Aka How To Get A Boyfriend, Ladies!
Men—Read, Care, Share. Ladies—Why Men Pull Away: “Please, Mama, No Drama!”
Men and women think differently, and that’s a good thing. And accepting this fact helps us understand why men pull away, go silent, ghost and disappear!
Warning: F-bombs ahead.
Here’s what I’ve learned from men about why men pull away or go silent on you in the early stages of dating…
Healthy guys don’t want a woman who nags.
Healthy guys do want a woman who nurtures.
Both the above statements have elements of mommy syndrome, but one translates into pain and the other into pleasure.
Here’s what men don’t tell me, but I’m a studier of men and figured this out all by myself…
Men pull away or go silent because they hate disappointing women. And they don’t know how to let a girl down without doing just that.
They act like little boys using avoidance behaviour and hope you’ll get the not-so-soft and subtle hint. They don’t know that it’s way worse for a chick to be ignored than to “man up” and be honest, even if that means disappointing her. But…
Men have also learned that manning up often results in drama—a chick gets angry, tries harder to get him, asks a bazillion questions about “what happened” etc.
Men run like children in a playground away from the source of drama. I don’t blame them!
Despite what you’ve been told, healthy men don’t go for bitches. They go for awesome-sauce-hell-yeah-hold-on-tight-to-this-one quality women.
Why Men Pull Away To Do List
1. Give them space, graciously.
A man is like an elastic band. If you don’t let him get far enough away, he can’t spring back to you. Men need to spring back.
2. Take a chill pill and go do shit!
Having a full life is sexy. If a guy likes you, he’ll know you’ll be out in the world where some other Prince Charming could tempt you. Men act on real or perceived competition. (Warning: Don’t try to create jealousy. That’s just bitch-ass bad behaviour.)
3. Welcome him back, graciously.
If you punish a man with the silent treatment for his good behaviour (returning), eventually you won’t get any behaviour—hello ghosting, goodbye love—as in he’ll ditch your bitchy attitude, and you.
Of course, sometimes the reality of why men pull away or go silent is simply that he’s:
- Not that into you. Yes, even if you’ve had sex. Seventeen times. So what? Next.
- He’s not ready to settle down or get serious, even if he didn’t disclose that upfront or wasn’t sure. So what? Next.
- He’s not certain you’re “the one” and he needs some time to see if he misses you. Hint: When you hound him, he can’t miss you. Stop that.
Or there’s the possibility that he’s been abducted by aliens and he likes being probed. There’s a conversation starter. 😉
Why Men Pull Away Or Go Silent Takeaway
When women stop investing so much of their emotions too early while dating, which is to say, before the man does, they won’t take it personally when Mr. Right-Now jets because a high-quality woman realizes she’s now available to meeting Mr. Right-For-Her. Hell, yeah!
xo AJ
P.S. If you want to ensure you’re never ignored, ghosted or rejected by a good man again, invest in my WakeUP2Luv Get a Good Man program today!
Great post.
Thanks for reading and appreciating❣️ xo AJ
I love the article its encouraging
I am a man.
I don't know what you are talking about. I've seen this behavior you describe in women, not in men. I actually tell women immediately when I don't see them romantically.
Your advice is poor because you basically are describing men in ways that we don't act or think. Your advice is missguided because it's based on suppositions of what you think men think which is just an irrational thought pattern.
What you should teach is about gaining self esteem. Breaking with past traumas, and irrational thoughts aquired by past experiences. This is what impacts the most. Not to mention being fit and healthy. Aside from that theres what makes some people tick and not others, for instance: I might hate soccer and another personove it and most of his/her free time revolves around it, which makes both a little bit less compatible.
You talk as if attraction is just an equation of timing one's interactions. Which makes no sense, no matter how much a woman I don't find attractive tries to impress me with her texting skills, she won't go past friendship. This is how it works. If someone doesn't show interest, stop trying and go for someone else.
Thank you for your comment! This happens to both men and women. My entire philosophy for men is based on improving and empowering their lives through purpose and balance. Here’s a whole playlist for men on why she pulls away and how to get her back (if she’s worth it): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQ8Q-8-X18dmD-owPvpw7bxSIwz5gZbmc 🙂
Hi Anna, I nipped it at the bud. He flirted heavily at an official event and I responded after a month. I know – it was late, but I wasn't searching for a man that evening. So, in a way I actually initiated as a woman – nothing wrong to let him know I'm intetested and suggested we meet casually – didn"t want to be too bold initially. He ignored me completely. After about a week I expressed why I contacted him in the first place – that I wanted to get to know him as a man and that he made me smile. I dropped it with him in the same email since he was distant and wrote that I can respect it. Wished him well and decided to move on. Within two days he responds that he's out of town on a holiday – says let's meet when you come back from your holidays! I give benefit of the doubt – why argue unnecessarily. So I ask him to let me know when based on his schedule as well, since I would again be available till after a month and wish him a nice time. Didn't expect an immediate answer and left it at that. He sends me an email reply with a one liner "have a nice time too" – ignored the main contents of my email! Total disregard. So eventually, called him out graciously "I will! Would be great if you could let me know well in advance so I can check my calender once more and block the evening – would appreciate place and time as well. I'm quite sure you know better" he ghosted me thereafter – I guess his revenge since I dropped him earlier in my email. Two months later checks my professional social media discretely so that I don't come to know. Great guy otherwise but I think he's jaded from his past. I've walked away. It was a Nano-relationship with very little hope for success, unless he decides to come back with some clarity and appreciation for real interest!
Sorry, no way to edit my post – I have some typing errors, I would also like to add that your advice is very helpful. I loved reading the blogs and also the you tube videos, Thank you 🙂
My apologies for the long delay! And thank you for continuing to watch my videos even though my newer videos are geared toward men, there is much women can learn from them. As for your situation… remember, men and women are differ. If he was on holiday, it’s a wonder he replied at all. Most men can only handle one bit of communication input at a time at the best of times. It was too soon to call him out and from what I can see unnecessary (he was on holiday). While it’s good to have and state your standards, the timing of how you presented it and how you laid it out appears demanding, and saying “I’m sure you know better” is a criticism of his character and sounds like a mommy disciplining a child (tough to get out of that mode after so many years as a single mom), no man appreciates that. Next time make it about you, not him. Example: “I will! Looking forward to making a plan when you get back and settled.” This shows interest and that you’ll need a plan. Then when he gets back and contacts you to make that plan you cross the where/when/what at that time. If the plan doesn’t fit your schedule you can say, “I want to see you again, I just need a bit more notice and details ahead of time.” This makes it about your needs not his unintentional faux-pas. He didn’t reply after that because he assumed nothing positive would come of it. (If he’d said what I just did, you’d like not have had a positive reaction, right? Be honest with yourself.) He’s checking out your social so he was interested. If you still are and can get past some pride, you could reach out to him with something like, “I apologize about assuming you’d know my needs. If you’d still like to get toghet I would, too.” This shows him you understand your own faux-pas and can acknowledge it. It’s tough to not only give yourself permission to relax into your feminine but also feel your way to it. It sounds like he was able to help you get there a bit. That’s good! I invite you to scroll to the end of my How To Be More Beautiful And Feminine post for how to get into your feminine and do some of those things before you go on a date. You got this!
Dear Anna, sorry I just happened to read your reply. I never received any email in November to know that you'd replied. In your response to your message above. Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. It's been many months since this episode in my life. Last year was very stressful for me since my father has been battling with cancer and going through treatment. To add to it my destiny to meet this man at a stage in my life when I was not really ready to be with someone. It was too much to deal with. Now when I look back, I have no regrets. I think he and I, we both assumed things were not ok and allowed it ti fizzle out. I had not written all the contents of my email to him in my post above. I was actually appreciative of his effort to even respond to me and I was truly honest and vulnerable with him – I wrote about my life in a nutshell of three sentences for him to understand me as a person. Infact, my email to him was rather intense. I do think now that he got spooked. Strangely enough, he been curious for the last 10 months. In fact, he contacted me once on whatapp with a fake profile with a message "hello". But natural, I deleted it. I know that he's not a bad person but he's been erratic with this approach. I'm more than willing to get to know him but I'm also willing to let him go. Everytime, there is some news about India, he checks my profile, but always as an external visitor. If I'm not wrong, he gets nostalgic. I've not hurt him in any way and he's 55 plus years old. He knows that I have kept myself away from men after my divorce. Either he's unhappily married and infatuated with me or set in his ways as a single man. Maybe he only wants casual relationships or maybe he's not sure about me being the love of his life. He's born on April 30, so a taurus guy. In any case, this is no more about pride for me. It's more about my self respect that I shall not contact him. I guess he also fears rejection which is the reason why he never reveals his identity when he visits my profile or even on whatsapp. He cannot see my whatsapp status since I've restricted my profile to strangers. I do think in hindsight that we both met each other at the wrong time or that it wasn't meant to be 😊. If it's meant to be then we'll meet again by chance or he'll take the risk since he's not able to forget me even though we barely know each other – there is something that pulls me towards him too, maybe it's feelings? Thank you 😊, Beever
Hi Anna, just to add – I'm a single mom and have a son who's now 17. So, it's been very hard for me to be too feminine and bringing up my son singlehandedly for the last twelve years has hardened me somewhat – can't help it. There are days I just need to be tough. I work full time to give us a good life and cover our costs although my career is on the back burner. I'm always there for my son to support his needs but ignored my own. I don't regret my choice to stay single till my son turns 18+. It's unfortunate that I had a bad experience with this alpha male from the event. I have been brought up by an alpha couple and I'm a strong woman as well. And I know how to follow a man's lead. I've slowed down quite a bit and enjoy feeling my feminine energy as well. But maybe my situation is not yet condusive to get involved with a masculine man. I guess he felt my masculine energy that evening since I was playful and confident and even shy from time to time. I was not so laid back and just being my real self. He helped me open my heart that evening through his flirting which was quite sexual. I never flirted back because of my strict upbringing – I am an indian woman and he's european. I'm just not used to flirting. So instead of flirting I land up in a limbo. I guess I need to flirt back next time 😉 All I know is that I liked him genuinely and have no hard feelings.
My Ex boyfriend is back with the help
My Ex boyfriend is back with the help
awesome article…thanks anna..
I’m sorry, but article is bad and misleading. I’m a man and I think you shouldn’t tell other women about that man thinks or feels, because as I see you don’t know too much.
I believe it’s one of the reasons why nowadays relationship is so difficult, because there is too much incorrect information around and too much influence from people talking about things they don’t understand those leading too misunderstanding between poles.
If you want to write an article about what man thinks – ask man what they think.
Have a nice day!
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