Most men who are physically attracted to a woman mistakenly think women feel the same way, but sexual chemistry vs emotional connection is very different, especially for the ladybirds.
This happened a few years ago …
A guy on a dating site caught my attention!
A rarity because 99.5% of the profiles I’ve read suck. Yes, that works out to 1 in 200 stand out in a good way.
So, this guy has decent photos (not cheesy photos—him holding fish, or holding a camera in front of a bathroom mirror, or holding some ex’s hand!) and the written portion was witty.
Great so far!
I messaged him. He replied positively.
(If you sound like MM, don’t freak out because there’s a woman out there who will totally dig that. Or at least not be bothered by it, like my shallow ass.)
We talked on the phone the next day. The next day.
An hour later, I knew if he met my Top 5 Deal Makers/Breakers through a naturally flowing conversation.
It didn’t feel like a job interview for either of us. How do I know? He agreed to a date. 😉
So far we don’t know sexual chemistry vs emotional connection is, but we know there’s a chance of intellectual/emotional connection.
On the offhand chance a woman is reading this:
Some guys get nervous. If a lady wants a date, it’s totally okay to help a gent out a bit by indicating an interest. In fact, it’s appreciated.
For example: “Well, you don’t sound like Mickey and I kinda like you so far (laugh), should we meet?”
This approach gives a guy the green light to ask you out without you being the one to ask him out.
Two days later (yep, two), we went on a date.
By the way, he asked if I wanted to be picked up. Check.
It’s gentlemanly that he asked, but I declined because of my long-standing paranoia of Shreddies killers and stalkers. <Meh, shrug>
We met. He looked like his photos. I looked like my photos. Check.
We went for brunch. Conversation was easy. I had an attitude of curiosity not expectation.
He appropriately touched my arm a few times allowing to reciprocate if I so choose. I didn’t.
He was good-looking, but I wasn’t feeling it where it counts …
Physical / sexual chemistry (vs emotional connection) is when you have no idea what the other person is saying because you want to kiss them right now!
You also want to do a bunch of other stuff that happens in your birthday suits.
Which is what you’re thinking during and after being together.
Only later do you think, “What did we talk about?”
Intellectual/emotional connection is when you hang on their every word because you love their words.
Only later do you think, “Could I imagine kissing that person?”
Ideally, the sweet spot is somewhere in between.
You get a little distracted wanting to kiss, touch, cuddle, or other, but you’re also interested in what they have to say—what they’re about as a person.
Whether you have instant sexual chemistry or an emotional connection case, the only way to know if you have long-term possibility as a couple is to get to know the person—before you get physically intimate!
Even if for no other reason than we tend to ignore red flags if the sex is sooo good.
Darn. And yep.
Sure, there have been exceptions to this generalization, but of the hundreds of long-term (over 10, 20, 30+ years) couples I’ve interviewed 95% of the women said they didn’t experience instant physical/sexual chemistry vs emotional connection.
Interestingly, the stats are reversed for the dudes, which makes sense because men’s sexual area of the brain produces 10-30 times more testosterone, the primary sex hormone.
So, what happened at the end of my date?
We discovered, through texting after the date, that although we both shared an intellectual connection, neither of us shared a “romantic” connection.
We agreed to mutually “friend zone” each other.
And because he’s a good guy and emotionally mature, I feel confident introducing him to my sexy single gal pals.
Wham-bam-thank-me- wing ma’am!
Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
Just because that person isn’t right for you doesn’t mean his/her friends might not be and likewise with your friends for him.
If you have a mature and abundant attitude, you’re not being relegated to the friend zone, you’re choosing it.
You’re welcome! 😉
p.s. Never “Ma’am” a woman over 30. Just. Don’t. Noooo.
p.p.s. Watch my WingmamTV video on sexual chemistry vs. emotional connection!
Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)