Find The Right Guy on a Dating Site – Really?
“What’s your selection process?” Jane asks me the other day. “Your journey to help women find the the right guy on a dating site?”
Jane is a matchmaker.
She tells me, “The biggest complaint in the real world of dating is about the journey to finding that right person.”
I wrote the book on how to be successful in online dating. (Links at end of post.)
Here’s what I shared with Jane…
How to Find the Right Guy on a Dating Site
First, know your “Top Five”—the five deal-makers (/breakers), must-haves (/must-not-haves) in a mate.
Part of how to find the right guy on a dating is the mindset of: if any one of these qualities is missing you’d rather choose to be single foreverrr rather than settle.
Side story:
Once upon a time not that long ago, while working through my Top Five process with a client, I suddenly figured out why my marriage to Good Man, who seemed to meet my Top Five, hadn’t worked out. (We amicably divorced 10 years ago.)
I realized that my Top Five had changed!
So, I called a friend right after the session: “My number four isn’t ‘he adores me’! I got over that need years ago.
I need intellectual stimulation! He adored me but didn’t stimulate me! Dealbreaker.”
Breakthrough!
And a big relief because I’d thought there was something wrong with me—aside from all my (self-) acceptable (adorable?) “flaws.”
So I took myself through my own Top Five process (in my soon-to-be-released WakeUP2Luv self-study at-home-in-your-pjs program) and figured out my true Top Five.
Filtering is easy if you —
- know what you really want;
- put what you want in your dating site profiles (men who read can filter you out!);
- know what you don’t want;
- put what you don’t want in you dating site profile/s playfully (people are sensitive to negatives);
- limit the list to five things (lest you scare away a potential right catch)!
Additional Tips for Finding the Right Guy on a Dating Site
- Only engage with a potential “prospect” that meets your Top Five no matter how sexy his photo is, which means read profiles before making contact or replying.
- Don’t discount a potential mate that meets your Top Five even if he’s not Gerard Butler’s stunt double.
- Dedicate a certain amount of time to “window shopping” and to dating—the same amount of time you’d have, or make available, for a potentially permanent Plus One.
- This means that if there are more options—men interested in dating you—than you have time for, then go to your secondary list to narrow it down.
- Don’t be afraid to be the one to initiate contact first!
- Finally, experience has shown that the idea of “building a relationship” before meeting is a huge risk.
There is too much at stake: built-up expectations, hopes, dreams, blah blah blah yada yada.
Simply a bad idea. (Unless, it’s an “arranged marriage.” But that’s a whole other blog.)
AJ Prevention RX: Talk on the phone ASAP and, if that goes well, then meet pronto.
Take These Tips into the Real World
How to find the right guy on a dating site isn’t much different than in the real world with one big exception…
In the real world you know right away if there’s zero physical attraction.
- You really do have to be able to imagine kissing the other person without a vomitous reaction, which has less to do with looks than connection and chemistry.
- Find out within the first meet-‘n-greet if he meets your Top Five bring it up y’all—crazy tactic!
- But bring it up in a way that is fun, light-hearted and flirty … in other words: don’t scare the fish off the line before you know if he’s a keeper.
Hint: He’s evaluating you, too, but if he’s still there after a few moments, he’s attracted.
The key is keeping the fun in it all!
Most people go to work and put in their 8 hours a day.
Sometimes they like the job; sometimes they don’t. But if they don’t work, they don’t eat.
If you don’t date, there’s a good chance you will stay single and eat alone. So date more but filter better.
The Takeaways:
- Figure out your Top Five deal-makers/breakers.
- Filter! Filter filter filter!
- Dedicate time to “dumpster diving”—there must be a diamond in there somewhere.
- Meet ‘n greet a-sap!
- Our mate-finding mantra: dating is fun, damn it!
Xo
Anna
P.S. My WakeUP2Luv program will help you narrow down your real top 5 (hint: they’re different than you think)!
P.P.S. If you want to be a Sexy(r) Goddess attracting your stud my ebooks are here. They’re short, funny and, best of all, free!