IS SHE WORTH IT? How To Know There Are Chances and Not WALK AWAY…
Do you really like or even love her but still ask yourself: Is she worth it? If you answered yes, this post is for you!
Chances are you’re going to choose the wrong woman at some point.
Then you’ll go through a whole lot of pain before you split up.
Either she’ll cheat on you or leave you and break your heart…
Or it’ll get so bad you have no choice but to be the one to walk away.
And because of that experience, you’ll hesitate even when the right girl does show up.
Because none of us is perfect.
We all have personality flaws.
And none of us were taught how to communicate effectively.
So even if she is the right one for you, you’re not going to agree on everything and there is going to be conflict.
And if you’ve been hurt before you might cut and run too soon.
Let’s look at how to know there are chances and not walk away and lose a good one and so you can answer the question…
Is She Worth It?
The answer might surprise you!
Let’s jump right in…
If you’ve watched my videos for a while, you’ve heard me say many times that —Attraction isn’t enough. Chemistry isn’t enough. Connection isn’t enough.
Those are great for a hookup or even friends with benefits.
But it’s not enough for a long-term, happy relationship.
Most people find someone they’re attracted to and can have a conversation with and fall in love without vetting for what really matters.
Don’t get me wrong, wanting to bump nasties is good!
And so is feeling like she gets you and you can be yourself with her, but you also need —
Compatible values, beliefs, long-term goals, some lifestyle overlap, and yes, a little temperament.
More on temperament later.
If those qualities are in alignment and you’re still unsure and asking yourself, “Is she worth it?” you’ll want to look at these 3 things…
1. Your Baggage, Not Hers
If you’re sabotaging the relationship with your baggage and hangups then the question might not be “Is she worth it?” But “Am I ready?”
Example
Your last girlfriend cheated on you or left you for another guy.
Maybe she used a girlfriend as a scapegoat when she was out late and you found out later she was actually with Chad.
Ouch. That sucks.
So you become paranoid and think all women are cheaters.
You’re always looking for signs she’s going to cheat or is cheating and question her whereabouts all. the. time.
Meanwhile, she understands why you’re paranoid and tries to accommodate you by texting you when she’s out with her girlfriends.
Maybe she sends you photos of them together or other images of the outing to try to make you feel safe.
But that’s not good enough for you.
You pout when she goes out with her friends and always want to be invited.
In healthy relationships, couples do some things apart.
Doing so gives you both a chance to miss each other and not become co-dependent.
But your insecurities are getting in the way of a healthy interdependent relationship.
Pretty soon, there’s tension and she’s feeling smothered.
When she tries to talk to you about it, you get pissy, pouty, or passive-aggressive.
She finally tells you if something doesn’t change, the relationship isn’t going to make it.
Is she worth it?
From what we know so far, yes, but you’re not giving the relationship what it needs to succeed.
If it’s your baggage, not hers, then she’s probably worth it and you’ve got some work to do on you.
Solution coming up.
But what if it’s the other way around…
2. Her Baggage, Not Yours
As mentioned, none of us are perfect and none of us were taught how to do relationships.
But let’s say it’s her baggage that’s interfering with the relationship.
Is she worth it?
Again, if you’ve got compatible values, beliefs, long-term goals, and lifestyle you’ve got the foundation.
But if her baggage is sabotaging the relationship then how to know there are changes and not walk away is simple.
If she is actively working on fixing her issues, including you in the solutions as a teammate, and you’re seeing progress, then it might not be time to walk away.
Example
She was cheated on in a past relationship and is paranoid all men are cheaters.
It’s the same scenario, only reversed.
The first few times you go out she texts you dozens of times to check-in.
You reassure her and she rewards you by giving you the cold shoulder.
But because you know no one is perfect and you know why she’s paranoid and your baggage isn’t an issue, instead of walking right away you choose to…
…talk to her about it. In fact, you use the Love Sammich approach I describe in my How to Handle an Angry Woman video. High five, Sir.
She admits she was wrong, apologizes, and asks you to help her find ways to feel more secure.
Maybe you agree to text her when you wake up, hungover or not.
Or maybe you go over to her place at the end of the night.
She’s still uneasy but she’s not making a big deal of the night.
The next time you go out she feels safer.
Is she worth it?
Maybe. See how things progress.
This brings us to the third way how to know there are chances and not walk away.
3. You’re Both Team Mates
As we’ve established, we’re all flawed, none of us are perfect, and we’re all learning how to do relationships better.
Side note: High five for being here! Learning about how to do relationships deserves major kudos!
So, none of us is perfect. We’ve all got some work to do to better ourselves and unpack whatever baggage is weighing us down.
If you’re both on the same team and working to help each other grow into your better selves, that’s huge.
Notice I didn’t just say she’s a teammate. You have to be one, too.
It’s you two against the world’s tribulations.
You’ve got each others’ backs.
This doesn’t mean agreeing on everything.
Sometimes, the kindest thing she can do for you is to challenge you on your limited self-beliefs.
There are some other reliable signs she’s really a keeper based on her actions. More on that in a minute.
But first, remember that being good for each other doesn’t always feel good.
Getting out of our comfort zones feels uncomfortable.
Life begins outside your comfort zone.
What to do if it’s your baggage coming up…
But what if you are fighting over every little thing?
What if your values, beliefs, goals, and lifestyle match perfectly, but the way you disagree don’t match?
You end up fighting about little things that become big things.
You might have opposite temperaments!
To learn how to know there are chances and not walk away when you have opposite temperaments watch my video on Is Your Relationship Doomed?
If you want to know for sure she’s a keeper based on her actions, watch my video, She’s a Keeper IF…
And if it’s your baggage that keeps rearing its head to sabotage your relationships, then it’s time to get professional help.
There’s no shame in it. Remember, we weren’t taught how to get over our baggage.
I invite you to talk to a counselor or therapist. If you don’t have one, this is the company I recommend.
You deserve to have lasting love and sometimes that means having someone help you get out of your own way.
You got this.
Thanks for being here, God bless!