Let’s look at the signs she’s insecure before we go into how to deal with an insecure girlfriend.
Dude, any one of these signs she’s insecure is a major red flag. More than one and you should be running for the hills.
How many of those signs she’s insecure did you check off?
Instead of making this post way too long, ima provide the Cliff Notes (Coles Notes for y’all Canadians).
More than likely, she’s insecure because she had childhood issues with one or both of her parents and doesn’t trust her own judgement.
Aha Moment: She tests you because she doesn’t trust herself!
Either her dad was a jerk or she felt abandoned by him — either because he was always at work; divorced or left her mom; died; or did something terrible to her.
These kinds of common realities not only suck but they leave impressions on young minds that run deep.
Major aha hint: You’ve got shit you haven’t dealt with from your childhood, too, otherwise you would keep going for damaged girls.
So, if you’re a masochist (i.e. haven’t dealt with your own emotional baggage) and still want to try to make it work with her, then here’s what you need to do…
Bottom line: Be the father figure she didn’t get.
That, my friends, is the first time I’ve ever put it quite like that!
But here’s what I mean…
People are attracted to their emotional equal. We come together in relationships to heal our respective past traumas.
Read that again.
This is a much bigger topic than I can cover in a reasonable length blog post, but essentially, you’re going to try to give each other what you lacked in childhood.
Yes, this is deep doo doo stuff.
We won’t go into it here, but if you want to delve into it to get over it, then you need to complete WakeUP2Luv.
Like father a child, when a toddler is exhibiting bad behaviour, the best courses of action are to distract, deflect and defer.
Deflecting is to change direction elsewhere.
Ignore it and / or change the topic like what she said was thought not spoken.
But keep your interactions upbeat. Like. Nothing. Happened.
She asks, “Are you going out with your friends tonight?”
But you know it’s a loaded question either by her tone or recent dram over the topic.
You reply, “Nope. Wanna catch a flick tonight? Like at the movie theatre, __ is playing ;)”
This can work if it’s a minor insecurity and she’s not already antagonistically irate.
Distracting is to draw attention elsewhere.
Give her the chance to save face incase she reacted and regrets it.
Tease, be playful, exaggerate your loving loyalty, and generally reassure her without stoking the fire.
Do this once, not 100 times a day.
She texts, “Are you talking to your ex again?”
Your reply, “No. Have you been talking to her?? ;)”
Deferring is to put off for another time.
You give her the chance to prove she’s overcome the bad behaviour at a later time.
Setting boundaries is something every dad should do for his child. It shows her that he cares about her overall well-being.
You should set boundaries for her, for yourself and for the health of all of your relationships.
Setting boundaries shows strength and guidance. All women need this but especially insecure women.
She says, “I saw you trying to flirt with the waitress, wtf?!”
You calmly but firmly say, “No. No that did not happen. Nice try, though. You’re the girl for me but if I can’t take you for a nice dinner without you making up Hollywood stories, I’ll have to go solo. ;)”
Will she freak out?
Do toddlers throw tantrums?
Of course they do.
But folding like a paper napkin only shows them what they can get away with.
Eventually, daddy’s girl comes back with her cute little eyelashes all stuck together pretending like nothing happened, but acting cute and contrite.
Wait for her to come back.
Actually, don’t wait, go about your life normally without waiting around.
If she doesn’t come back, do. not. chase. Do not reward her bad behaviour!
We teach people how to treat us.
Now, if these three who’s-your-daddy strategies don’t work then you gotta move on to ditch and self-develop.
If nothing improves, then you need to break up with her and start working on yourself so you don’t go for another damsel in distress. #WakeUP2LuvDude
Work on yourself so that you can get past being attracted to insecure girls.
At the very least, filter better until you’re in a place where you’d rather be single than sorry.
Remember: You complete you. She can’t make you happy and you can’t make her happy.
Know that if she stays with you and works through her shit to become the kind of girl you dream of — it happens — she will feel like a different person.
The risk of this is that her higher self esteem may inspire her to swing to a higher branch.
What I mean is that she may start to look at you like she no longer needs you and if she can’t find enough reasons to want you, she’ll look for someone else.
This won’t be a conscious choice on her part, but she may be open to meeting other guys and some of those other guys might appeal to her.
I’m sorry to say that women are not like dogs (loyal); we are like cats (selfish).
Again, take it up with God. I didn’t create women, I’m just here to decode us for you.
You’ll have to woo her for life if you want to win her for life.
And if she’s insecure, part of her stays because she needs you. If you help her feel secure, you’d better have enough value for her to stay because she wants you.
Hashtag hard truths.
Hashtag, yep, you guessed it: Get the WakeUP2Luv program!
p.s. There’s a cute Scottish guy outside cutting my sister’s grass. I flirted with him. #practice
Disclaimer: Anna is not a licenced therapist or psychologist. You are responsible for your actions. Obey the law. Don’t harm yourself or others.
Vancouver Dating Coach for Shy Guys & Introverted Men. Matchmaker Liaison. Founder: Wingmam