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What Makes You a Real Man to Her? (Video 5 Added!)

What Makes You a Real Man to Her (Features All Women Love)

What makes you a real man to her? Maybe a better descriptor is what makes you a “true man” to her?

If this is your first visit to this post please carry on. If you’ve read parts 1-4 and are looking for part 5, scroll all da way down. It’s in RED to make it easier to find!

Well, there’s only so much you can do with what God gave you, but there are some features all women love that any man can develop.

And the best part is… the features all women love aren’t physical attributes!

Sure, most women appreciate a man who’s fit and healthy or even nice looking, but if you want to win her heart—and other bits, wink wink—for the duration, you must to appeal to her innate need for what makes a real man.

What Makes You a Real Man aka True Man

You’ll not be surprised by the first of the features all women love because you hear it over and over again.


This is not to be confused with aggression or arrogance, which are both turnoffs!

True confidence comes with knowing your self-worth as a person but, more specifically confidence as one of the features all women love, is your confidence as a man.

Your certainty in the world with women!

You don’t need to brag or try to impress women and that humbleness translates into confidence.

You’ll see how this plays out as we go through the other qualities of what makes you a real man to her.


You don’t need to be bossy or take over when it’s not your place but you have no problem stepping up and leading.

Women love a man who leads with confidence—ooh la la!

And what makes you a man to her in the area of leadership is when you lead the relationship.

Generally, this comes from being confident in where you stand in the relationship and assuming you’re the best choice for her.

It also comes in trusting yourself to make decisions and then following through on those decisions.

Which brings us to…


Bravery comes from courage.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the presence of fear and the strength to move through it.

Women love heroes!

You can be her hero by making those tough decisions and doing things she thinks are scary.

Whether you’re quitting a lousy job to pursue your career passion or speaking up to your boss about getting that raise you deserve, what makes you a real man to her is your ability to face your fears.

Sure, if it’s something big that could affect both of you—like moving across the country—you may need her support and encouragement, but she’s got to see you making theses choices mostly on your own or she’ll feel like your mommy.

Mommy mode = non arousal mode.

Courage is sexy, but for it to be one of the features all women love, it has to come with self-motivation.

Along the lines of bravery is…

Say “No” (to Her!)

A man who can say “no” to a woman is a man who values himself. Self-respect is sexy AF.

In fact, self-respect is a mandatory pre-requisite to sexual attraction.

A woman can’t be aroused by a man she doesn’t respect. Full stop.

Which means you’re going to need some of this next trait for what makes a real man to her.


Resolve is when you’ve decided something and nothing and no one can get you off track of following through on it.

Worded in another way, it’s the internal strength that allows you to make that tough decision and take actionable steps to accomplish its end.

Like finding another job in that new city before you’ve left your current city and booking the moving truck.

Without encouragement. And without prodding. No hesitation.

It’s you saying, “I got this” and meaning it for yourself.

Okay, now what about what women don’t love?

It should be no surprise based on the aforementioned features all women love that no women love…Mr. Too Nice Guy!

More details on this in the video.

And, be sure you’re subscribed so you get next week’s follow up with 5 more features all women love and how to be a real man to her!


Speaking of acting like a child… children look to their parents and superiors for validation.

Children don’t know who they are in the world and desperately need authority figures to show them that they’re acceptable human beings.

A real man self-validates.

It means you know who you are and what you stand for and don’t need anyone else’s approval, including your woman’s!

Again, this doesn’t mean you’re inconsiderate. Au contraire!

You simply won’t wither and decay if she dislikes something you’ve said or done—or even if she leaves you. #herloss

Purpose / Passion

One of the ways you can self-validate is by having a greater purpose or passion in life.

Something that drives you to get out of bed every day even when some days are crap.

It cannot be her!

If you put her on a pedestal, she will look down on you.

However, it could be family, which includes her.

Or a career or a mission to save the world or simply working to pay off bills or toward retirement.

And this brings us to…


What makes you a real man to her in the area of independence isn’t about being aloof and distant.

Instead, it’s about not needing her.

You want her, you desire her, you can even adore her! But you do not need her.

Children need their mother.

A real man only needs himself—but is confident and open to share himself with a deserving woman.

When she knows deep down you don’t need her she knows you’re with her because she deserves you—increasing both your value—not because you need her which decreases both your value.

Read that last line again.


Similar to self-validating is the trait of being self-secure.

What I mean by secure in oneself is most easily expressed in the attitude of admiration for those who are better than you in any area as opposed to threatened by them.

So, you’re not jealous—you’re motivated to improve your own situation.

But because you feel inspired, not because you feel lack in any way.

When you can easily and publicly give kudos to the admirable qualities of your competition, you have a high sense of self-security.

Whether you’re looking at career, health/fitness, finance, you trust yourself to do your best and your best on any day is good enough.

This trait often takes time, outward actions and achievements to fully realize.

If you want a customized to-do list on how to achieve this get and do the work in my WakeUP2Luv program and then review it annually!

Is Her Rock

When a man embodies all of the above qualities, a woman can feel fully safe with him and he becomes the rock in her world.

There is no better feeling for a deserving woman or man!

He sees and appreciates her for who she really is, flaws and all and is solid in his own self-worth.

Again, when she knows you haven’t made up unrealistic fantasies about her being perfect, she can trust you really desire her.

You are each others’ biggest fans and encouragers, don’t feel threatened by each other and don’t allow outside forces to negatively influence your bond.

Supports and Encourages Her

A real man—a true man—is a man who supports and encourages his woman to pursue her dreams and goals.

He doesn’t feel threatened by her success in any area of her life.

Instead, he’s her biggest fan and most loyal teammate.

Example: “Babe, go for the promotion. You got this.” Or “Babe, how can I support you in your fitness goals?”

Even though he knows her value as a woman increases when she is successful, be it in her career or fitness goals or other areas, he doesn’t worry that she’ll leave him to level up.

Part of the reason a real, true man doesn’t feel threatened is because of…


He raises the bar for himself.

A man who is constantly bettering himself raises his own value.

But he’s compelled to do so for himself. Not for external validation.

Example: Going back to school to get your Masters Degree or competing in a triathlon or Tough Mudder challenge.

Just the Tip: Competition increases testosterone and participating increases dopamine. (You don’t even have to win!)

Your woman feels this and, consciously or unconsciously, knows that as your value increases so does the competition for you from other women.

She knows he’ll have no problem getting a good woman if things don’t work out with her and she appreciates this.

We all value more what others value more!

Just the Tip: If your woman tried to drag you down because she feels insecure or threatened by you bettering yourself—that’s a RED FLAG, Sir.

It’s easy for a real, true man to work toward being a better man because he has…


What is self-discipline?

Brian Tracy says it best, “Self-discipline is the ability to do what you know you should do when you should do it whether you like it or not.”

When a man masters something of value to his woman, that proves his ability to commit.

Just the Tip: Key words: “of value to her.” Mastering a video game that has no worth in her world is not the same as mastering a skill that adds value to your and her world.

Example: Taking extra education for your career, starting a new side hustle, doing a fitness competition, taking a course on effective relationship communication skills or similar etc. {cough – WakeUP2Luv!}

A man with self-discipline is a respected man and respect precedes sexual attraction!

Speaking of respect…

Shows Respect to Everyone

A real man may not respect everyone he meets, but he’ll act respectfully to them.

Disrespectful behaviour comes from a place of insecurity and ego identification.

A real man is secure within himself and doesn’t get triggered by others’ insecurities and egos.

When a real man is confronted by disrespectful behaviour from others, he’ll walk away instead of allowing the situation escalate—even if he can kick the disrespecting person’s ass (physically or verbally).

Example: When confronted by someone’s confrontational opinion on his social media post, he replies respectfully but let’s the person know the conversation is over:

“Thanks for sharing your opinion, we disagree on this one, mate.” If the offending/offensive person continues, a real man disengages and deletes their comment and/or blocks them if necessary.

He responds (not reacts) similarly if it’s an in-person situation.

Women feel safer with a man with a cool head than a hot head. (Unless she’s emotionally damaged. You want that?)

Being respectful doesn’t mean he acts like a doormat or a submissive people-pleaser.


Especially not when he’s loyal to his woman.

Here’s what I mean by loyal…

Protect and Defend

A real true man who is loyal to his woman isn’t just loyal of loins, as in sexually exclusive (if that’s their agreement).

He’s loyal in the sense that he stands up for her and defends her honour when someone is challenging her in a disrespectful way.

He will speak up for her, rather than stand idly by allowing the disrespect or letting her handle herself, and if necessary he removes her from the offending situation.

Example: “Hey, man, you can get your point across without being disrespectful. Come on, Ashley, let’s get out of here.”

Or, if warranted, “Hey, no one talks to my woman like that. Learn some manners. Let’s go, Ashley.” [Guides her away from danger, is her hero, gets an amazing BJ later!]

Huge bonus points if you and your lady both know her ego got triggered and she’s being unreasonable!

Because she’s your woman and when you protect and defend her, physically or otherwise, especially when you don’t agree with her, you’ve proven your loyalty.

Part 5

Honest and Open

Every good woman wants a man who is honest and open, especially when it is difficult to do so.

If you’ve got the balls to share something you know she won’t like but deserves to know, you’ll gain big points (after she’s calmed TF down).


  • I gave Ashley a ride home. She came on to me. Nothing happened.
  • Last night I gave Ashley a ride home and something happened.
  • Having kids is not an option with me, ever.
  • I have three kids from two different marriages.
  • Until two weeks ago I was married.


An honourable man does the right thing at the right time even when she’ll never find out.

Honourable vs Dishonourable Example

When I was married, my husband and I had a house party.

Yep, back in the day when we were allowed to gather together.

There was a woman there who needed a lot of male attention and at some point she sat on my husband’s lap.

(I was in another room and they couldn’t see me but I could see them.)

She barely got her cheeks planted on his lap before he pushed her off in disgust and she ended up on the floor.

The only animal that was harmed in this story was her ego.

That was honourable of my man and he was well rewarded for it! 😉

Choosing the honour of your woman over the ego of some other chick wins high points in any woman’s eyes.


A man who disrespects you to your face will for sure disrespect you behind your back.

When I was dating the Fraudster in Seattle (see memoir), he’d come up to visit me in Canada one time and we went to a social function where he spent most of the night making gaga eyes with one of my beautiful co-workers.

Not honourable. No nookie for you!

Choosing your own ego over the honour of your woman does not win points in any woman’s eyes.

Abundance Mentality

What is an abundance mentality?

It’s best described with a short story.

John is a top salesman.

All his associates wonder how he does it.

But they don’t have to wonder because John has the attitude the pie is big enough for all.

John shares many of his success tips because he trusts himself to always have more than enough no matter what anyone else does.

John’s girlfriend is proud to be by his side.

Dick is also a salesman.

He does ok but trash talks other sales people to try to get ahead.

Sometimes he engages in shady dealings that only serve his own interests.

Dick’s girlfriend has a tramp stamp.

Ok, but seriously, if she’s a keeper, she’ll value the abundance mentality; if she’s not, she’ll be ok with shady dealings because shady matches her values.

Along those lines is …

Integrity & Principles

High value women are trustworthy—if they weren’t they wouldn’t be high value.

A woman with integrity and principles values a man with those same character traits.


When someone is being unfairly trash talked behind their back, you speak up to set the record straight according to your perception.

You give the correct change back if you’ve been over compensated.

You mention to the cashier if they missed charging you for something.

If you want a woman with integrity and principles, you have to have them, too.

Claims His Woman

Something all high value women love is when their man claims them!

But the claim must be made because he’s proud of being with her not because he’s worried someone else will steal her away from him.

The first denotes confidence, the latter insecurity.

When a man claims his woman with pride, she feels valued, and when a woman feels valued she feels safe.

When a woman feels emotionally safe with you, she can relax into her feminine submissiveness and trust your masculine lead in all kinds of tasty areas! 😉

Say it with me…DADDY LIKE!

Just the Tip!

If your woman gets triggered by every little thing—that’s another RED FLAG, Sir!

But otherwise, you’d want her to provide the same courtesy to you in a similar situation, too, wouldn’t you?


When you embody and display these traits of what a real, true man is, you’ll feel like the hero she knows you are—if she’s a keeper.

Maybe it’s time to step away from the video games and up your “real man” game.

If you do, guaranteed you’ll win her heart (and other juicy parts)!

Reminder, we all want the real us to be not only good enough but cherished.

When you know your self worth you express that in automatic and, thus, subtle ways, which enables her to respect you and trust your lead.

Trust and respect are the precursors to amazing love making and a relationship that will stand the test of time.

These are the features all women love and what what makes you a real man to her, a TRUE MAN. If you’ve struggled to understand women, check out my Understand Women playlist and get my WakeUP2Luv program.

xo AJ





Recommended for Y’all Super Keeners 🙌:

No More Mr Nice Guy book:

Single Videos


p.s. Step-by-step road map to becoming the real man your dream woman wants without compromising yourself is here.


features all women love, what makes you a real man to her

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  1. Tho I disagree with some of your post’s, this one was spot on IMHO!

    Also, you are one of the FEW women that look good in short hair……really! (tho I am a long hair lover)

    1. Well, thank you kind Sir! We all resist alternative beliefs to what we’ve been used to holding onto. When you hear me say something contrary to your beliefs, ask yourself if another reality is possible. Or, best yet, write a comment and let’s have a discussion. Best place to for sure catch me is on my newest video release Tuesdays 3-4pm PST. Hope to see you there!

  2. She’s wrong in an area, and I know it along with many/most others(NOT gender biased or based!). Wouldn’t supporting her also encourage her and/or prevent her from ‘growing’, so to speak? Don’t values/principles as a couple become blurred or ‘lazy’? Wouldn’t that cause her to think she can manipulate situations? And, how the HELL do men know a woman MEANS yes when she SAYS no!??

    1. I mean supporting and encouraging her mentally and emotionally; that helps give her the confidence to grow. Values and principles can become lazy if either or both in the couple become lazy. Relationships are work. Just like you can’t stay super fit without effort. But the effort is worth it. Same with relationships if you chose well!
      She’ll only manipulate if you didn’t filter well and chose a manipulator or you got lazy on your end while she’s been holding up her end.
      How to understand women? Keep watching my videos, it’ll sink in with exposure and time. Watch my Understand Women playlist here.
      Thanks for your comment, I know it’s frustrating! So are a lot of things in life, though. So, decide if women are worth the trouble of figuring them out and if they are then just accept that. If not, then it’s ok to choose to stay single if you think that’ll make you happier.

  3. Saying no to them is my thing to master. Her being young, beautiful, and loving beyond belief has nothing, cross that out. Everything to do with this. Keeping her at all cost is a goal. So being a pushover can’t happen. And I’ve done this before and even been told, you never say no to me. I’ll be looking for an opportunity. This one can not get away!

    1. The goal should be keeping her as long as it’s good for both of you (not at all costs), but you’re right, being a pushover isn’t good for either of you! I did a video recently on how to find things to disagree with but I can’t remember which video it’s in. Essentially, you can tease her or disagree with her on anything, but in a playful way. So, if she says something you do agree with her on, you can playfully say, “Hmm, not sure I agree on this one. Convince me.” And wink. (Best done in person.) Then she defends her argument and as long as she’s not really getting upset you say, “I’m listening…” (as in to say “tell me more” which you can even add if she continues trying to convince you). In the end, you say, “Well argued, Kath, I knew you were a smart one. I actually agree with you but wanted to see how you’d convince me.” And make a funny face or wink or whatever. As long as she’s into you and you haven’t taken it too far, she’ll experience the “no,” appreciate the compliment (“smart”) and her sympathetic nervous system (arousal state) will be engaged. You can then break the tension by saying something cheeky and teasing like, “Let’s kiss and make up now.”
      Remember, never take it to a point where she’s actually agitated or (if she’s a keeper) it’ll have the reverse affect. #turnoff
      I’ll probably do a video on this (minus your info), so thanks for the inspiration!
      You got this!

      1. I really appreciate the advice. She is a keeper. And I know she feels the same way, because she’s told me so. I’ll see her in a few hrs, and look for decent opportunity. My last I couldn’t disagree with or drama took over. Which let me know she wasn’t the one. Thanks again

        1. Two months later, here I am. And In a good place with her. Always easy? No. But more pleasure than not. The three words are on the tip on my tongue. I’m glad I held off.

  4. Some of the points that you have made here I have learned from life’s school of hard knocks. But you have a way of verbalizing and succinctly explaining your points that makes them easy to understand and put into action without the hard knocks that life often dishes out. Positive attitude and positive actions yield positive results. Thank you for your insight.

    1. At least you learned, many don’t and that’s sad. Thank you for reading my blogs and watching my videos! It makes me happy to know they’re appreciated!

  5. Most of these seem good. I have serious doubts however about the Real Man doesn’t _need_ her. She is NOT his mother. In the best relationship, she is my soul mate, my best friend, and my lover. To say that I do not need her implies that I could walk away from her. No way. imho

    1. Thank you for reading and watching! So you think a man should need a woman to the point of never being able to walk away no matter what she does to him? Ongoing cheating, abuse of all sorts etc. A woman needs to know the man has the strength to walk away if she treats him like garbage. If she doesn’t feel that strength, a part of her can’t respect him. Hope this clarifies. 🙂

      1. I think we all should have our own deal breakers, and enforce them. I like to say ” keep mine at all cost”. But, never to the point of abuse or infidelity. My SO is super special to me, and I go to great lengths to please her, but I respond to challenges and don’t hesitate to let her know what my boundaries are. I had to tell her recently when she got condescending,, don’t talk to me like I’m one of your kids. She actually apologized, showing me again she’s a keeper, as am I.

        1. Excellent news! And yes, everyone must have deal breakers, for sure. Glad you’ve got a keeper! :)) Anna

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