The reason why women test you may surprise you and will help you answer the question: Is she testing or is she serious?
You’ll also learn why being tested is actually a good thing!
Before we dive into is she testing or is she serious, we need to do a quick review of why women test you to begin with.
Biologically, men are physically stronger than women.
The extra testosterone you marinaded in while in your mother’s womb caused you to have denser muscle mass than if you were born a biological female.
Due to testosterone and its derivatives, you’re bigger, stronger, more aggressive and overall hornier.
You’re built to protect, provide for and procreate, which is most relevant to why women test you.
Since women weren’t as physically able to protect themselves, they’ve developed a psychological means of protection—the shit test.
She tests you to see if you…
Women’s primary need is to feel safe, physically and emotionally.
A woman met a guy who’d been fired from his job without just cause.
He admitted he had a legit claim against the company, but didn’t want to “bother” fighting for it because he didn’t like conflict.
He’d been out of work for a few months, was broke and didn’t have another job to go to.
Women automatically use your proven actions to imagine what you’d be like to be with in a long term relationship.
Your past may not equal your future, but it’s all she has to go on. You probably do the same! (Or maybe should.)
If he wouldn’t stand up for himself even when not doing so would cause strife, she can’t trust him to stand up for her, or their future children, when it’d be warranted.
She has no choice but to believe he might rather put them in the dog house or make her pick up the slack rather than deal with an unpleasant situation.
She lost respect for him but still liked him so she unconsciously tested him to see if this was a one-off situation or if he really was spineless.
In other words, she was giving him an opportunity to prove his past wouldn’t equal his future.
If the word “spineless” triggers you, this may be an area you need to look at. Please don’t shoot the messenger (me)!
Unfortunately, he always agreed with everything she said and folded like a paper napkin at the slightest sign of disagreement or discord aka her tests.
This made her test him more, giving him plenty of chances to show an assertive, masculine alpha side that would make her feel safe.
But he was just “too nice.”
If you’ve been called too nice, you’ll want to watch my Why Nice Guys Get Rejected video.
If a woman asks a man, “Do you have a backbone?” most men will say they do because they desperately want that to be true.
What man will admit to not having a backbone?
Almost none, in the hopes he can prove otherwise to himself if not her.
Women don’t consciously think about any of this, but they do innately feel it when alpha masculinity is lacking.
Because actions do speak louder than words and women trust your actions.
And because men are bigger, stronger and more aggressive than women biologically, in general, women can’t automatically trust men.
Rape is real, fellas. (It happened to me. And no, not the #metoo, “Oops, I regret that” kind, which I do not classify as nonconsensual sex.)
So, if you want to have a healthy, happy relationship, you need to understand her point of view (and yes, she needs to understand yours, too).
Imagine how you’d feel if you lived in a world with no women but instead half the population are horny, aggressive, gay AF linebackers who are 30% bigger and stronger than you and they want to *bleep* you and there are a whole lotta stats showing they take advantage of men like you without your consent.
That’s the equivalent of how women experience the world.
We really do live in a constant state of caution for our personal safety.
If a woman feels safe enough to be alone with you at all, that’s major!
That’s why, if you handle her test effectively, she will respect you—maybe not right in that instant, but she’ll come around and feel safe with you and then back off the tests—unless she’s emotionally damaged.
If she doesn’t respect you, she can’t be sexually attracted to you.
So, look at shit tests as opportunities to do two things:
Remember, if she’s testing you that’s actually a good sign—it means you have a chance to avoid the friend zone!
The best way to know if she’s testing or serious is how she responds to you handling her test well and whether or not she’s emotionally damaged.
If you handle the test well, she will back off.
Maybe not right away if she’s been triggered but she’ll want to reconvene to discuss further at a time when you’re not both in the heat of the moment.
Or she may calm down and be able to discuss what’s bothering her right in the moment.
We all have triggers, no matter how emotionally healthy we are. And none of us are mind-readers, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Here’s the thing… even if she is emotionally damaged, she may be serious about what’s bothering her, but that doesn’t mean she’s right.
Yes, yes, we all have valid feelings, but sometimes you’re better off to walk away from a woman, especially one you can never make happy; or one who can never be happy with you or anyone.
Read that again.
If she has a lot of the qualities in my She’s a Keeper IF… video and few of the Red Flags traits in that video, and she’s visibly upset or brings up the situation again, then it’s a legit gripe you should seriously and tenderly discuss.
But, if it’s the opposite situation where she has few of the keeper qualities and a lot of red flags, then even if she is serious, you’d do well to consider why you want to be with her.
Because a woman who is constantly testing even when you’re handling those tests well, might be unconsciously sabotaging the relationship.
And if you stay for that kind of treatment without doing anything different, you are responsible for sabotaging yourself.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
If you are constantly being tested by women, you’ll want to watch those videos now.
Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)