Rekindle Sexual Passion

10 Steps to Rekindle Sexual Passion in a Relationship

Interestingly, I found this info on how to rekindle sexual passion in a book* by Christiane Northrup, M.D. about menopause which was thus borrowed from Dr. Patricia Love’s book, Hot Monogamy*!

Reality Land: Healthy, satisfying relationships are work and love isn’t enough to make a good relationship last.

It happens all the time, after a certain number of years, someone gets bored, and guess what guys, it’s usually the woman.

Men are hunters. Once they’ve caught their game, the chase is over.


If you want to keep a woman happy in a relationship, you’ve got to keep the charge alive by keep the chase alive—in you, for her.

Once you become complacent, it’s only a matter of time before she gets bored and starts slacking off in areas that you enjoy, like her health (read: body) and physical intimacy (read: sex).

Hot Monogamy

A woman needs continued emotional, intellectual and physical stimulus to stay attracted to her man.

Even though men also appreciate these aspects, they primarily need the woman to be ready, willing and able when he feels the urge to merge! 😉

While women are responsible for doing what they can do to keep the spice alive, there are things you can do to help her along and prevent your intimate life from stagnating…

Steps to Rekindle Sexual Passion

  1. Communication. The earlier you start and continue talking about your sex life the easier it’ll be to stay current on changing needs.
  2. Mood. As women get older, desire can wane. Understand spontaneity dwindles and scheduling time for intimacy is important. If your partner agrees intimacy is important to a relationship, see #1 for how to help her get in the mood.
    • Hint: Women require more than physical stimulation at the time to become sensually inspired. See #3.
  3. Intimacy. This is more than any physically intimate acts. Particularly older women and mothers need to feel understood, heard, seen and validated as a person / mother (not just intimate partner) to be able to get in the mood.
    • Hint: Sharing thoughts and feelings helps build intimacy.
  4. Technique. Knowing how to turn yourself on is critical to teaching your partner how to do so. At the same time, you’ll have to set ego/pride aside and learn what she prefers, not just what you think she wants.
  5. Variety. The same ole same ole gets stale ole stale ole with time. Switch something up! But not everything. Be creative either in what you try or where you try it. Refer back to #1 Communication, #3 Intimacy and #4 Technique.
    • Hint: Variety includes creating new stimuli elsewhere in her life as well.
  6. Romance. Knowing and actively expressing love in your partner’s love language adds points to the intimacy piggy bank.
    • Hint: Don’t get lazy and take her for granted! (Way too common. #divorce)
  7. Body image. Women are generally tougher on themselves about their bodies no matter how comfy you are with her body. Men are more visual and women know it. We compare ourselves to media images and after having kids to our former selves. Women need to feel comfortable in their birthday suits to enjoy physical intimacy. Compliment specific parts of her body you love and never compare her to anyone else, including her old self.
    • Hint: If this is a sticky point for her, refer back to #1 and let her know how important physical intimacy is to you and ask what would make her feel more comfortable and sexy, and specifically what you can do.
  8. Sensuality. This isn’t about s-e-x. This is about the whole aura around intimacy, from emotional to physical and everything in between. Use all the senses to help her get into her body (the feminine) and out of her head (the masculine). Whether this is preparing for date night or the happy ending to date night, focus on:
    • Sight: The ambiance of the room; lighting/candles; movies/stories etc.
    • Smell: Women’s sniffers are more sensitive; subtle cologne; clean sheets; good hygiene etc.; pheromones (buy ‘em if you must)!
    • Touch: Start away from the hot zones (T&A), ex. Hold her hand on the way to the restaurant, guide her by placing your hand on the small of her back; later, start slow with a massage; blind-folded feathering or guess-what-this-is; oral is your backup and never forget the clit! 😉
    • Taste: They say oyster or chocolate are aphrodisiacs, but kissing is usually the biggest winner. If you want to get creative (with permission), try flavoured oils or even go 9 1/2 weeks with food — bonus points if you agree in advance to be the janitor after.
    • Sound: Sensual music; phones and tech gadgets off; no kids around (huge distraction for women)! #mothermode
  1. Passion. When we love the person we lust for, passion is ignited. It may take time to rekindle the spark if you’ve neglected the last 8 points, but you can get there again if she’s willing.
    • Hint: You may need to negotiate her non-physical needs for her to want to support your physical needs. Sorry, respectful, fulfilling relationships aren’t unconditional, but they’re still worthwhile.)
      • Bonus tip 1: Passion is also contagious, so if you’re passionate about something in your life—that she hasn’t had to compete with!—this makes you more attractive to her.
      • Bonus tip 2: When you get passionate about something important to her, double point, Sir… which brings us to…
  2. Pleasure. In respect of #9, women are far more able to give and receive pleasure when their general needs are met. The two biggest blockers to her ability to have pleasure are anger and self-doubt/self-limitation. Help her meet those needs or see that those needs are being met and she can relax into pleasure mode.
    • Hint: Not sure what those are? If you have kids, guaranteed there’ll be something to help with in that topic. Otherwise, refer back to #1! Communication—ask her!

There are things she can do to help herself (if she wants to), but since you can only control yourself and you appreciate that power, use this list to start to rekindle the physical passion in your relationship.

More detail in the video, though I’m pretty sure you’re already ready, willing and wanting to watch this one!

If you want to know how to find, attract and/or keep a good woman, no matter what your relationship status, you’ll definitely benefit from my WakeUP2Luv program.

Get it here! And…you’re welcome. 😉

xo AJ

Mentioned in Video

*Links to Amazon pay me a referral fee if you buy something.


rekindle sexual passion

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  1. This is so frustrating to read. Meet. Sex is easy and plentiful. Women immediately start to add barriers to it being easy and plentiful. Men protest. Women say “fuck you” and add them anyway.

    It wasn’t easy and plentiful because of the ten PhD level work tasks. Women need to tell men wtf happened. They also need to listen to men’s protests early on.

    None of this explains why she demands all these things from you and then drops her pants in 15 seconds for another man. He is absolutely not meeting all these needs in her. Something else is obviously going on.

    Why don’t you talk about that? Reality.

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