Sexting: The Ins And Outs

To Sext or Not to Sext

If you read through this long-ass mojo post, you’ll get to the personal AJ TMI Sexting Stories. (I’m assuming you’re of legal age even though this is tame compared to the R-rated material most minors have access to.)

“Sexting” is a weird word. If you say it a few times, it starts to seem odd, but it’s as ubiquitous as the liquitous it can illicit. (That, y’all, was some damn fine prose I just made up!)

What is sexting, anyway?

The AJ definition of sexting: sex-related text communication—including, but not mandatory, exchange of photos/videos—intended to arouse.

Some dating coaches say that sexting is the mutual use of text (or IM) communications to describe specific intimate actions that would occur—at least in fantasy—if the two in communicado were actually physically together going commando—in their birthday suits.

Personally, I think that even seemingly innocent “information inquiry” questions count as sexting.

Example:

What’s your favourite position?
Depends on my mood, I like several.
Such as?
Down and dirty; feeling flirty; lazy slow dozy Sundays etc
What’s down and dirty?
(Insert naughty answer here)… Ok, my turn. What turns you on?
Sexy lingerie, heels in bed …
Do you have a fantasy you’d like to fulfill?
Well, me and my woman are in this fancy hotel …
(And so on …)

Folks, you can fib to yo-self all you want about this information exploration conversation not falling into the sexting category, but boys, if you is getting a boner; and ladies, if you is sliding off your stool, then you all is sexting.

The Dangers of Sexting Too Soon

Damsels who dare to bare their erotic soul by tech too soon risk turning a man on sexually and turning him off of a relationship.

Men like to earn their keep (“she’s a keeper”), and when we give it out without men “efforting” for it, women will often get put straight into men’s “for a good time not a long time” file folder.

Don’t blame the dudes—the sex area of a man’s brain is 20 times bigger than a woman’s. Ignorance of this fact is no longer an excuse, ladies. Now we know!

Don’t think guys get off easy (though they can get off easy) by automatically putting us in the “easy” category. Again, most men can’t help unconsciously labelling us. Step off the feminist soapbox for a minute and realize that sometimes men don’t want to categorize us that way.

Wait, what?

Here’s what I mean … Because men are biologically wired to think about sex more than women, if we let them go there, and especially if we lead them there, they can’t help it—most men will go as far as we give them permission to, but that doesn’t mean they always want to go there. (Some males go further than we give them permission to—a brutal reality, so we must be careful, ladies. #rapeisreal)

You read that right. If a guy starts out really liking you and wants to like you and wants there to be potential for a long-term relationship with you, then you prompt him into sexting too soon—you prompted him to put you in the sex category!

“Too soon” depends on a guy’s individual preferences and intention. Some guys who are interested in a long-term relationship won’t be deterred by sexting straight away; some guys will be turned off by sexting until you’re in a committed relationship. (Or longer. Or ever, sometimes!)

If a guy mentally moves you into the sex category, you’ve got to ask yourself: Is this guy the right guy for me?

And you’ve got to ask yourself why you’re sexting: Am I afraid of losing his attention? Do I have weak boundaries? Am I damn horny and don’t give a shit about “societal standards” because “I own my body and sexuality, bitches!”

Look, I ain’t saying you’re doomed if you do it (sexting too soon), but it’s def definitely harder to lay the groundwork to get back into the good-girl—she’s a keeper—book. (It’s a great quality to be naughty, but why not hold off for a bit?)

Not fair? No one said it’s fair. It’s just true. Because—

If you’re that quick to get on the sexting track with him, what makes him believe that you don’t do that with every guy you meet? And that doesn’t make a man feel special.

Worth repeating: Not all men are into sexting or will solicit women for it! How tempting sexting is will often depend on the maturity level and (often unmet) sexual needs of the guy.

As a general rule of thumb, men are likely to test for or jump on a sexting opportunity—I pulled these stats out of my ass, so forgive me if they’re inaccurate—when they are in their—

20s: 75%
30s: 50%
40s: 25%

When to Sext

If you realize that there is no possibility of long-term potential because you don’t want that with him, but you is horny AF (“as fuck”) and only want some safe “inspiration,” then go ahead and tell him you like head—or whatever.
If you think there’s a chance of long-term potential, wait and set up appropriate sex talk boundaries until you’ve already got naked and naughty with him. Yep, that long.
When it aligns with your value system. Sexting is not a prerequisite for a relationship!

If you want to know how soon to have sex with a man, watch the video:

Men, you have the difficult task of holding back from engaging in sexual communications that will jeopardize the potential of a long-term relationship with an amazing woman, if a long-term relationship is what you’re longing for and you know that sexting will turn. you. off of that. I know, it’s hard.

AJ TMI Sexting Stories

I’ve sexted with past boyfriends and my ex-husband, which I think helps keep a relationship hot, sexy and exclusive.

In my single years, I sexted with a couple of guys—but not at the same time; I’m loyal to one even while sexting.

The Fireman

Several years ago, I saw a guy in real life at a Starbucks that I thought was hot hot hot. Turns out he was a fireman, but that’s an aside. Anyway, being a small town, he knew who I was and tracked me down and sent me a polite and appropriate email, which I can’t remember now.

Fortunately, he was moving far, far away, which was great because I figured out that we weren’t relationship long-term compatible. But damn, baby, he was still hot and I was single and, well, HAF (horny as F) for him. So we sexted. But, shockingly …

He wanted more. Wait, what? Yep, he wanted to chat and have “real” non-sexual conversations, and anyone who knows me knows that I do not like to engage in general conversation via text or phone! (Unless, there’s LT potential.)

Him: Why don’t you ever want to just chat?
Me: Because I don’t … you should feel lucky not to have to.
But I want to.
But I don’t! LOL… sexting is all I have to offer. Sorry.
#truestory

Eventually, we both moved on.

I didn’t engage in sexting until I knew there was zero potential of a “real relationship.” (I didn’t sext anyone I was dating who had potential for a real relationship. Again, this is my value system—yours might be different.)

The Difference between Hot, Handsome / Beautiful and Sexy Summed Up (According to Me!):

Hot = OMG sex please!
Handsome / Beautiful = OMG relationship, please!
Sexy = OMG both sex and a relationship, please!

The Smooth Operator

I met the second guy online (not through a dating site), and he also lived far, far away. We had no long-term potential—he was way younger and wanted kids and didn’t believe in PDAs (public displays of affection).? But I’d gone through a long, long period of self-inflicted celibacy ?, and he was hot hot hot (not a fireman). So I figured, WTF, why not? Because—

Sexting is super safe sex—as long as you know that your dirty words or porn-inspired pics could end up on the Net, y’all! #bottomsup

Though we were not both older, we were both wiser and quickly lost interest in something that lacked depth and possibility. #farfaraway