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How To Find The Right Woman Online

How to Find The Right Woman Online

If you want to know how to find the right woman online you’ve got to know what the right woman is for you.

Have you given that any real thought?

Or are you basing your quest on profile photos and minimal signs of craziness in her profile?

Unfortunately, most men default to the latter.

A Snippet of a Conversation with a Matchmaker

Several years ago I had a conversation with Jane, the founder and owner of Matchmaker for Hire and, obviously, a matchmaker.

“What’s a woman’s selection process?” Jane asks me. “Her journey to find the right guy to date.”

She tells me, “The biggest complaint in the real world of dating is about the journey to finding that right person. What brings a woman to choose that guy and what brought him to choose her?”

I pondered, “Hmm. What did I do?”

How Did I Determine Potentially Dateable Dudes …

First, I knew my “Top Five”

These are the five deal-makers (/breakers), must-haves (/must-not-haves) in a mate.

If any one of these qualities is missing, I’d choose to be single foreverrr (but still happy, people!) rather than settle.

Side story:

Once upon a time not that long ago, while working through this Top Five process with a client, I suddenly figured out why my marriage to Good Man, who seemed to meet my Top Five, hadn’t worked out.

(We amicably divorced many years ago, see memoir.)

When I realized it was my Top Five that had changed, I called a friend, “My number four isn’t ‘he adores me’! I got over that need years ago.

Intellectual stimulation! He adored me but didn’t stimulate me! Dealbreaker.”

Her reply, “Breakthrough!”

And a big relief because I’d thought there was something wrong with me—aside from all my (self-)acceptable “flaws.”

So I took myself through my own process (step-by-step details in my WakeUP2Luv video program) and figured out my true Top Five.

Top 5 Makes How to Find the Right Woman Online Easier!

Because you…

  1. know what you want.
  2. put what you want in your dating site profile/s (women who read can filter you out!)
  3. know what you don’t want.
  4. put what you don’t want in your dating site profiles (same deal: women can filter you out.)
  5. limit the list to five things (lest we scare away a potential right catch—which is not to be confused with a catch with potential!)

Secondly, I only engaged with a potential “prospect” that met my Top Five.

No matter how sexy his photo / profile / bio was or how many intellectual books he read.

I read profiles before I made contact or replied.

And I didn’t discount a potential mate who met my Top Five even if he wasn’t Gerard Butler‘s stunt double. 😉

Thirdly, I dedicated a certain amount of time to online dating

I committed to “window shopping” and dating.

Making it a priority with the same amount of time I’d have, or make available, for a potentially permanent Plus One.

This means that if there are more options—women interested in dating you—than you have time for, then you go to your secondary list to narrow it down.

With the number of provocative photos of woman online, multiple options invariably happens more for/to women than men.

Finally, I didn’t waste time dilly dallying.

Experience has shown the idea of “building a relationship” before meeting is a risk—ask me about Mountain Jim.

There are built-up expectations, hopes, dreams, blah blah blah yada yada.

Simply a bad idea. (Unless, it’s an “arranged marriage.” But that’s a whole other blog.)

AJ Prevention RX: Talk on the phone ASAP and, if that goes well, then meet pronto quicko via FaceTime if nothing else.

For me, the process wasn’t different in the real world except in the real world I knew right away if there was mutual physical attraction.

You have to be able to imagine kissing the person without a no-way-José reaction, which for women has less to do with looks than connection and chemistry.

(Next week’s blog is on sexual chemistry vs emotional connection. Subscribe so you don’t miss it!)

I found out within the first meet-‘n-greet (or sooner) if a man met my Top Five because I brought it up y’all—crazy tactic!

But I brought it up in a way that was fun, light-hearted and flirty …

In other words: don’t scare the fish off the line before you know if she’s a keeper.

Hint: She’s evaluating you, too.

The key is keeping the fun in it all!

Most people go to work and put in their eight hours a day… unless there’s a pandemic!

Sometimes, they like the job; sometimes they don’t. But if they don’t work, they don’t eat.

If you don’t date, there’s a good chance you will stay single and eat alone.

So a key point if you want to know how to find the right woman online is to date more but filter better.

How to Find the Right Woman Online Takeaways:

  1. Figure out your Top Five deal-makers/breakers.
  2. Filter! Filter filter filter!
  3. Dedicate time to “dumpster diving”—there must be a diamond in there somewhere.
  4. Meet ‘n greet a-sap!
  5. Your mate-finding mantra: dating is fun, dang it!

Want more specific help with online dating?

My Double Your Online Dating video training is short, sweet and cheap! (But valuable!)

Or take a deep dive into understanding women (and yourself) with my WakeUP2Luv program.


But first, a video playlist about Online Dating!


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  1. I get a chuckle out of how your “list of quals” has gone from well over a hundred in your book to five now!
    But, what you are advising is sound advice. And I especially appreciate how you are emphasizing certain “action items”: #1know who you are and what you want #2 get out there and date #3 date a variety of people #4 do the face-to-face sooner than later #5 assess a potential mate in the first five minutes of meeting.
    I also like the “dumpster diving” tactic! I like to repeat what the philosopher Forrest Gump said – “Life is like a box of chocolates … you never know what you’re going to get!”
    So … thanks for the continuing pearls of wisdom Anna!

  2. This sounds like a detective story. If I where Sherlock Holmes I’d slove this in no time. Anna you could be my Watson. What do you say. Not interested (?) Just kidding of course you are 😉 we’ll start soon, stay tooned. Loved the video and you looked marvelous

  3. First, let me say that you set a pretty high bar, Anna! If I weren’t happily married, you’d be at the top of my maybe list!.
    My real question is: is there a sequence to read the blog entries? Ideally, two lists: the reading sequence and the date written. (Or am I just dense?)
    Thanks, and keep up the good work. Where were you when i was searhing the first time?

  4. Hi Anna …

    Something you might want to consider doing is, not only making the top 5 list, but also converting your 5 dealbreakers into being stated in the positive. As an example … instead of saying that you don’t want a smoker, say you want a non-smoker. The problem with stating something in the negative is that you may see it as something you don’t want, but because it dwells in there that way, the universe will give you what you don’t want

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