A father’s love, advice for my son is the title I’ve chosen because it catches in my throat. You try saying it aloud, you’ll see.
If you had a good dad, you’ll feel fortunate.
If you didn’t, you’ll feel that, too.
I had a good dad but he died when I was almost 12 years old.
I never doubted my father’s love while he was alive but because of his early exit, I didn’t have the blessing of his guidance growing up.
My mom was an emotional mess for years after he died and didn’t even date until I was grown and out on my own.
Three years after he died she tried to join him. (See memoir.)
And my older brother was long gone and living his own life.
I know there are many men out there who longed for a good relationship with their dads but never had that opportunity when they were young.
That breaks my heart for you.
And for those who do or did have wonderful fathers, knowing that makes my heart truly happy for you.
I’m not qualified to provide fatherly advice.
But I know of someone who is and I’m going to refer to his wisdom.
Dad How Do I?
You’ve probably heard of the YouTube channel, Dad How Do I?
Rob Kenney is affectionately referred to as “the Internet’s dad.”
His dad left when he was 14 and when his adult kids moved out, he started his channel, Dad How Do I?, to help sons (and daughters) learn basic life skills they might be missing out on.
Given his 3.5M subscriber base, there’s obviously a lack in the good dad advice department.
In a recent Dad How Do I? blog post, Rob shared what he’s learned about himself from helping others.
The things he discovered is some of the best advice a father’s love can give you. I’ve thrown in a few extra tidbits I think Rob would approve of.
Like many people you probably want to be liked, but when it’s all said and done, you live with you.
There will be times in your life when you’ll want to compromise to please someone else.
AJ note: there’s a big difference between occasional compromise that feels good and constant sacrifice at the cost of you.
Modifying behaviour that doesn’t serve you or others is vastly different than changing the core of who you are.
Never negotiate who you are for anyone.
What Rob means by this is to try not to plan too far down the road and/or not be too attached to that plan.
Things change, life happens. Much is out of your control.
AJ note: Sometimes, you can do everything right and things go sideways.
Learn to roll with the punches, recalibrate, get back up and carry on.
Timing is not always going to be in line with your desires and you’ll need to adjust.
Rob tries to read most of the comments on his YouTube channel.
Given the number of subscribers he has I know this is logistically impossible even if he never slept, like ever.
He feels bad about not getting to everyone, as I do, but he also realizes if he’s not taking care of himself, he’ll be no good to anyone.
He’s learned to set boundaries.
AJ note: Part of being kind to yourself is in setting boundaries, not just with others but also with yourself.
I learned this the hard way a few years ago when I had a handful of friends in dire straights all at the same time all coming to me regularly with their heavy problems.
Heavy, as in, death, divorce, disease, homelessness!
By the end of that week, I collapsed in a puddle of tears and exhaustion.
At the time I had a business coach who I reached out to in desperation and she taught me how to set healthy boundaries.
It was really really really challenging at the beginning because I hate letting people down, especially when I know I can help.
You can set boundaries in a kind way with others.
You must be kind to yourself first.
Rob’s Dad How Do I? YouTube channel shot to the top of the charts in such a short time (less than a year!) it was a bit overwhelming for him.
He felt exposed and unprepared at first but he’s learned to slow down in order to take it all in.
Rob reminds us you don’t know how long things will last, whether they’re good or so-called bad, so take everything in stride.
Make sure enjoy today in all its wonders and don’t worry too much about where you’re headed.
You can only do so much, anyway.
AJ note: As many of you have heard me say, you can only do what you can do.
Which brings me to the Wingmam bonus tips.
Sure, according to stats, there’s a greater chance of not staying together than of staying together.
You could find love and then end up breaking up and broken hearted.
That’s part of why you should filter better to begin with.
But here’s a reality you probably haven’t considered unless you’ve already experienced it…
We’re all going to die one day.
This means if you find your perfect sweetheart and live happily ever after, ever after is going to end at some point (at least in this dimension).
Imagine spending the best years of your life with someone who becomes a part of you, a connected part of your soul.
And then God takes them.
That is why love is the greatest risk of all.
Loneliness has become an epidemic.
We are more digitally engaged and personally disconnected than ever before.
No wonder depression and anxiety are at all time highs.
We have never been so mentally and physically unhealthy as we are today, both individually and as a society.
And there are two main cures for our illness of the soul as it pertains to love: community and connection.
So you’re either going to suffer with the loss of someone you love dearly or you’ll suffer from a life of loneliness and its dire effects.
You’re going to suffer one way or the other, so why not take a chance on love, it is worth the risk.
Having loved and lost, I can vouch for love.
If you’re not a God person or that makes you feel prickly and cranky, then sub in “Life.” Life’s plan.
I’m not asking you to believe in God and at the same time, I’m not giving up God.
Learn to trust God’s timing and Divine plan—or Life’s timing and unpredictable plan.
Sometimes, what we think is good for us has some hidden dark side we can’t see.
This is definitely something I’ve learned in my own life!
There are things I wanted so wholeheartedly and worked so hard to get—maybe too hard—and only after getting them did I realize the downside.
Sometimes, you get what you want because of your sheer willpower and effort because there are lessons you need to learn.
And when you’re shown what you need to learn, it’s ok to make a new plan.
If you want to take a chance on love, get my WakeUP2Luv program today.
Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)