Change Your Mind. Change Your Life.
In my last post, “Why We Self-Sabotage From Finding Love,” we explored the why’s. Now let’s look at the how-to’s, specifically: How to find love by changing crappy beliefs.
If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.
—Henry Ford
Quick review on beliefs:
- Beliefs are thoughts.
- Thoughts create feelings.
- To change our feelings, we need to change our thoughts.
AJ TMI #JustTheTip True Story
A few days ago, I was at a pizza joint chowing down on a delish piece of pizza pie (mmm, NY-style pizza), and there’s this guy two tables over from me. We both face the same direction, and there’s no one at the table in between us.
He looks over a few times—don’t underestimate peripheral vision—and I’m deciding if I feel like chatting. I’d spent the day volunteering at a speaking summit, so I was kinda tired and not feeling social, but I thought of you, my readers! (I’m not kidding.)
Finally, I glanced his way and smiled, and he took the opportunity to make a comment.
You want to know what he said that got my attention?
I can’t remember! Maybe he asked what kind of pizza I was eating. Maybe he said something else. The point is—it wasn’t memorable, and it didn’t matter.
We chatted for a bit back and forth, and then he moved to the closer table. We chatted for a bit longer.
I (purposefully) left before he could ask me out because I wasn’t romantically interested, and I don’t have enough time for the (sorely neglected) friends I already have.
By the way, I was eating a piece of spicy Capicola. Mmm…pizza…
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
—Wayne Gretzky.
How to Find Love by Changing Crappy Beliefs
- Go through the actions that you take—or don’t take—in your love life, and make a list of all the beliefs you think you have that suck. For example: If your best friend actually said the crap that you think about yourself to you in front of someone who loves you, that friend would get a punch to the throat—or, at least, a verbal whipping—from that loved one.
- Figure out the real belief behind it. Keep asking yourself, “What’s the real belief?” until you know the answer.
- Ask yourself if that belief is fact or fiction. Hint: If you feel defensive, it’s probably fiction.
- Choose a better belief. Seriously, make shit up.
- Talk nice to yourself from now on.
How to Find Love by Changing Beliefs Takeaways
- Beliefs are just thoughts that translate into feelings—fear, anxiety, and worry.
- Thoughts can be changed to better-feeling thoughts. Better-feeling thoughts lead to more confident actions.
xo AJ
Fast forward to the happy ending bits here: Get A Girlfriend here.
Ladies: Get a Good Man here.