Sex Ed for Men
An Interview with Sarah McMurchie
Let’s admit that most of us have had sexual partners who we’ve wanted to have better sex with. So, fellas, if you want to know how to please her in bed then this sex ed for men interview will give you pleasure. 😉
AJ: Tell us a bit about yourself and how you become a sex educator?
SM: We have so much capacity for pleasure during sex but very few of us explore the potential that is there. I want amazing, explosive, mind-blowing pleasure for everyone, because it feels so gosh darn great and everyone deserves to have that.
That passion is what led me to get my Master of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University, become a sex educator, and now find my career as a Sex and Relationship Coach.
I love talking with people about sex and it brings me joy when people are able to freely talk about it with their partner.
AJ: I agree. Open communicating is so key. Providing a woman with great sex can be stressful for guys, how do you recommend they handle that stress?
SM: EXACTLY! It totally is stressful. In fact, it’s called performance anxiety and it can lead to lowered self-confidence, premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction.
I recommend you handle the stress by:
- Take a jackhammer to that stress and gain confidence in bed. Learn all of my tips in The Best Sex She’s Ever Had, my online course for men.
- Don’t provide her with great sex but instead help her have it. Sex is a two-way street. You can’t just put great sex on a silver platter and hand it to her. She is the only one responsible for her pleasure. You can help facilitate her having immense pleasure, but you cannot give it to her.
- The number one thing I find women and men get stressed about is her orgasm. BUT, a woman’s orgasm is not always the result of great sex. Sometimes women orgasm when they’ve had lousy sex and sometimes women never orgasm even with the best of sex. It’s called non-concordance and it’s a real thing sex researchers study. If you and she have had great sex and she didn’t cum, it was still great sex, that doesn’t change just because she didn’t have an orgasm.
- Ask her if she’s enjoying it. If she is, that’s awesome! If she’s not, ask her what would have her enjoy it more. The point here is to talk to her and inquire about her preferences rather than trying to guess what she likes or not. You’re not a mind-reader!
I’m giving you permission to stop stressing over giving her great sex and just be in the moment with her.
Also, I’m giving you mad props because you want to have awesome sex and you want her to have an amazing time. Thank you for that, I wish more people like you existed in the world ☺
AJ: Thank YOU for that. Guys are way too hung up on women’s Os! So, how soon should a guy try to initiate sex with a new partner?
SM: Initiate when it feels right. That is, when you know she is interested and when you are interested too.
Start off with kissing and gauge both of your interest level. Ask her if she’s interested in more, or better yet, let her make the first move.
It’s not about finding what the “right” moment is to initiate. Too many men are put under the pressure of making the first move. It’s true, a lot of women want you to make the first move, they want a man to make all the sexual moves in the relationship.
But in my line of work, all that leads to later on down the relationship road is you making a move and her being angry about it because she doesn’t want sex.
Invite her to do some of the work too! You can’t read her mind about when she wants it or not. ~ Sarah
AJ: That’s worth repeating: Men are not mind readers! Do you think shy guys or nice guys should play “bad boy” to get sex if they’re looking for a serious relationship?
SM: No, definitely not. Don’t’ try to be anyone that you are not.
AJ: Agreed. What do you find are men’s biggest frustrations with sex?
SM: Worrying about being big enough, maintaining an erection, and getting her off to make sure she’s pleasured.
AJ: No wonder men are stressed! What do you love most about helping men?
SM: I love helping men because a lot of people think that women need all the help, but men need some help too! We put men into a very confined box of how men should be.
I want to help men be free of the social constraints we place on them. Free to be, free to love, free to express themselves, free to be exactly as they are in bed. ~ Sarah
AJ: And that will serve women well, too! How can people find you?
SM: Register for my course, book a coaching session with me or see cool sex tips by following me on twitter!
AJ: Love it! Guys, what do you think. Does Sarah’s advice resonate with you? Make a comment and if you feel moved to do so, please reach out and get in touch with her for extra coaching in the sex ed department!