If you want to know how to find the right woman online you’ve got to know what the right woman is for you.
Have you given that any real thought?
Or are you basing your quest on profile photos and minimal signs of craziness in her profile?
Unfortunately, most men default to the latter.
Several years ago I had a conversation with Jane, the founder and owner of Matchmaker for Hire and, obviously, a matchmaker.
“What’s a woman’s selection process?” Jane asks me. “Her journey to find the right guy to date.”
She tells me, “The biggest complaint in the real world of dating is about the journey to finding that right person. What brings a woman to choose that guy and what brought him to choose her?”
I pondered, “Hmm. What did I do?”
These are the five deal-makers (/breakers), must-haves (/must-not-haves) in a mate.
If any one of these qualities is missing, I’d choose to be single foreverrr (but still happy, people!) rather than settle.
Once upon a time not that long ago, while working through this Top Five process with a client, I suddenly figured out why my marriage to Good Man, who seemed to meet my Top Five, hadn’t worked out.
(We amicably divorced many years ago, see memoir.)
When I realized it was my Top Five that had changed, I called a friend, “My number four isn’t ‘he adores me’! I got over that need years ago.
Intellectual stimulation! He adored me but didn’t stimulate me! Dealbreaker.”
Her reply, “Breakthrough!”
And a big relief because I’d thought there was something wrong with me—aside from all my (self-)acceptable “flaws.”
So I took myself through my own process (step-by-step details in my WakeUP2Luv video program) and figured out my true Top Five.
No matter how sexy his photo / profile / bio was or how many intellectual books he read.
I read profiles before I made contact or replied.
And I didn’t discount a potential mate who met my Top Five even if he wasn’t Gerard Butler‘s stunt double. 😉
I committed to “window shopping” and dating.
Making it a priority with the same amount of time I’d have, or make available, for a potentially permanent Plus One.
This means that if there are more options—women interested in dating you—than you have time for, then you go to your secondary list to narrow it down.
With the number of provocative photos of woman online, multiple options invariably happens more for/to women than men.
Experience has shown the idea of “building a relationship” before meeting is a risk—ask me about Mountain Jim.
There are built-up expectations, hopes, dreams, blah blah blah yada yada.
Simply a bad idea. (Unless, it’s an “arranged marriage.” But that’s a whole other blog.)
AJ Prevention RX: Talk on the phone ASAP and, if that goes well, then meet pronto quicko via FaceTime if nothing else.
For me, the process wasn’t different in the real world except in the real world I knew right away if there was mutual physical attraction.
You have to be able to imagine kissing the person without a no-way-José reaction, which for women has less to do with looks than connection and chemistry.
(Next week’s blog is on sexual chemistry vs emotional connection. Subscribe so you don’t miss it!)
I found out within the first meet-‘n-greet (or sooner) if a man met my Top Five because I brought it up y’all—crazy tactic!
But I brought it up in a way that was fun, light-hearted and flirty …
In other words: don’t scare the fish off the line before you know if she’s a keeper.
The key is keeping the fun in it all!
Most people go to work and put in their eight hours a day… unless there’s a pandemic!
Sometimes, they like the job; sometimes they don’t. But if they don’t work, they don’t eat.
If you don’t date, there’s a good chance you will stay single and eat alone.
So a key point if you want to know how to find the right woman online is to date more but filter better.
Want more specific help with online dating?
My Double Your Online Dating video training is short, sweet and cheap! (But valuable!)
Or take a deep dive into understanding women (and yourself) with my WakeUP2Luv program.
But first, a video playlist about Online Dating!
Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)