Whether you’re flirting, dating or in a committed relationship you’ll want to avoid these 5 things you’re still doing that turn women off!
Because men and women have different needs, a lot of men don’t realize foreplay begins right after her last O M G! #orgasm
If you keep doing these things that turn her off it takes way much more work to turn her on.
Then when you do the things that usually work but aren’t right now, you’re left confused and frustrated wondering why she’s so hard to please.
And while this isn’t just about couch wrestling ;), there’s one time when you don’t have to do anything to get her ready for physical intimacy.
And yes, fellas, she has to do her part, too!
Let’s find out what things you’re still doing that turn women off and what you can do instead.
First, let’s look at flirting and courting.
Flirting is basically making your sexual interest known with the 3 Ts:
Courting is when you’ve made that interest known and are wooing her with more of the Ts but also with the 3 Is:
What you don’t want to do when flirting or courting is…
A male friend of mine once said, “A man won’t cross the street for a woman unless he’s interested in her (sexually).”
Women instinctively know this.
We know if you’re giving us any attention, you already know you’d want to getting into your birthday suit with us.
So when you make remarks about our T & A parts and/or about sex in general, it comes across as lecherous aka creepy.
Remember, women speak a thousand shades of hint!
Finding a way to brag about the size of your package or even your sexual skills is a major turnoff.
Again, there’s one time this won’t apply and I’ll share that with you later.
Which brings us to the next of the things you’re still doing that turn women off.
As I’ve mentioned so often, women are automatically and always subconsciously (or consciously) dissecting your every word and action.
What you’ve accomplished, how much money you make and other forms of value you can provide are all considerations for a woman, no question.
Unless she’s a shallow gold digger, how you reveal these proofs of value will influence whether she sees you as attractively confident or unattractively insecure.
The more obvious a man is about showing his value (bragging), the more likely a high value woman will see him as insecure (and shallow).
She will assume you’re doing alright financially if you roll up in a LandRover.
But if you then go on to tell her it’s the new model and cost X$, then she’s going to think that you think you need to prove your value to her because you see her as higher value than you.
Let me say that in a different way.
The more you construct your words and actions to prove your worth, the more she’s going to question your worth.
Yes, you want her to know why she should consider you, but be subtle about it.
You can wrap it in a story that includes details of proof but those details aren’t the focus, they’re incidental.
You share your story about how you felt when you decided to play X sport as a hobby instead of pursuing it as a career.
Instead of you saying outright that you were a sport’s star, it’s already implied because obviously if you didn’t have talent you wouldn’t have considered going pro.
Stories are a great way to share details that impress while also providing proof of communication, vulnerability and social skills—all traits high value women appreciate.
But telling her the list of reasons why you’re a high value man comes across as an insecure applicant applying for a job above his pay level.
And this brings us to the next of the things you’re still doing that turn women off.
Logic is a valuable trait, no doubt!
But it’s not a trait that turns most women on.
And whether by nature or nurture, women are more influenced by emotions than most men.
In fact, using logic to convince a woman of why she should like you or want you is about the worst thing you can do.
This goes back to what we’ve already discussed, women are turned off when she feels you feeling like you need to convince her or prove your worth.
Women mirror your feelings about yourself.
If you’re courting and feel she’s out of your league, she’ll automatically feel that, too, even if she doesn’t understand why.
Even if there’s a whole spreadsheet of logical reasons why you might be amazing together.
However, if you’re vetting her, then she’ll automatically want to prove her worth to you… if there’s any chance of attraction.
You can’t make her attracted to you if there was no chance of it, but you can turn a woman off who would have been attracted had you not messed it up.
Of course, if her attraction is very high, there’s very little you can do to mess it up, but even then you can if you do all these things!
And if you’re in a committed relationship with a woman, trying to use logic to get what you want may only frustrate her more because she’ll feel like you don’t understand her needs.
Be honest, have you ever tried to convince a girl to like you or do something for you based on facts?
The next two are common amongst committed couples but you’ll want to pay attention for them from the beginning or the relationship will fail.
In the flirting/courting stage, it’s natural and effective to offer a little push/pull.
Push/pull is when you push her away and then pull her back in.
It offers her a bit of emotional stimulation by creating the vibe of uncertainty. This is actually a good thing.
Women are typically more attracted to a man who’s feelings are uncertain about them, someone they have to prove their worth to.
When a woman feels she’s proven her worth to a man and won him over, she’s more likely to feel confident about the union.
When a woman chooses you over just relenting to you chasing her, she will make more of an effort to justify that choice.
But when you push-push by being overly critical, now or forever, she’ll eventually feel emotionally beaten down, unappreciated and resentful.
Those are not feelings that turn her on.
Have you ever gotten on a path of focusing on her negatives?
But, guess what? The opposite is equally as bad!
After I share this one I’ll let you in on the one time you don’t have to do anything to turn her on, just show up and don’t mess up.
But just before I reveal that, let’s look at…
If you’re in the flirting or courting stage, being too nice is going to come off as insincere and/or insecure.
Reminder: women are more attracted, at least initially, to men who’s feelings are uncertain about them.
If you’re too nice, she’ll interpret that as you trying too hard not necessarily being genuine.
And even if you are being genuine, she won’t have anything to work for to prove her worth.
And for those already in committed relationships, especially you long haulers…
Remember the saying, “Happy wife, happy life?”
Well, it turns out the ultimate ratio of positive to negative interactions is in the range of about 5-10 positives for every one negative.
In other words, if you give less than five positive interactions or every negative interaction or critique, she’ll be dissatisfied. That’s you being too critical.
However, if you give more than 10 positives for every negative, you’ll also be headed for disaster.
Women need at least as much mental, emotional, and physical stimulation as men do.
If you’re never in conflict, it’s likely because you’re being too nice, not because you actually agree on everything.
Agreeing on everything may save you from immediate conflict but it separates you from intimacy and true connection in the long run.
If you’ve taken the path of passive compliance by letting her have everything she wants or always get away with bad behaviour, she’ll lose respect and attraction.
If you’re fighting all the time—assuming you’re actually compatible—then you’ll want to sprinkle in some positives, whether they’re compliments or doing something nice.
But if you’re never arguing and things have waned in the bedroom, you need to introduce some potentially negative stimuli.
And if being more loving or less loving feels out of your comfort zone, that’s a pretty good sign there hasn’t been enough in that direction.
Okay, now, as promised, when do you not have to do anything to turn her on?
When she turns herself on through whatever her own process is to get there.
If you picked her up at the bar and took her home, know this—it wasn’t because you so much as turned her on; she did.
She was already mentally prepared before she got there. You just didn’t mess it up!
Be honest, how many of these things are you still doing that turn women off: being overtly sexual when not appropriate, overtly bragging, using logic to convince her, or being too critical or too nice?
And I know what you’re thinking, “Women are way too much work, Anna!”
Yep, you’re right!
I’m not here to convince you to be in a relationship.
I’m just helping you decode women for those who do want to settle down without settling.
You may not be aware I have Hashimoto’s Disease (amongst other conditions) which affects my energy levels.
If you have a question or video request, please write a short comment under my most recent video over on YouTube not in an email.
I read short comments first. (It’s not fair to other commenters if I run out of steam before I get to their comment.)
Also, I’m re-focusing my attention to only WakeUP2Luv participants’ emails in the hopes of being able to produce more videos for all to benefit from.
Thank you so much for understanding and for being here… I appreciate you!!
God bless, xo AJ
Vancouver dating coach for men who love women! ❤️ (Not PC and not a feminist.)