Five Love Languages Book by Gary Chapman

Five Love Languages—Interpreted by Wingmam

Gary—Mr. Chapman, that is—writes in his best-selling book, The Five Love Languages, that we all express love primarily in five different ways and that the way we express love is how we tend to want to receive it.

In other words, if we don’t get loved the way we need to feel loved, well, we don’t feel loved—even if we are loved.

The Five Love Languages

  1. Physical affection. If you feel loved by hand-holding, cuddling, appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate *wink wink nudge nudge*) grazing, kissing and so forth, then physical touch is your love language. PDAs? Yes, please.
  2. Quality time. If you prefer focused attention from the person you’re with, quality time will rank high for you. No cell phone or texting distractions or hockey games, etc. Quality time doesn’t necessarily mean a lot of time, but it does mean that, for a period of time, we are the focus of our sweetheart’s undivided attention.
  3. Words of affirmation. If language—literally—is your thing, words of affirmation win your heart. Whether he/she says it, texts it or trails it on an airplane banner, it’s the words that elicit love excitement for you. “I love you.” “You’re amazing.” “When you do this … it makes me happy.” In your world, the more specific, the more points your lover wins with words.
  4. Acts of service. For you, this love language looks a lot like your partner doing the dishes. Or running an errand or changing a light bulb or facilitating an opportunity-based introduction or anything that helps via action.
  5. Gifts. If your love language is gifts, you know it’s not about the cost. This love language seems obvious, but for those who don’t share this love language, they might mistakenly assume that it’s about expensive gifts. Not so! It’s truly most about the thought that counts. You were thought about when you weren’t there.

There’s no right or wrong way to love someone or to be loved, but it sure as shit helps to know what someone else’s love language is so we can love them the way they need to be loved.

This stuff is so adulting, it’s almost kind of fun.

AJ TMI True Short Stories

The list above is in the order I need love in a romantic relationship. (It’s different for friendships!)

  • I went out with a guy who was all about acts of service, which is pretty low on my list of love needs. He wasn’t affectionate at all and even when I told him how it made me feel—unloved and longing—he wasn’t able to provide that for me. We broke up.
  • I went out with a guy who was all about words of affirmation, which is mid-range on my love list needs. He also wasn’t affectionate, but he tried to be more affectionate because he wanted me to feel loved. Ultimately, it wasn’t enough. We broke up.
  • I went out with a man who met my top two love languages, physical affection and quality time. I married him. (And he got a lot of quality time involving touch!)

Although my husband and I didn’t last forever—we grew apart—we were together over a decade because he knew how to love me the way I needed. (He’s happily remarried, and I’m happy for him.)

The Five Love Languages Takeaways

  1. When we understand the different love languages, we’re better able to recognize when someone is trying to love us in their own way. Then we can choose to accept their kind of love or ask for love in the way we need it.
  2. If we’re in the dating stage and we pay attention to the way people express themselves, we can figure out what their love language is—or better yet, make it a date discussion topic! #fun

xo AJ

There’s an easy-peasy quiz you can take to figure out which of the five love languages is yours here!

If you want to know more about the five love languages, head on over to WingmamTV and subscribe—you’ll be the first know of new videos I post.

And…

If you want to wake up to love instead of that cold pillow you’ve been cuddling, check out my WakeUP2Luv program here. It’s guaranteed to up your “dateability score” and give you the tools to attract love.

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)

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