How to Resolve Conflict With An Angry Woman!
If you’ve ever dated or been in a romantic relationship you’ve definitely wondered how to resolve conflict with an angry woman.
Is there really a way to fight nice while also being effective in conflict resolution?
Yes!
It’s also a strategy to use to get more of what you want from her! 😉 😉
Warning: Only use for good. Do not use to manipulate!
At the same time, some women do use it as a trap.
And in that case, getting involved means you’re going to get the short end of the stick.
Not to mention a lot of emotional distress.
So you need to know if it’s genuine, or if it’s a warning sign for you to run for the hills.
And I’ll tell you how you can do this later because you do not want to get this wrong.
Until then, let me show you the secret formula for how to resolve conflict with an angry woman.
How to Resolve Conflict With An Angry Woman
Ok, before we get started know that, according to John Gottman, a renown expert in relationship psychology, and author of several amazing books on the topic…
Up to 69% of all relationship conflicts never get resolved.
That’s right, most of what you fight about never gets resolved.
You can certainly reduce that stat if you choose well, but even if you choose the perfect-for-you partner, you’re still going to face conflict at some point.
That’s the reality of relationships!
But if you want to have the best chance of a satisfying relationship let’s learn how to resolve conflict with an angry woman in a way that will actually bring you closer together.
Obviously, with whole books written on conflict management, this vlog would be too long to go into all the details.
So, we’ll focus on the best actionable strategy for how to resolve conflict with an angry woman… The Love Sammich.
AJ Side Note:
Just before we get into that, this video is for men who are courting, dating or in a relationship with a woman romantically, but The Love Sammich can be modified to suit any conflict resolution and to get more of what you want from others.
After I give you the L Sammich, I’ll let you know which situations it doesn’t apply to—these are the situations where you should either ignore her or even walk away.
So stay tuned for that, but first let’s look at The Love Sammich recipe.
Love Sammich Recipe
First, prep the kitchen.
You cannot make a Love Sammich when the kitchen is on fire.
In other words, this strategy won’t be nearly as effective when either or both of you is in a raging inferno of emotions.
When people are emotionally triggered they cannot think rationally and only hear the first eight seconds of whatever the other person is saying before automatically mentally launching into either defence or offence.
You must wait until you are both in a calm and open state. This might mean sleeping on it.
So, now that you’re both calm.
Start with a Slice of Love
Open the conversation with something loving, validating or positive about your partner.
Key point!
This must be something sincere!
The best slices of love, in order of effectiveness are (image you are receiving this from your partner):
- Agreeing with something your partner said.
- Validating her feelings about something your partner said.
- Sharing something you appreciate about your partner.
If you make it a desired goal to find something to agree with in what she said—and there will be something—she will feel understood and act less defensive and/or offensive.
Key point!
You have a 1000x greater chance of resolving conflict with anyone when they feel understood.
Just like you know if you don’t feel understood you keep offering up information and evidence.
Key point!
None of us is particularly good at accepting logic that doesn’t support our beliefs and biases, but women are particularly sensitive to needing understanding when triggerd.
If you watched my video on the 5 Phrases You Should Never Say to An Angry Woman, you’ll know why that is.
Which is also why, if you can’t bring yourself to agree with something in her argument, you must be able to validate her feelings.
I’ll give examples in a minute.
Finally, if you can’t do either of those things—which you would really benefit from working on—then share something you genuinely appreciate about her, preferably related to the issue at hand.
Example
You’re fighting about her nagging you to clean up after yourself.
Again, stick with me for when to ignore her or walk away, but for now let’s assume that’s not the case.
You fought last night and agreed to discuss it today when you’ve both had some time to calm down.
Key point!
Ideally, you’re in a relationship where you can both agree to spend this cooling off time looking for reasons the other person’s argument is right in some way!
I know, that’s not most people, but you can get there, eventually.
Just imagine how much more open you’d be if your partner came to you and said, “Here’s where I think you’re right.”
Am I right?
Anyway, you open with something like—
“I do leave my stinky socks all over the place.” (Agreeing: BEST!)
Or
“I understand why you’re frustrated about picking up my smelly socks.” (Validating feelings: 2nd Prize.)
Or
“I’m grateful for all the extra things you do around the home and I should tell you that more often.” (Appreciation. Bronze metal still counts.)
Follow this up with The Ask
What’s The Ask, you say?
This is the filling of The Love Sammich; the discussion about the conflict.
You ask for:
- What you need.
- What she needs.
- How you can help each other get your respective needs met.
This stage requires a shit ton of patience and active listening!
Key point!
Active listening means trying to understand the other person, not mentally preparing your rebuttal.
It means paraphrasing the other person’s words so they know you understand them.
And it means doing this from a place of being on the same team! #TeamMATE
Yep, I know this isn’t easy.
We were never taught how to fight nice and most of us didn’t have the best role models.
Plus, the biggest obstacle of all, we all have sensitive egos and pride and are afraid if we give an inch, they’ll take a country mile.
But fighting nice doesn’t mean being a doormat or giving in on things that are important to you.
In fact, if you learn to fight nice, you’ll get a lot more of what’s important to you—in a way that doesn’t make your team MATE feel penalized.
Example of The Ask
“It’s easier for me to put my socks in the hamper when it’s close to where I change not in the laundry room stacked with folded clothes on top that I get in trouble for moving…
I know that’s extra effort for you, but it would make it a lot easier for me to give you what you need…
…will you do that for me?”
Relationships require some compromise, whether you’re the stinky sock litterer or the picker upper of said socks.
A bonus phrase to add includes a “how can I help you help me?” statement.
Example
“Is there something I can do to ensure the hamper is in the bathroom (or closet or wherever is close to where you disrobe) instead of it being in the laundry room?”
She may forget it there because some other task gets in the way.
Be solution-oriented! Where there’s a team will, there’s a way.
When you both feel you’ve done what you can with this discussion, either agree to continue another specific time—more on that in a minute—or close with another… Slice of Love!
This step is important!
How you gonna eat a sammich without the other slice?
And then I’ll share when to ignore her or even walk away.
The Final Slice of Love
This can be the same as the first slice! See how easy I make life for you. 😉 (You’re welcome.)
- Agreeing with something said.
- Validating feelings.
- Verbal or physical appreciation.
Example
This can be as simple as, “Thank you” or “I love you” or “We good?”
And/or a warm hug, whatever feels right for your relationship.
If you follow The Love Sammich strategy, your conflict should now be a discussion or even possibly resolved.
When you close the discussion with another slice of love, you should both feel emotionally closer and more intimately bonded.
You may also end up having some dynamite makeup sex!
Remember, there’s a big difference between manipulation and positive persuasion!
Manipulation is a win-lose; positive persuasion is a win-win.
Speaking of which…
When to Ignore or Walk Away
As promised, now let me tell you when resolving conflict with an angry woman isn’t worth it or even advisable.
Whaaat?
Yes!
If she’s really damaged goods or she’s just testing you, you may not have to get into the Love Sammich strategy.
In fact, if it’s a test, you shouldn’t waste your energy on The Love Sammich strategy because you’ll just end up looking weak.
Unless she’s truly a masculine and/or dominant woman, looking weak or submissive to her will lose her respect.
And as you know, if you’ve been watching my videos, no respect = no sexual attraction.
But how do you know if it’s a test or if she’s serious?
You will definitely want to watch my video: 10 Tips to Know if It’s a Test or If She’s Serious (And Why She Tests You)!
These 10 tips are crucial for your relationship success.
Unless you know them things can go terribly wrong.
You could miss out on a great relationship.
Or you could play into the wrong woman’s hands and end up getting badly hurt.
Yet when you know them you’ll dodge the potential bullets and find your sweet heart.
So watch that video below!
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