why do females play hard to get with some people and not others?”
I agree with y’all, fellas — mind games suck. Playing hard to get sucks.
If all single women and men had every relationship answer, there wouldn’t be a bazillion videos on YouTube trying to answer the question of why women play mind games. Dating advice videos are plentiful!
Here’s the deal: we are all fucked up to some degree. And by fucked up, I mean that we all —men and women — have emotional baggage we’re carrying from some crappy time in our lives.
If she never received healthy love from a father figure, she won’t know what to look for in a healthy partner.
She unconsciously plays mind games — sometimes called shit-testing — to see how you’ll react.
I ain’t saying this is mature, healthy behaviour. I’m saying that these are potential reasons women play mind games.
If she’s too much of a fixer-upper, Dude. Trust me: if you don’t have the right tool to fix her, walk away.
Maybe the lady just got out of a relationship and is still licking her wounds. If this is the case — and she’s emotionally healthy — then she won’t be ready for you to lick her anything.
Even if she ended the relationship, she’ll need some time to process its ending and everything that happened in the relationship.
Women tend to think about relationships a lot more than guys do. That old saying, “The sooner you get under someone, the sooner you’ll get over someone” doesn’t work as well for women as it does for many men.
Men need sexual validation, and sex (with someone new) can supply that, but women need emotional safety (with anyone) so a quick turn between the sheets ain’t going to cut it.
She needs time and space, Dude. If she says she ain’t ready or that she needs space, give it to her. Don’t initiate communications! Drift away, and let her come to you.
Yep, remember how I mentioned that we’re all fucked up to a degree?
Well, some chicks play mind games because it’s actually worked for them in the past — as in, she got the guy because of said head games. She’s likely not consciously using a “dating strategy,” she just hones in on the guys that it works on.
And which guys are those?
The ones who are as messed up as she is.
Men who get together with drama queens tend to have self-esteem issues. Again, probably from not having healthy role models or from being burned in past relationships.
No self-respecting man would put up with BS mind games that totally degrade his worth as a man!
Guys get into relationships with messed up chicks because they (the dudes) are sad, desperate and / or lonely. Or, let’s be honest, they get involved because the chick is insanely hot and way out of their league, at least physically.
You can either play out your “relationship learning experience” the hard way (with her) or walk away and start working on yourself. (By the way, I give the you the step-by-step map on how to do this in my WakeUP2Luv — Get a Girlfriend program.)
First, remember to cut her some slack. Women need to do a bit of shit-testing to make sure you have a backbone. Show her that you have one.
But if a woman is constantly moving the goal posts, then you gotta step up and walk out.
If she tries to set a double standard by saying it’s ok for her to have romantic dinners with guys who are “just friends” but you’re not allowed to have a mean with a girl friend, you gotta let her know that standard ain’t okay with you.
If she gets pissy because you’re a few minutes late, but she’s always running half an hour behind, yup, you gotta step up!
Or if she cancels last minute more than once without having been in a serious car accident, it’s time to nip that bad habit of hers in the bud, buddy!
Speak up firmly but kindly. Even half jokingly, but not sarcastically. If you don’t know how to do it without a tint of bitterness, then just stick to the facts.
I like you, Chelsey, but [this behaviour] ain’t cool.
She may balk or tease or chide or try to turn it into a joke. Don’t let her! #backbone #standards
Sorry, Sweets. Not this time. I need this to change. Ok?
If she’s mature and respects you, she’ll understand and try to change her behaviour. If not, she may be incapable or unwilling, and you’ll have to decide if you’re going to be her bitch forever or if you deserve better, and you’ll find someone else.
Change is tough — even when we want to change and even if it’s good for us. It’s taken a long time to become who we are and do what we do.
Give the person a chance to change their behaviour. As long as she’s showing signs of sincerely trying and is making progress, there’s hope.
You can even ask her, “How can I help you make this change?” or “How can I support you?”
Here’s what I learned from selling real estate for 20 years — and being one of the top agents in my community: you must always be willing to walk away from the deal in case the deal sucks. The same applies to dating and relationships.
Any questions? Comment below!
p.s. Have you learned from some of my teachings? If yes, feel free to donate a latte (or a lot, hey)! #cheesycheeserson … or buy my course or share some of my posts or videos!! Or, fuck it, all of the above. Thank you!
Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam