Warning, Dude! 5 Things You MUST Know Before Dating a Single Mom!

5 Things You MUST Know Before Dating a Single Mom!

These 5 things you must know before dating a single mom will save you a lifetime of pain and suffering!

Just the Tip #1

If she’s a good mom, you will never be her top priority.

Just the Tip #2

If she’s not a good mom, she’s not a keeper!

Okay, so what’s a guy to do if you’ve met an amazing girl who you think could be the one but she’s got a kid?

If you don’t want to end up heartbroken or just broke AF there are things you must know before dating a single mom.

I’ll give you the list and then go through each with REAL LIFE examples.

Don’t Date a Single Mother Without Knowing…

  1. You’re not her priority.
  2. Crappy moms are low value.
  3. It’s a package deal.
  4. You’re not the daddy.
  5. Her baby’s daddy is part of the package.
  6. There’s one time a single mom is better than a woman without a kid.
  7. Timing is important.
  8. If she has these 2 qualities, she’s worth considering.
  9. If she does “this” with you it’s a green flag!
  10. If she does “this” with the baby daddy, pay attention!

Just the Tip #1

You’re not her priority.

Single moms give more attention to their kids.

They have to, kids require a lot of attention just to keep the little beasts alive and unharmed.

Real Life Example

It’s Friday night and you want to hang out and get busy, it’s your date night after all.

But she’s got an early morning because there’s a bake sale for little Johnny to be able to go to summer camp.

No sex for you tonight, Sir!

But that’s actually a good thing because…

Just the Tip #2

Crappy moms are low value.

If she doesn’t care about the well-being of her own offspring, Dude, she can’t care about you.

A woman who doesn’t instinctively care for her kids is damaged goods.

Full stop, no apologies.

Real Life Example

She skips the bake sale to spend the night with you.

Little Johnny is disappointed, misses band camp, resents you and grows up to be a hooligan who talks back and wrecks your car.

Just the Tip #3

It’s a package deal.

Even if she is a good mom and good woman (not one and the same btw), she’s coming with baggage.

Sure, we all have some unresolved issues, but with single moms it’s amplified.

There’s the burden of the extra needs kids require and the the baggage of what didn’t work out with the baby daddy, whether or not he’s a good guy.

Unless he died of honourable or even neutral cause, there’s a backstory to why that relationship didn’t work out and she’s at least partly to blame.

Either she chose poorly or she treated him poorly.

If she can’t own up to her part, that’s a red flag!

Real Life Example

She feels guilty about the break up and is always talking crap about her ex…

…even if he wasn’t all that bad…

…even if he was all the bad!

So, you don’t just have little Johnny in the picture but the memories and stories of Little Johnny’s dad.

Which brings us to…

Just the Tip #4

You’re not my daddy!

Kids require discipline to grow in the right direction.

But you’re not that kid’s dad so for awhile your opinion is not only not welcome, it’s not wanted… even when it directly affects you.

Even a high value single mom—no, that’s not an oxymoron—won’t give you full reign over her kid, maybe ever.

You may eventually have an influence, but she will always have the final say.

Even good single moms often feel guilty about putting their kid through the breakup, so they let their kids get away with stuff they shouldn’t because of that guilt, or because of exhaustion.

Even if that kid is well-adjusted, they’ll become an unruly teen at some point.

That’s just nature!

Fact!

Over 90% of men in prison come from single mother households.

Real Life Example

Johnny leaves dirty dishes all over the house, never cleans up his room and has a crappy attitude toward you and/or his mom.

But when you try to talk to him about it he says, “You’re not my dad!”

Just the Tip #5

Baby daddy is also part of the package deal.

Unless her kid’s baby daddy died, he’s in the picture—even if he isn’t.

Either he’s involved and has more say than you do.

Or he’s not at all and has left a negative mark on their psyche.

Like if he’s in jail or ditched them and isn’t helping support them.

Even when he’s not there, he is.

And in the worst case scenario, she’s still involved with him.

Either because there are unresolved feelings or attraction or because of financial necessity.

Real Life Example

Maybe you and the kid get along great and you’ve planned a family camping trip.

But out of the blue, Little Suzies unreliable dad shows up and wants to spend time with her.

Well, she still loves her daddy and mom feels guilty for him not showing consistent effort, so your family camping plans are shot.

Now you’ve got to stay home and wait to see if he ends up wanting to drop her off early like he usually does.

That sucks.

Okay, so before I totally scare you off, let’s be fair and look at some potential positive things you can consider before dating a single mom.

Just the Tip #6

The one time she’s higher value than a woman without a kid.

Her heart is healed.

If she’s been able to heal from the wounds and emotional stress of the breakup, she’s a better option than a single woman without kids who’s emotionally damaged.

Healing helps avoid her being triggered when you do something similar to what hurt her in the past.

We all have past hurts that trigger us.

If she can acknowledge her shortcomings and communicate with respect and grace, you’ll have smoother sailing than if she’s still working through the baggage of her past.

Real Life Example

She is no longer triggered by her ex’s erratic behaviour.

When daddy dude shows up unscheduled, she sticks to her family plans with you.

She respects you and your plans over the scraps he provides.

If he wants to be part of his Little Suzie’s life, he’s got to get with the program.

She knows her daughter will be temporarily hurt, but also knows consistency is more important.

And the only way baby daddy might start being reliable is if he’s forced to.

Which brings us to…

Just the Tip #7

Timing is important.

She’s been off the market for awhile to give herself and her kid some stability, that’s a good sign.

She’s displayed the ability to take care of herself and her child and not just run to the arms of the next available guy to save them.

There’s also a higher probability she isn’t pining for her ex or hoping for reconciliation.

How long?

Every situation is different; could be a year, could be ten!

But you’ll know!

Along those lines of the positive things you must know before dating a single mom is…

Just the Tip #8

If she has these two qualities, she might be worth it.

Hard working but soft hearted.

She works hard so she doesn’t have to rely on baby daddy but she’s not bitter about it.

A single mom who’s been able to financially take care of herself and her kid without becoming an overly independent, ball-busting boss babe will be a woman who can contribute in a relationship.

Too many women get boss-babe bitchy and too independent and lose the softness of femininity of cooperation.

Real Life Example

She’s used to doing things for herself but when you try to help her carry the groceries in, she welcomes your help and thanks you graciously.

But she doesn’t use you.

She has a team MATE attitude!

Speaking of which…

Just the Tip #9

If she believes in co-parenting with you, big green flag!

If you can find a single mom who understands the sacrifice you are making to accept a package deal, that’s a big green flag!

Even if she can’t fully let go of the reigns, if she includes you in parenting discussions early on, that’s a green flag.

This is a rare quality to find in a single mom to be sure, so if she does include you, acknowledge that.

If she’s able to have discussions with you about how to handle issues with the kid when they mess up and what your thoughts are on how to discipline them. Green flag!

Real Life Example

Little Susie has a crappy attitude and talks back to her mom.

You tell her to go to her room until she has an attitude shift.

When Little Susie says, “You’re not my daddy!”

Her mom supports you and affirms, “Get your butt to your room or no internet for 24hours!” Which is an eternity for a kid, nowadays.

Even if she disagrees with your discipline, she provides a united front in the moment and discusses her thoughts with you privately.

Kids know united you stand, divided you fall.

Along the same lines is…

Just the Tip #10

If she sets boundaries with her ex, that’s a good sign!

You and her are a team.

Not her and the baby daddy.

Of course, if the baby daddy is a decent dude, he’s going to be an influence, but her loyalty is what’s best for her kid and her relationship with you.

Real Life Example

You tell baby daddy, “We’ve got family plans this weekend but let us know in advance next time you want to see Little Susie.”

He says, “You’re not her Dad” but your woman is loyal to you and says, “We’ve got plans, we’re not changing our plans, you’ll have to give notice next time.”

She’s your team MATE!

By the way, if you’re a single dad, don’t be that guy. It’s not fair to your kid.

If these things you must know before dating a single mom were informative, please share it to help other men.

Thanks for being here, God bless!

About the Author Anna Jorgensen

Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)

Leave a Comment:

3 comments
James says April 5, 2022

Anna…you truly rock!

I have had several relationships such as you describe and similar outcomes…

I have also had a different experience…Every depends on sorting the relationship first…

My new girl has a six year old son.

When we met…she asked me how I felt about kids.
Package Deal…
As things progressed, I began referring to him as “our son”…it did not take long for her to consistently refer to him as “our son”
Once, when she had said “her son”. The next time we met…she cleaned it up..”our son”

I also had asked her if she wants him to grow up more like me…”yes”!

She does not s**t talk her ex. In fact she says he is being a good father .

I have always referred to a child’s father…as father. That I am not their father…we can be friends and because I am the man of the house (with their mother being my partner) as a united front…restrictions and penalties for playing one against the other.

In establishing our relationship…the agreement is we are one…
The child is “our” first responsibility…

I (will) make the brownies…with the child doing the work…kid’s love to help in the kitchen.

Best to design the relationship, set boundaries, by agreement up front…roles and responsibilities…negotiating any difference… work out any issues…before having sex!
We all know as changes everything…trouble is…once we “get the goodies”
We don’t worry so much about working things out.

Anna…you are so incredibly correct…women speak a thousand shades of hint!
The perfect leadership tool!
I can fix them or change them…I would never deny them their hard earned, painful victories…

But I sure can plant seeds!

And don’t ever miss a woman’s download! ( I so used to blow that off…couldn’t be bothered!)

The sweetest music in the universe! Nothing like hearing my girl’s heart sing for me…
Then I plant seeds (hints) water the seeds now and then…be strong for her…and she is so quick to figure it out…and share her victory!!

The little girl inside a woman is entirely precious…sure, sometimes they have pain..
I just hold her and assure…I don’t try to fix…girls/women just NEED to be heard…very healthy to hear them!

Thanks Anna

Reply
    Anna Jorgensen says April 7, 2022

    Sounds like you’ve got a good one and you treat her well! That’s awesome!! Glad you don’t try to fix…Thanks you for sharing your story!

    Reply
      James says April 8, 2022

      Thanks Anna!

      I just refused to put my “balls in her purse “ as I had in the previous relationships as you described above.

      I am her King…she is my Queen and precious Princess.
      I shoulder the major responsibilities…share others..
      She is becoming a true “Warrior Princess” but I will always be her daddy!!

      As King…I have the final say (after carefully considering her needs first)
      She will always look up to me as her rock…
      As it leaves her blameless, innocent, safe and protected…for any choice I make for “our” family…

      This grants her the total freedom to live in her emotional world….

      She still maintains her responsibility over her son…only it is a shared responsibility…also granting her freedom.

      I truly wish, hope and pray…there never comes a time that I need to overrule her…
      She would obey if I did…and totally respect and accept my wisdom and judgment….

      I am a benevolent King…her happiness is my top priority…

      We don’t get married to be happy…we get married to die to ourselves and find JOY in serving another….while retaining our Honor, self respect, self love…and our unconditional trust in our own behavior..
      Yup! I had to grant myself unconditional trust…before I could give it to her! Wow…have I grown!
      We can’t give away what we don’t have…

      Of course Jesus will be our Centerpiece…our “first marriage”

      God Bless you Anna!

      Thank You for fighting for us!

      Be Healed My Friend…

      Reply
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