Write-In Question From a YouTube Viewer
Warning: Potential Trigger Warning. If you have PTSD or have suffered depression or the loss of a loved one to suicide, this may not be a post for you to read.
Disclaimer: I’m not a shrink. My response is based on my own ideas and experiences in life. Read at own risk. You are responsible for what you take from this.
Todd The Triumphant writes …
Wingmam, I tried my best to keep this as short as possible: I’ll try to keep this as simple as possible.
My ex left me 3 months ago, after a year of dating and living together. I, myself, lived with PTSD, anxiety and anger. Before we began dating, I made my ex aware of all of these things including the parts that contributed to my previous relationships ending.
She accepted me, and we were great together. We both wanted the same things in life, enjoyed a lot of the same things and spent time together almost every day. I had a really bad anger episode one night in the middle of our relationship where I mistreated our dog poorly. I feel terrible for how I acted, and it took her sometime to forgive me for it, though she held onto some of the resentment.
She stuck by my side through everything and always supported me and loved me. I did the same for her.
I had a rough episode of depression one afternoon in March of this year and was Baker Acted for a night; she was really concerned about me. We got through it and still continued to enjoy our time together.
She would always tell me that she misses me throughout the day, how she couldn’t wait to come home to spend time with me and always told me that she loved me.
Well, a few weeks before we broke up, her grandfather committed suicide. It took a huge toll on her, more so once her grandmother told her that he did it because she and the rest of the grandkids never came to visit them.
After that she completely changed, and shortly after, she left me.
We were very talkative after the breakup, and she would come visit me sometimes. We even went hiking one afternoon where she told me that she’s been self-medicating with marijuana on a daily, heavy basis. She seemed to be really depressed and told me that she still deals with the suicide and her daddy issues.
I was there for her anytime she needed me after the breakup, and I would tell her that I love her and still care for her. I would tell her I miss her, even after her random date to which she said she missed me, too.
Her father recently found out he has stage four lung cancer, and since then, she’s been distant, even angry, with me at times. I haven’t heard from her in almost two weeks, but the last time I did hear from her, she told me she was sorry for being rude/mean to me and said she hoped I was doing okay.
Sorry to make it so long ― that’s the short version. I left out a lot of small details, but I guess I need to know what to do. I definitely miss her and want her back, but I’ve been trying to practice the whole no contact thing.
She told me after the relationship ended that I was the best partner she has ever had.
Holy shit, right, guys? My heart breaks for all the people involved in this story.
My response is in the video. Please send loving, healing vibes or prayers or kind thoughts to these folks.
xo AJ
It sounds like they had a great physical relationship, but they didn’t really connect on a personal level. The communication between the two of them wasn’t there previously, but the separation seems to have bridged some of their barriers. He should reach out and check on her. She’s waiting on him to reach out and help through all her family concerns.
Thanks for the comment, Jim. These two have had a lot of water under the bridge (and over it for that matter). Given what she’s been through, I doubt very much she’d been waiting for him to step up and rescue her or help her through this.
She’s more likely wading through the thick mud of the emotional aftermath and not thinking of “them” at all. She’s just surviving the grief (trust me, I know!).
However, I do agree that he should reach out and let her know that he’s there for her IF and when she’s ready, no pressure. Leave the door open but don’t try to pull her through it.