Get Over A Breakup and Get A Better Girl (Without Being Too Nice)
How do you get over a breakup after you treated her like a Queen and she treated you like a Joker leaving you crushed and suffering.
In the words of one heartbroken viewer, you’re not even sure you “want another heart wrecker.”
This viewer’s comment reminded me of client I workied with a few years ago who was in a world of hurt after a breakup.
Some of the details are different but many of his words are almost identical.
Let’s look at…
Stan’s Story on How to Get Over a Breakup
Ashley was an amazing catch, everything Stan was looking for… sweet, sexy and fun to be with.
They spent every spare minute together, laughed a lot and the sex was ah-mazing!
She even introduced him to her friends and family.
Stan thought things were going great with Ashley and was sure she was the love of his life.
But then something changed.
She started to withdraw and pull away.
So he tried harder to make her happy.
The Temptation of Being “Too Nice”
Stan gave Ashley even more compliments and attention.
He showered her with lavish gifts he couldn’t afford trying to appease her every need and desire.
But Ashley only seemed to get more cranky and distant.
And that made Stan try even harder.
Stan ditched his friends, work and gym to be with her and switched gears to agree with her.
Nothing he was doing was making it better and pretty soon there was no more fantastic sex.
In fact, there was no sex at all.
He hardly even saw her, anymore. She always had an excuse…
She was busy or tired or not feeling well.
Finally, Ashley tells him she wants to take a break, “maybe just be friends for now.”
Feeling hurt and reactive, Stan tells her, “Never mind, we’re done.”
Immediately, he feels lonely and misses her like crazy, but knows there’s no chance of getting her back.
His heart is crushed and his confidence destroyed and it’s taking everything in him not to beg her to try again.
And he knows anything he says is going to sound desperate, anyway.
He decides to give up on women altogether and says, “Anna, I just can’t risk going through this again.”
Sound familiar?
Stan’s Problem
Stan lost himself to Ashley and their relationship.
Similar to my recent viewer who said, “I made her feel way too secure. I worshipped her.”
It’s not so much that Ashley felt too secure in the relationship but that Stan felt too insecure in the relationship.
Read that again.
You see, when you try too hard it comes across as needy and desperate.
Needy and desperate are not attractive.
Not only that, but women are very sensitive to what they perceive as a man’s capacity as a long term partner.
Before we get into how to get over a breakup, let me explain…
Women’s Needs
As I’ve mentioned before, women’s primary need is to feel safe physically, emotionally, financially—the whole nine yards.
When Stan gave up what was important for his health and wellbeing, that made Ashley feel unsafe.
Women instinctively and subconsciously know they won’t always make the right choices in life.
None of us do.
So, when Stan acted like whatever she wanted was right and appropriate, Ashley lost trust in his ability to remain level-headed, logical and overall responsible as a man.
Men and women’s differences complement each other.
Key Point!
Women need men to stay strong in the areas we are less strong or for the times when we’re less strong.
Examples
- When Stan ditched his friends to be with Ashley, that showed his dependence on her for his social life and showed a lack of commitment and emotional responsibility.
Making your partner your everything is not balanced and healthy.
- When Stan ditched his work to be with her, that showed his lack of financial responsibility.
And when Stan ditched the gym to be with her, that showed his lack of responsibility to his health.
- When Stan bought Ashley things he couldn’t afford, or could afford but should have been saving for something more meaningful, that ultimately didn’t make her feel safe for their financial future.
Key Point!
Only damaged women and gold diggers will want you to be financially irresponsible in their best interests only.
But that’s not the kind of girl you want, is it?
The Pedestal
As well, when Stan put Ashley on a pedestal, the reason she looked down on him was because—
…as I’ve said in many videos…
—women mirror your feelings about you.
When Stan acted like Ashley was better than he was or out of his league, her subconscious feelings agreed and she felt there must be some hidden reason for it… some perhaps unknown major default about him.
Even if she didn’t think he had some hidden flaw, she would have felt that he wasn’t seeing the real (flawed) her.
And unconsciously believed one day when he finally acknowledge her flaws, he would be disappointed or possibly even leave her.
We all want to be loved and appreciated for the real us, including our flaws, especially our personality flaws.
“That’s great to know now, Anna, but how do I get over her?”
How to Get Over a Breakup
Stan needs to focus on himself.
He must meet all of his own needs first.
“But Anna, Ashley is my neeeeed.”
Ok, that’s a problem. More on that in a minute!
You must meet your own needs as though you are single and healthy—mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, the works!
Focus On What You Can Do To…
- Create or re-establish a social life
- Improve your health, especially where it slacked
- Better your financial situation
- Make your career more satisfying
- Get back into your hobbies
- Refocus on other goals you used to have or create some
How to get over a breakup and how to be attractive to an emotionally healthy, highly desirable woman means you’ve got to be healthy in all of these areas.
“But Anna, I don’t even know where to start!”
Either, you take a hard look at where your life needs urgent fixing regardless of any woman and focus on those areas or…
If you want some guidance on how to know where to start…
…you get my WakeUp2Luv program and go through the processes that walk you through how to figure out which areas need attention and what your priority should be.
Then you do the step-by-step work to improve those areas.
“But Anna, I did that.”
No, either you didn’t complete the homework or you did it once.
In the program, I recommend revisiting a certain module (cough: LIFE WHEEL!) on a regular basis.
You don’t go to the gym once and miraculously get the body you want.
Stan’s Reality Check and Happy Ending 😉
When Stan realized he felt unworthy of Ashley, he knew he had to change something within himself.
He could either go to a therapist, which if nothing was working, then yeah, he’d do that.
Or, he could do the work in my program, which included revisiting some key segments.
He decided to start there… and discovered his #1 priority was to get back in the gym.
The gym was a great place to take out his frustrations and clear his mind.
And the pump he felt after a good workout boosted his mood.
Soon, he started feeling almost normal again and found his confidence improving.
He was ready to tackle some of the other things on his list.
By focusing on himself, Stan was able to not only get over the breakup but also realize that while he still missed some aspects of his relationship with Ashley…
… there were things in their relationship not in alignment with what he wanted in a woman and in a relationship.
Ashley actually did him a favour by leaving!
He still thought Ashley was pretty amazing but he knew he’d find someone better for himself, eventually.
And not long after, he did. #truestory
Key Point!
It wasn’t easy but when Stan practiced doing things out of his comfort zone to better himself and his life, his perception of himself changed.
Taking specific actions toward improvement and achievement where it mattered to him increased Stan’s self worth.
When he did, he no longer acted needy and desperate because he truly no longer was needy and desperate.
If you haven’t got my program, get on it here. (Some reviews here.)
And if you have, maybe it’s time for a review.
Thanks for being here… God bless!
Stan sure told most of my story. Like Stan I professed my unwavering love to a woman not deserving of it. I did dig into my feelings with a therapist and found answers. Not the person, but the situation I craved. I'm taking care of Steve, and going this morning to meet a girl I met on the internet. I established my own rules to meeting. And don't reveal them like in a list….lol. The rules are for me. Message, talk on the phone, so I know it's a woman I'm conversing with. Then , if all seems right, meet for coffee, not dinner on me. If that goes well, a date. Then fate runs it's course while she becomes just a piece of my life, not the whole means for my existence. No one deserves that much of me, anymore!
Wise strategy and good advice for all single men in the dating world! 🙂
Thanks again Anna, What's changed, isn't I met the girl of my dreams. Because maybe no one meets that expectation. But I seem to know quicker if I'm with a low quality woman than in the past. I'm actually listening to what they tell me about their life's rather than focusing on their physical attributes. Example, I recently met an attractive lady. We spent the day together and had some very long phone conversations. BUT! All she seemed to focus on was her supposedly ex. Hubby. She mentioned Mark over 20 times in one call. All his belongings were where she currently resides. And in her dream situation, she said, I meet a man with property…..And they are just separated. That was a "see ya don't want to be ya" situation. With all the red flags, I just declined her next invitation telling her I didn't see us as long term partners. That's it. No future apology needed. Past behavior would have ignored what she was telling me. Sometimes we need to tell ourselves, we're too good for someone. Onward I go. And for everyone out there, chin up!
Sounds like you dodged a bullet! Onward and upward… you got this! 🙂