How To Avoid A Serial Dater

What is a Serial Dater?

What is a serial dater? Exactly as it sounds, someone addicted to the dating process who never advances any potential relationship to the next level no matter how ideal the prospective partner might be.

Serial daters can be men or women!

Serial daters are never ready to settle down. They like the chase, and once they have you in their web (or bed), then BAM, they’re out like proverbial trout.
~Glamour

Why do serial daters serial date?

Any of the following could be reasons why a serial dater never settles down:

Serial daters have intimacy issues.
Serial daters have low self-esteem.
Serial daters can be addicted to the thrill of the chase.
Serial daters have been burned in a previous relationship.
Serial daters aren’t interested in settling down now or ever.

Let’s look at these possibilities more closely …

Serial daters with intimacy issues.

It may have started in childhood with divorcing parents, death of a parent (abandonment), ill treatment by some primary caretaker, rejection by a high school crush, or any number of other impactful events that caused the serial dater’s brain to register “love commitment” as painful.

Serial daters with low self-esteem.

Related to intimacy issues is low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem also often comes from experiences in early developmental years but can happen later in life―for example, if someone special cheated on the serial dater.

That sucks.

Wherever it comes from, serial daters with low self-esteem never want to advance past dating because they (consciously or subconsciously) believe they’re not good enough, and you’ll find out and leave them.

They cut you off before you can cut them off at the Pass Go.

Serial daters addicted to the thrill of the chase.

Let’s face it, the butterflies of early dating and courtship are some of the best belly tickles around.

Anyone who’s gone past this into a “real” relationship knows that this stage doesn’t last forever.

Unfortunately, serial daters addicted to the thrill of that initial new excitement may not have experienced the other even better feelings of closeness and understanding that come only from the intimacy of getting to know the real person and the depth that love offers.

Maybe they’ve never had that kind of relationship, or again, maybe they’ve been burned and can only relate to the negative feelings.

Serial daters who’ve been burned in a relationship.

Anyone who’s been in a serious, committed and loving relationship that ended in a breakup knows the pain of this experience, even if they’re the one who chose to leave the relationship.

Whether our heart has been broken or we’ve broken someone else’s heart, the feeling sucks skanky balls (which, unless you like skanky ball flavour, is rather unpleasant).

If this is the case, the serial dater wants to save themselves, and maybe you, that inevitable pain.

Serial daters who aren’t ready to settle down.

Serial daters who aren’t ready to settle down don’t want to stay home and play solitaire until they’re ready to date or be in a relationship.

Can you blame them?

They may or may not realize that they’re not ready to settle down, but it’s not their fault if we don’t ask the right questions to find out.

Now, if they say they are ready to settle down, but never do, then it could be one of the other four reasons, or it could be that they simply haven’t made the right connection.

In which case, high five to the serial dater for not leading someone on when they know there’s no connection for them.