Attract a Woman Through Text? (Totally Doable!)

How to Attract a Woman Through Text

Can You Really Attract a Woman Through Text and Trigger Chemistry with a Woman

If you want to know how to attract a woman through text pay attention to the “why” behind the “what” in these do’s and don’ts for how to trigger chemistry with a woman.

Have you ever thought things were going pretty good with a woman but then she suddenly lost interest?

Or maybe her interest dwindled out while you were desperately trying to keep her attention.

Either way, you were disappointed and likely didn’t know what went wrong.

This is a really long post y’all, so if you’re pressed for time (or don’t like a long read), skip to the end for the videos! xo

Let’s go through the do’s and don’ts of how to attract a woman through text and ensure you trigger chemistry to keep her wanting more.

Do’s and Don’ts of How to Attract a Woman Through Text & Trigger Chemistry

Whether you just met in person or online or have already been on a date or two, triggering chemistry and attraction through text requires skill and finesse.

But before we get to the back and forth of texting, you need to leave a favourable impression in her mind from the get-go.

If you want to impress her, there are a few critical tips you need before you even embark on texting her.

#JustTheTip 1

The must-have mindset: You are the prize!

#JustTheTip 2

Use “the assumptive close” to get her #: “Hey, let’s exchange numbers” is casual and confident.

#JustTheTip 3

Tease her.

Example: “though [raised eyebrow] I don’t know if we should hang out, you might be trouble ;)”

Make sense?


If you stick around to the end, I’ll share with you a specific text you can use right now that a guy just used on me that could get a girl texting and why it works!

Now let’s get on with the do’s and don’ts of how to attract a woman through text…

  • Do Introduce Yourself
    • Assume that if you’re interested in her, so are other guys.
    • If she’s a “good one” who knows how many guys are vying for her attention.
  • Never assume you’re the only Connor in her contacts.
  • Don’t be Boring and Forgettable
    • By saving your name as John Doe you’ll blend in with all the other Not Chads. #yawn

Which brings us to…

  • Do Make Yourself Memorable
    • If you distinguish yourself from any other guys she might be chatting with you’ll automatically stand out and increase your attractiveness to her.
    • Whether you’re adding your name into her phone in person or sending her your contact details via dating site/app, associate your name with something specific.

Assuming she’ll understand the association because of where/how you met or something that was discussed online.

John the IT Geek 😉
John the IT Geek … a smart guy with a smart guy job ? 😉
Guitar John 😉
Guitar John … strumming for your heart #cheesy
Starbucks John 😉
Starbucks John … has good taste in coffee (& women) x 😉

When to use the bolder move?

If you’ve met her in person or online (via FaceTime etc) and know for sure attraction level is above average to high for you.

However, if she seems hesitant or on the fence, you may want to start with the shorter, less bold approach.

If her reply is favourable, you could add the bit after “…”


You: Hey, Ashley, it’s John the IT Geek 😉
Her: Hi John IT Geek lol what are you up to?
You: … a smart guy with a smart guy job getting ready to do some smart guy stuff 😉 Actually, I’m going to workout so I can save the world from the Coronavirus, what are you up to today?

Yes, this is cheesy, but if her attraction level is above average to high, she’ll appreciate the humour.

Also, did you notice what else we did in this message?

We subtly let her know you’re smart, have a good job, take care of your health and have a sense of humour.

What an interested woman consciously or subconsciously takes away from this brief convo:

  1. Smart: She can trust you to make smart decisions that protect the two of you (and/or your future family).
  2. Job: A secure job won’t land you (/her/your future family) living under a bride.
    Workout: All things considered, you’ll live long enough to continue to do the the other things on this list.
  3. Save the world: You’re sure of yourself so won’t let others bamboozle you (/her/your future family).
  4. Asking about her: You’re socially aware and not selfish in your attentions.

Don’t Start a Conversation with…

… any of the following:

  1. Hey
  2. Wuz up?
  3. How r u
  4. Wut doing?


These openers automatically imply that you are dumb and/or lazy.

The manual for how to attract a woman through text does not include be dumb and lazy.

Yes, you can get away with it if you’re under 20 but you’ll still stand out more favourable if you don’t!

What to do instead?

Instead try:

On a scale of “I shouldn’t have got out of bed today” and “I should buy a lottery ticket” how’s your day, Ashley?

Do Give a Compliment … but!

  • Make it unique and specific about her.


  • Make it about her personality or character traits.

Be creative and specific.


You: Ashley Brown you might be the smartest pretty girl I’ve met.


You: Ashley Brown you might have the most interesting profile I’ve seen. Banjo? Really??

Okay, the first example did add a hint of the physical but it was general, whereas “smart” was specific.

Don’t Give a Sexual / Physical Compliment

At least not at the beginning.

She’s a woman — she KNOWS you find her physically attractive because you’re engaging with her!

Women speak a thousand shades of “hint” and we know that a guy who has zero sexual attraction won’t cross the street for us.

So save your sexual / physical compliments for later.

When later? You ask.

I’ll tell ya later, along with more on using her name. 😉

Don’t OverUse Emojis

Women and gay guys use emojis. You certainly don’t want to come across as either of those to the woman you’re hot for.

Rule of Thumb:

If you’re in your…

  • 20s and under: max 2 per conversation (not 2 per text!)
  • 30s: max 1 per conversation
  • 40s and up: rarely or never … opt for: “;)” instead of ?

Do be Brief

Save something for in-person / phone / FaceTime conversations. Leave some mystery.

In the normal world of dating if you want to know how to attract a woman through text, you need to know that you’ll use text mostly for information not conversation.

Generally, while you’re trying to build attraction (as opposed to already being in a relationship), you want to save texting for when, where and “I’ll be 5 minutes late.”

What I mean is that if you want to trigger chemistry with a woman, you need her to crave more of and from you.

Wingmam motto: Always leave them wanting more.

Along the same lines…

Don’t Send Multiple Texts or Multiple Questions in a Row

While you may simply be curious, sending multiple text or questions in a row comes across as desperate, needy and smothering.

Pace thyself!

At the same time…

Don’t Send One Word Replies

And though you do want to be somewhat mysterious, if you only send one word replies she’ll think you’re boring, dumb or not into her.

Do Use Correct Spelling and Grammar

Depending on what age range you’re at will determine just how much leeway you can get away with on this one.

Usually, the younger you are the more you can get away with because lazy texting is the norm.

But even if you’re a teen or in your 20s, girls will notice in a positive way if you pay attention to your words.

And if you’re in your 30s, 40s, 50s or above then you really need to pay attention to proper spelling and grammar because lazy texting is not the social norm — or at least woman don’t want it to be!

  1. Cringe-worthy: How r u?
  2. Better: How are you?
  3. Best: How are you today, Ashley? (More on this one later!)

Just The Tip — Know and use the proper form of “your” and “you’re” and “there” “their” and “they’re!”

You don’t have to become a spelling major but if you mess up on these basics, you won’t only not trigger chemistry with a woman, you’ll risk turning her off.


Because lazy grammar comes across as … lazy. And dumb. Neither are attractive to women.

You might be able to charm her in person with your spoken words, but you won’t pass go if she sees these text errors first.

Remember, men and women are different in many ways and this is one of them.

And sure, some women won’t care, but it’s such a simple fix, why would you allow yourself to potentially lose out on a good woman because of it.

However, there is one exception to the Grammar Police rule.

Don’t End Texts With a Period

While proper grammar will have you ending all your sentences with some form of punctuation, when we’re texting it comes across as formal or curt. (Not Cobain.)

Do Use “?” Always and “!” Sparingly

If you ask a question, use a question mark, ok?

But go easy on the exclamation marks or they’ll seem overly animated!!! (Girl/Gay Guy thing.)

Don’t Ghost Her Mid Conversation

Disappearing in the middle of a conversation is rude.

Unless you’ve been hit by a bus.

Or attacked by a Sasquatch.

Ghosting is not mysterious, it’s discourteous.

If you need to go, say so.

Speaking of which…

Do End the Conversation First

When you’re in the stage of building attraction, you’ll want to remember the Wingmam Motto of always leaving them wanting more.

So, not only will you keep your texting conversations relatively brief, but you’ll want to be the first to sign off.

Example coming up.

Do Add Some Humour

Life is often way too serious and we all need to chill out a bit.

If you can add some kind of inside humour that specifically relates to either a conversation or experience you’ve shared—bonus point!


Let’s say you met at Starbucks or her profile says she won’t start the day without three shots of espresso.

You: If you’re as bold as your coffee choice I’m in a whole lot of trouble 😉

Laughter releases feel-good hormones. She relates those feelings to you.

Yay you!


Don’t Overdo the Funnies

At the same time, if you add too many jokes, haha’s or witty quips she’s going to interpret that as you being nervous or trying too hard.

Rule of Thumb: one to two laughies per conversation max.

Here’s something else that is such a turnoff…

Don’t — DO NOT — Send a Dick Pic!

This should not even have to be stated, but sadly it does.

Women are not like men in that we do not get aroused by seeing your procreatory bits.

An unsolicited penis photo is just gross. Key word: unsolicited.

Also, in this category are: bathroom selfies and shirtless photos with showing off ripped abs.

Unless. She. Asks!

Rule of thumb about photos: assume she’d feel the same way you’d feel about receiving the same type of photo from some random guy as the one you’re about to send.

Some young “ladies” (and I do use that term as loosely as those girls are) want to see the goods if they’re only interested in a hook up.

But if you’re looking for love or the potential for it and she’s a good woman, not Slutty Slutterson, then don’t risk it.

Rule of thumb: Get her to send you a riské photo first! And still ask if she’d like a reciprocal image.

Provide the same level of imagery that she sends and let her ask for more.

Do Slip In Some Sexual Tension / Innuendo

Never start with sexual naughtiness, but do slip it in where appropriate.

Without sexual tension all you have is a friend. #friendzone

But the beginning of a conversation is not the appropriate time to lay it on her unless you’ve already had sex and that’s all the relationship is about.

However, if you think you might want a “real” relationship with her, be careful about introducing sex talk too soon.

The best way to show you how to add sexual tension tastefully is with an example.

Let’s go back to our our IT Geek working out…


You: Hey, Ashley, it’s John the IT Geek 😉
Her: Hi John IT Geek lol what are you up to?
You: … a smart guy with a smart guy job getting ready to do some smart guy stuff 😉 Actually, I’m going to workout so I can save the world from the Coronavirus, what are you up to today?
Her: Lol nothing quite so ambitious, thought I’d do something really exciting: laundry!
You: Well, it’s not going to do itself… I could make a naughty joke out of that but I’ll refrain because you’re a lady
Her: Haha, not always! 😉
You: Ashley Ashley Ashley … Tell me more
Her: Lol … Maybe later ?
You: I’ll take that as a yes. For later. 😉 Your laundry and my gym awaits, ttys Is that a yes? x
Her: Kk xo

Why this works:

You introduce sexual tension to the interaction but don’t press for sexy photos or sexting right away. (More on this later!)

She experiences this as you leading the conversation and pacing the relationship. i.e. You’re not desperate.

She feels that you aren’t prematurely or inappropriately making her more important than other things in your life.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but women instinctively need to know that you will take care of you first so that you can take care of her (and your future potential family).

You let her know you’ll be chatting again with the “ttys, yes? x” so she doesn’t feel you only want sex.

Important! If she had not written “Haha, not always!” and instead put “Haha” then you would not have asked her to “tell you more.”

You’d have needed to buffer her rebuff with something non-sexual before signing off, otherwise she’d think you were just after sex.

Make sense?

#JusttheTip: Do not open the next conversation with something sexual or she will think that’s all you want.

Don’t Use Pet Names (Yet)

Unless you’re already in a long distance relationship and have established a nickname, don’t do it.

But if you’ve just met or are in the courting stage, refrain.

If feels imposing and assumptive and a li’l too eager. #turnoff

Pet names should be saved for when you’re moving toward a “relationship” however that might look.

And — JustTheTip — nicknames should be decided on together or at least with “consent” as in, “Do you like it when I call you __?”

So skip the Sweets, Bae, Babe, and Baby for now, boys!

And today’s #1 tip for how to attract a woman through text and trigger chemistry with a woman…

Do Use Her Name

The most loved word in the world is our own name.

Most guys rarely if ever use a girl’s name. What a waste!

But what an opportunity for you, Sir.

Using her name makes your interaction personal and familiar.

Personal makes her feel seen and familiar makes her feel safe. Ooh. La. La.

So, always open a new conversation with her name somewhere in it and try to slip it in at least once more during the conversation or at the end. 😉

Bonus tip: If you know her last name, use her first and last name somewhere in the convo, but save this for special “escalating” conversations.

Don’t Brag or Talk Endlessly About Yourself

Yes, you want to impress her but you need to be subtle — women pick up on everything you share and read between the lines very well.

There’s a big difference between confidence self-assurance and cocky arrogance.

If you are overt about your status, wealth or accomplishments the only girls you’ll attract will be shallow, hight maintenance gold diggers.

That what you want?

Do Focus on Talking About Her

Ultimately, almost everyone’s favourite topic is themselves.

If she’s interested in you and she’s a keeper, she’ll ask about you, too.

And If she doesn’t, that may be a red flag, Sir.

Do Escalate to a Phone Call

Whether you choose the bolder route — calling her randomly — or choose the less bold path of suggesting your first phone call, many men wait too long to make this move.

The younger your age, the less comfortable you’ll be with actually phoning a girl, which is why this move stands out so much.

Hint: No matter what age she is, she may not answer your call. She may be busy, flustered, or nervous.

Do it anyway! And absolutely do be prepared to leave a voice message or you’ll come off as hesitant.

Once you do get her on the call…

Don’t Be Indecisive

Indecisiveness is a major turnoff for women.

So, if you can be decisive and show her that you go for what you want at the right time, she will respect that and you.

Hint: Women are attracted to men who’s feelings are uncertain toward her not who’s uncertain in life in general.

For example, there’s a huge difference between: “Let’s go Sunday” and “Would you want to go sometime?”

Enough said.

Do Close on Making Plans

The reason many women lose interest when texting is because the guy fails to lead the pace of the relationship.

Read that again.

She needs to you appropriately escalate the pace of the relationship.

If you go in general, not specific, about what she likes to do on a date, you plant the seed.


You: So, Ashley what’s your idea of a perfect date?
Then you chat about that conversationally before “closing the deal.”
Closing the Deal Example:
You: What’s your favourite kind of food [/restaurant]?
Her: Thai, yum!
You: Tasty. 😉 Have you been to Thai Village?
Her: No, is it good?
You: The best! I’ll have to take you there .. you deserve the best, Ashley
Or her: Yes, it’s not my fave. ;(
You: What’s the best Thai Resto?
Her: Pink Elephant!
You: Well then, Ashley, I’ll have to take you there. 😉
If her reply is encouraging…
You: Let’s go Saturday. Yes or yes?

You get the idea.

Don’t Text When Drunk/High

This should go without saying (as doesn’t another “never do this” you’ll see later), but it still happens enough that it need be mentioned.

Since a lot of younger guys get nervous when moving to the step of leaving a voice mail or calling, they may think they need some liquid courage.


Drunk or high texting or calling only make you look like you NEED to be drunk or high TO have the bravery to do it.

Plus, you sound awful.

Just don’t.

Do Have a Life

When you’ve got stuff happening in your world it makes you more interesting.

Be busy enough that if Saturday doesn’t work out for Ashley, you’re not available any other day she suggests.

This means you actually have to be doing things.

If you don’t know what to do to become interesting — and, incidentally, self-fulfilled — check out my video on How to Increase Your Market Value (at Home).

Don’t Change Plans for Her

Being overly available sends her the signal that you don’t have friends, hobbies, interests, commitments etc.

Or that you’re desperate and anxious to be with her. That’s not sexy.

If you’ve got something planned already, stick to your plans and don’t feel you need to explain yourself.


Her: Can’t do Saturday, I’ve got a dinner with my family. Friday?
You: Darn, Friday won’t work for me. How about Sunday?

If she asks what you’re doing Friday, be playfully ambiguous.


You: Well, don’t tell anyone, Ashley, but I’m secretly a super hero crime fighter and Fridays are my busiest night 😉
Her: Haha
You: So I’ll see you Sunday, yes? 7pm

Key point 1: If she’s into you, it doesn’t matter what you say or how cheesy it is!

Key point 2: If she’s not into you, it doesn’t matter how witty and on point it is!

If she presses you for what you’re up to, then be honest.


You: I’ve got a paper I’m working on / It’s guys’ football night / It’s whatever … and I take my commitments seriously

Whether a woman is interested in a short or long term relationship, she values commitment and will want to win you over more.

Do Let Her Know You’re Thinking of Her

Surprise random texts let her know she’s in your thoughts and make her feel special.

This is something you want to save for after you’ve had a few short text conversations and she’s initiating most of the conversations.

Send her a photo of where you are in that moment and why it relates to her.


You send a photo of a decorative landscape elephant you happen to walk by with a text that says: Not pink but made me think about what you’re going to make me try Sunday ttys x


You send a photo of an empty lawn chair beside you with a text that says: Reserved for you if this pandemic ever ends ttys x

Hint: Never say anything like “this elephant/pig/rhino made me think of you!” Women will automatically think you’ve called them fat. No es bueno.

The “ttys x” suggests you’re not looking for a conversation and the “x” keeps it flirty.

What’s the Wingmam motto? Right! Always leave them wanting more.

Rule of thumb for how often to text her here (and in the playlist below).

Along the same lines of random surprises…

Do Send a Voice Message

Again, with this random “hello” you’re not trying to start a conversation, but to distinguish yourself from anyone else she’s texted with.

Most guys don’t do this, so it makes things exciting and adventurous for her and she associates that with you.

You can use either of the examples in #26 as a voice message instead of texting it.

Example (lighthearted, playful tone):

Your VM to her: I’m just walking by someone’s yard and there’s this elephant statue that made me think of what you’re going to make me eat on Sunday. I have a feeling you’re adventurous, should I be concerned? [chuckle] Anyway, Ashley, gotta go but wanted to hear your sexy voice, have a great day.

Again, if she’s keen on you, this will make her heart flutter.

Why The VM Works IF She’s Into You

This move is random, unexpected, bold, and specific to your interactions.

It also includes her favourite word (her name), compliments her in a non-friend-zone way (“sexy voice”) and again, clearly shows you’re not trying to initiate a convo which, yes, leaves her wanting more!

Don’t Wait Days to Text After a Date

There’s a big difference between her wonder if you like her and her thinking you don’t like her.

There’s no need for these kind of games unless you’re a player looking for something impermanent and meaningless.

Women who respond well to being disrespected, ignored or treated poorly are going to be damaged goods.

And the keepers will just move on the the other orbiters waiting in the wings.

Do Text, VM or Call After a Date



No matter how the real or virtual date went, follow up to make sure she got home safely.

It’s the gentlemanly think to do no matter if you ever want to see each other again.

Hint: If she was on the fence about you, this one thing may change her mind!

If it was a virtual date, send her a follow up virtual text or VM anyway. #humour

Virtual date example:

You (via text): Hey, Ashley, had a great time tonight. Did you get home safely? ;P Looking forward to a real date in the real world x


Include her name so she doesn’t mistakenly think you just went on a real date with someone else.

Send it right away after the date finishes, you don’t want her knowing you’re still thinking of her hours later (women are more attracted to men who’s feelings about them are uncertain).

Certainty of your next date shows you are interested in her. She needs to feel confident about initiating the next contact with you.

Don’t Initiate a Text Within 2 Hours of Your Bedtime

This doesn’t apply to those who’ve already been dating and intimate and/or for those who are only into hookups.

But if you’re actually looking for a potential longer term relationship and not just sex, then heed this “don’t.”

She needs to know you’ve got other things to do and that you’re not still thinking of her into the evening.

And, most text exchanges that start close to bedtime either become dull and boring or go to places you shouldn’t go yet — sexting.

Do Let Her Initiate Late Night Texts

Wait, what?

If she initiates, then go ahead and chat but…

…again, unless you just want a casual hookup, keep it short and sweet but…

…do be decisive about when your next convo will be.


You: Ashley, Ashley, Ashley… you’re keeping me up 😉 which I definitely don’t mind! But I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow, so let’s continue this convo tomorrow afternoon. Is that a yes, beautiful?
Her: Pout ;( k
You: xx

Do Keep Texting Fun & Flirty

Texting can get dull and boring even if you’re a perfect match in real life.

So you want to move things along to in-person get-togethers a-sap.

But what if you can’t because you’re in a quarantine or long distance situation?

You’ve got to be creative!

Make up or play games, not head games, to keep it interesting and keep her interested.

You can play the Spot the Fib game, where you make up two truths and a lie and she has to guess which is the fib.

Example (after you’ve told her the plot):

You: Which is the fib…
1. I once saved a cat in a tree
2. I’m a Big Brother volunteer
3. I play the guitar
Her: Ha! #1
You: Nope, none, actually. But a man’s got to have goals lol I did save my little brother from riding his bike into traffic once, does that count?
Her: No fair, you fibbed! But ok, you saved your little bro, I forgive you 😉
You: How about I learn to play the guitar to serenade you? Promise not to laugh at me?

The key is to be very very sneaky if you’re slipping any bragging into this game.

Women can sniff out bragging from far far away!

And do keep some sexual tension and flirting in all your texts or you’ll end up in the friend zone.

Bonus tip for when you’ve gotten to the point of “labelling the relationship.”

If you know neither of you is playing the field and you’re only seeing each other, even if you haven’t officially “had the talk”…

Start going through Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions (see playlist below), discussing one question per conversation.

The 36 questions are personal and meant to be asked in the order they’re listed in to advance into the more intimate, and therefore risky, topics.

You’ll find out a lot more about your potential love interest and the compatibility of a relationship with her as you open up to each other with your answers.

As promised, here’s the text you can send right now to a woman in your contacts list who maybe wasn’t interested in the past…

Real Life Text Example

Recently, I received this message via text:

Him: Hi Is this still Anna’s phone #?
Me: Yep! ☀️
Him: Awesome! I’m just dealing out my contacts if people don’t respond. How are you? Where are you these days? I hope you and your family are all well!

Why This Works

It’s a (seemingly) innocent and productive use of his time and shows he has standards for who he allows in his life.

Interestingly and funnily enough, I thought he was someone else with the same first name and it took 20 minutes of text conversation before we figured this out!

(I thought he was a REALTOR I know and I’ve been considering selling a rental property.)

Anyway, this is a super, sneaky-monkey way to get back in touch with women in your contacts who you’ve been out of touch with.

Their relationship situation or interest level may be different now than it was when you last chatted.

Try it. (But not with me.)

You’re welcome.

Attract a Woman Through Text Overview

Part 1: The Build Up…

Part 2: Bold Moves!

Part 3: Advanced Techniques 😉

Tips for Texting Women Playlist

If you have any comments on how to attract a woman through text, it helps me out a lot if you leave them on my newest released video on my YouTube channel.

xo AJ

Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions Playlist:

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)

Leave a Comment:

Bruce Wilson says June 10, 2020

Great ideas IF you are chatting with someone whose first language is English. If you are trying to attract someone who speaks another language, Your wittiness will fall flat because she may not get it. So the trick for me is to find out what some of the catchy phrases are in her language and then try your best to use them. She may laugh and find them cute but that is a good response.

She will also be impressed that you are trying hard enough to adapt to her language. That’s my experience.

Paul says June 13, 2020

This article was soo long it made “War and Peace” seem like a Cliff Note. Not to mention the 8 million things to do in order to get one lousy date with an entitled little princess. OMG, soo not worth all this effort.
I’m an older guy who grew up before all this texting nonsense started up, so I think I’ll stick to the good old telephone to contact women. If that’s too old school for her then the hell with her. Too many rules! It’s remarkable that anyone gets together for a date after all these ridiculous rules are considered. Time to simplify things. Life is too short for all these manipulative games.

    Anna Jorgensen says June 14, 2020

    Thanks for the feedback! I added a disclaimer near the beginning about the length of the post so others can simply skip to the end. These aren’t “rules” they’re suggestions. Take what feels right and leave the rest. Cheers and thanks for watching my videos! 🙂 AJ

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