Making a Big Impression on a First Date
To use the coupon or not to use the coupon? That is the date question.
This topic was discussed on my Wingmam Facebook page here, so, without further preamble …
Let’s review the purpose of a first date:
- To feel if there’s romantic chemistry.
- To find out if your values and long-term goals align.
- To get to know each other—the real each other.
Romantic Chemistry
Whether you met on a dating site—here’s a great review of dating sites by the way—or in the “real world,” you had an initial attraction, but it could have been simply a moment of interest.
The first date will help flush out those woo-woo feelings to make sure that you really do want to see this person naked, eventually.
Values and Long-Term Goals
Even if you do want to “do it” *wink*, if you’re looking for long-term love, you’ll need to have compatible values and long-term goals.
If one of you thinks, “What they don’t know won’t hurt them” and the other thinks, “Brutal honesty at all times is the best policy,” then your values may not align for long-term success.
As well, if one of you wants a football-team-sized family and the other one is allergic to wee ones (like me), no amount of hot and steamy sex is going to keep you together and happy.
The Real You
If you go into a first date trying to be someone you’re not and the other person likes that fake you, then you’ve just signed up for a lifelong acting role. If that’s who you really want to be—and can afford it (details to follow)—then super! Go you!
But if you’re pulling out a fake you that you can’t or don’t want to sustain, then you is a bad dog. This is called false and misleading advertising. And as much as it might impress your date, when she finds out you were a personality fibber, she will get un-impressed and not trust you.
Hint: Trust is paramount to a positive relationship.
When to Use a Coupon on a Date
Use a coupon when you’ve already gone out on enough dates to establish mutual interest in more dates. There is no hard-and-fast rule on this, but wait a minimum of three to five dates.
Then you might say, “Hey, I have this coupon for X restaurant or X event. Would you want to go with me?”
Wording it this way makes it less of a “real date” and more like, “I could ask a friend to save you from a tacky date gesture, but I’d rather share this extra experience with you.”
When you use a coupon on a first date, it tells the gal that:
- you’re broke,
- you’re not creative in coming up with an interesting and affordable date idea, or
- you don’t think highly of her.
None of these makes her feel special or makes you look sexy; they make you look selfish.
If you’re broke, she doesn’t feel financially safe. If you’re not creative, she’ll subconsciously think you can’t find solutions to life’s bigger difficulties; therefore, she won’t feel emotionally safe. If you don’t think highly of her, she’ll think you don’t respect her; therefore, she won’t feel physically safe because you may leave her or treat her poorly.
If you wait to use the coupon until you’re a “we,” she’ll view that as “taking care of the ‘you two’ (a couple),” and she will see that as an admirable quality. (Unless, she’s adverse to using coupons; if so—Mayday! Mayday! Wrong mate, wrong mate!)
But, Anna, aren’t you supposed to make a big impression on a first date?
Sure, but make it an authentic impression.
How to Make a Big Impression on a First Date
Authentic means not spending beyond your means. If you can’t afford to take her to that restaurant once a week forever after, then save that special place and coupon.
Impress her with your personality, accomplishments (not financial), sense of humour, undivided attention and focused interest on her!
When to Use a Coupon on a Date and Still Impress Her Takeaways
- Get real! Impress her by being the real you.
- Despite #1, save the coupon until when it’s viewed as a plus in her eyes.
Reminder: Women’s primary need is to feel safe—emotionally, physically, financially.
xo AJ