Dating Again After a Divorce or Relationship Breakup
When it comes to dating again after a divorce, most men are at least a little hesitant, especially if you went through a nasty breakup or didn’t see it coming.
The first thing you should know about dating again after divorce is it’s natural to feel angry and to have your guard up a bit.
Even in the best case scenerio of an amicable split, if you were blindsided by it you’re going to lose trust in women and in yourself.
More on that in a moment.
And if your divorce or breakup was the furthest thing away from amicable, you’re probably still licking your wounds no matter how long it’s been.
Hesitation is Normal When Dating Again After Divorce
In the western world, men almost always get the short end of the stick when it comes to divorce.
The laws not only side with women but they’re also often unfairly and unlawfully weighted in women’s favour.
And a lot of women know this and take advantage of you and the system when things head south.
No two ways about it, fellas, that sucks. No wonder you’re hesitant.
And that’s only part of why I acknowledge love is the greatest risk of all.
But if you’re lonely and want more than unfulfilling hookups or a blow up doll—if you do want to settle down again without settling—my tips for dating again after divorce or relationship breakup will help you.
First, fair warning, you may not like some of the information I’m about to share, but if you keep an open mind it will help you.
Let’s go over the three As of dating again after a divorce or relationship breakup.
The 3 A’s of Dating Again
When I talk about acceptance, I mean two things: accepting what happened; and accepting women’s nature.
Accepting What Happened
When you come out of a breakup, especially if you’re the one who got left, there are several stages to healing which can be similar to when a partner dies. (See Lost Love video below.)
There’s disbelief, sadness, anger amongst other emotions.
You can’t believe it happened; you’re sad it happened; and you’re angry it happened.
Many men want to replace those uncomfortable and unpleasant feelings with another woman as soon as possible.
But you would do yourself a favour if you allowed yourself to move through these emotions before seriously dating again.
More on why you want to heal a bit first, momentarily, but first let’s talk about…
Accepting Female Nature
I won’t go into detail on this one because I’ve covered it a lot in my hypergamy playlist and why she pulls away videos and in a lot more detail in my WakeUP2Luv program.
But, if you want to have a successful relationship, you must accept men and women are different in some key areas.
There are some things a woman needs from you in a relationship, just like you have needs in a relationship.
To have the best chance of finding, attracting and keeping a keeper, you’ll need to accept what happened, move past it, and accept relationships require ongoing maintenance.
Which brings us to the next touchy area… (don’t shoot the messenger!)
I mentioned that not only have you likely lost trust in women but you’ve also lost trust in yourself.
Here’s what I mean…and this one may be a hard pill to swallow but will help you the most in your future relationships.
Please remember, I’m sharing this info to help you have a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with the kind of woman who will make the effort worth it.
If she left you out of the blue you’ll probably wonder what signs you missed along the way.
But if she acted horribly and the end was inevitable, you’ll probably wonder why you ignored the red flags in the beginning and throughout your relationship.
The good news is when you take responsibility for what you can—even if that’s only in your faulty filtering process—you regain some of your power.
The power to better discern and make different choices in the future if presented with familiar evidence.
In other words, let’s look at the where you thought things were fine.
If you choose to look for evidence that you were ignoring signs of her discontent, you’ll be better able to catch it in the future.
- Maybe she nagged you to do things with her you had no interest in, so you always declined.
- Or she said you weren’t romantic anymore and because she didn’t make a specific request you brushed it off as PMS.
- Or you got fat or no longer complimented her or whatever.
Because you were comfortable in the relationship, you assumed she was, too, and so you didn’t try, anymore.
Just like your vehicle requires maintenance and your home and your big boy toys, so do relationships.
If you don’t maintain them, they deteriorate.
And sometimes, yes, you can do everything right and it still doesn’t work out and that sucks.
But what if you…
Saw It Coming a Mile Away
In this case, where you get to take responsibility is in choosing poorly.
I’ve said it in many videos, attraction does not equal compatibility and hotness does not equal high value.
If she was really nasty during the breakup or leading up to it, there were red flags early on you ignored.
Most good men don’t take the red flags seriously enough because they can never imagine doing those terrible things to another person.
So they chalk it up to her having a bad day. But bad days that run together for weeks, months or years are a personality problem not a bad day.
And if you saw the red flags as the clear and present danger they were and still ignored them, you need to ask yourself why you did that.
- Were you hoping your love could fix her?
- Was loneliness a less desirable alternative?
- Did she feel compellingly familiar—like the parent you need the most love from but didn’t get?
If you’ve taken my WakeUP2Luv program, you may know the answer to these questions.
And if you haven’t taken WakeUP2Luv, you’ll want to check it out!
It also provides the steps to take to ensure you don’t choose poorly again if you did, which brings us to the third A.
The good news is if you’ve been in a relationship, you already know how to talk to women, go on dates and close the deal.
And while you may be reasonably hesitant on who you let in your life, you know you already have the ability to find and attract a woman.
So, now when you go out there in the world—online or in real life—you just need to be more proactive about meeting more women and filtering better.
If the woman who left you was actually pretty amazing, you know what you want.
And if she was the devil in the flesh, then you definitely know what you do not want. Do not pass go, just go, lady, go!
Know What You Really Want
I recommend narrowing your dealbreaker / dealmaker list down to five critical things.
Those five things are different for everyone and often not what you think they are!
If you’ve chosen poorly once or more, my WakeUP2Luv program will walk you through a process to figure out what you really want so you don’t keep going for what you think you want and end up frustrated, hurt or heartbroken again.
So, you put yourself out there in the world with an open heart but taking your head with you.
This could be the year you find your right one. May she deserve you!
Thanks for being here and God bless!